


Forbidden

by Dleinad256



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Adopted family AU, Alcohol Poisoning, Angst, Breakups, Changing Room Sex, College, Cunnilingus, Depression, F/F, Fantasy, First Base, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Foreplay, Hana is a fucking mess, Hate, Hatred, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, LDR, Lesbian Character, Lesbian D.Va, Lesbian Sex, Long-Distance Relationship, Making Out, Marijuana, Masturbation, Missionary Position, Morning Sex, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Pansexual Character, Pansexual Sombra, Penetration, Polyamory, Porn Watching, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Public Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Scissoring, Second Base, Second Thoughts, Self Loathing, Self-Harm, Sex Dream, Sex Talk, Sex Toys, Sharing a Bed, Strap-Ons, Substance Abuse, Thrill Of Being Caught, Trans Girl, Tribadism, Truth or Dare, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Underage Smoking, Underage Substance Use, Unhappy marriage, Vaginal Fingering, Wet Dream, adopted sister sex, alcohol overdose, aw yeah we have a plot now, dormitory, flowery sex talk, genital contact, getting caught kink, getting stoned, girls with dicks, graphic depiction of underage sex, hold the moan, i guess, parental neglect, porn with sort of a plot maybe in the future?, self abuse, self doubt, sexual contact, shy hana, stoned fucking, third base, trans brigitte, tw attempted suicide, underage sex between adopted lesbian sisters, watching someone change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2018-12-19 10:04:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 35
Words: 58,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11895408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dleinad256/pseuds/Dleinad256
Summary: Sombra and Hana are adopted sisters. When their parents leave for the day, Sombra wants to teach her little sister how to seduce a woman.





	1. It's like kissing your sister

Sombra doodles her younger sister Hana in her notebook while the teacher drones on about dividing rational functions. The past few pages are filled with similar drawings. When questioned, she explains that her adopted sister is one of the few people with an Asian complexion for her to practice, but in reality she just loves looking at and thinking about her face. She doesn’t remember when her parents adopted her sister, she was only two and a half at the time, but she remembers playing with her in the backyard, hiding out in their room when their parents fought, tutoring her, calming her down when she freaked out about her first period…

She focuses on the time their parents had a particularly bad fight so she stole a couple bucks from her mom’s purse and took her out for ice cream. She draws the warm smile on her face when she tasted the rare treat.

“Sombra, are you paying attention?” Mr. Goodman asks.

“Yeah, of course,” she answers without looking up. She repeats back the rule he spent most of the class trying to explain, so he gives her a final distrusting glance and turns back to the whiteboard.

 

“Your father and I are leaving now,” Angela says to her daughters.

“Sure you don’t need anything?” Jack asks.

“Nope,” Sombra answers.

“You’ll be fine until tonight alone?”

“Yep.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“We can—”

“We’re good.”

“Reinhardt would be—”

“Nope.”

“Absolut—”

“ _ Yes _ .” She rolls her eyes. Hana’s to engrossed in her game to care.

“Alright. We’ll be home tomorrow afternoon. Should be plenty of food in the fridge.”

“Cool.”

“There’s money on the dresser to order if you need to.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you think you’ll need more?”

“Nope, should be good.”

“You sure? It’s not a problem.”

“It’s fine.”

“Jack, let’s go!” Angela says.

“Have a good time. Don’t burn down the house,” their dad says.

“You too.” she says. Hana waves as they leave.

Once an hour and a half passes and Sombra’s sure that they won’t be coming back because they forgot something, she turns to her little sister. “Do you have a girlfriend yet?”

She lifts one of the headphones off her ear. “Hm?”

“Have a girlfriend yet?”

“Nope.”

“Never made out with anyone?”

She stops her mouse a couple inches from the “find game” button. “Why?”

“You wanna learn how?”

Her face tints pink. “What?”

“We have the house to ourselves and you’re a few months into high school. It’s the perfect time to learn. I’m pretty good at it, I can teach you.”

Hana contemplates asking what she means, but she thinks she knows already. Her face burns a little deeper. “I’m your little sister, is that even allowed?” she stammers out.

“Who’s gonna stop us? Besides, we’re not related.”

“But we grew up together. You’re not related to mom, you wouldn’t—”

“Do not finish that sentence. Besides, it’s completely different. She raised us, that changes the whole thing.”

“I guess.”

“Back to the matter at hand…” she pauses and waits for an answer.

She closes her laptop, falters for a second, then opens her mouth. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Teach me.”

“Alright. Come over here.”

She positions her on the couch next to her. They face each other, knees touching. Hana’s clearly nervous, but Sombra’s much more confident. “Alright. You’ve been dating the hottest girl in school for a few weeks and she took you back to her house and you’re in her room.”

She slowly touches their foreheads together. She looks into her sister’s eyes, wide and innocent. “Okay. Start simple. Mouth closed, just lips touching. When you’re ready, touch my lips with your tongue.”

She moves in, both of their eyes closing. She shivers at the electricity that always accompanies the kiss, and waits for the signal.

After a second, she feels her soft tongue tease against her lips. She parts them slightly, and Hana opens hers.

Sombra pulls away suddenly. “Alright, you just put a bunch of spit in my mouth.”

“Oh. Sorry.”   
“It’s all good. That’s why you’re practicing. Alright, now let’s say you wanna go straight into the makeout. Move in with your lips parted a little bit, but don’t have your mouth wide open. That’s just weird. Then sort of try to do what I do. If something feels good, go with that.”

The girls approach each other again. Sombra slides her tongue into her mouth, and Hana meets her with hers. Excitement and the sparks of arousal flare up in the two of them. Neither act on it yet, both content for the moment to just play in the cavern their mouths form.

After about a minute, Hana pulls apart, face flushed and gasping for air. “Gotta take breathing breaks, hon. Good job though, you’re getting the hang of it. Ready for the next step?”

“There’s more?”

“Of course. You don’t get into it if you keep your hands neatly folded in your lap. When making out with a girl, there are a few places you want your hand. Hair, back, and waist are all pretty safe. Ready for round three?”

Hana takes a deep breath, then moves in again. Sombra places her right hand on her lower back and her left hand in her hair. Hana puts one hand on her hip and the other on her neck. Sombra pulls her a little closer, tangling her fingers in her soft auburn hair.

They practice for over half an hour, Sombra teaching her sister breathing techniques so she doesn’t have to completely pull away every minute or two. By the time they’re done, Sombra’s pulled Hana onto her lap and she’s leaning against the back of the couch. Both their faces are flushed with excitement. At this point, there’s only one thing on Sombra’s mind. She knows it’s wrong, but can’t stop herself.

“Now do you want to learn what happens  _ after _ making out?”

Hana’s face briefly twists in confusion, then her eyes widen. Did her older sister just ask to have sex with her? And… does she  _ want _ to? She’s suddenly aware that her panties have gotten fairly damp, and her stomach flutters from the proposition.

“W-what do you mean?” she asks.

“I’ll just walk you through how to go through the bases. If we go as far as you’d like you just tell me to stop. That’s what you do with actual partners too.”

“Teach me.”

“Excellent! Alright, I’ve never gone all the way with a girl before, but I have some experience and a rough idea. So first base is ‘French’, we just covered that. Second base is ‘feel’. When you’re making out with a girl and you wanna move it forwards… well, I’ll show you.”

The two girls slide into each others mouths once more, and Sombra feels her sister’s breathing hitch as she slides her hand under her shirt. She shivers as her nails graze her sides and dance up her ribs. Her fingers glide over the underside of her bra, and then her hands slide under. Hana gasps as her sister squeezes her developing breasts, as the pads of her thumb pass over her nipples, as she gently pinches and pulls at them.

She slides her hands out and pulls away. “Now you try. You don’t have to do exactly what I did, but it’s a good guideline to follow.”

Hana tries to breathe out a response, then Sombra kisses her once again. Her fingers brush the hem of her shirt, then slide over her smooth stomach. Her hands tremble slightly as they glide over her bra, then trace along the band. Her tongue slows a bit when she tries to work up the nerve to touch her breasts, eventually almost completely stopping.

Sombra pulls away. “Can’t stop your tongue like that. Usually kills the move.”

“Sorry,” she breathes, incapable of speaking over a whisper.

“Try again?” Hana nods, so she approaches her and slides her tongue into her mouth. Once again, she finds the hem of her shirt and reaches up. She goes a little faster this time, it only takes two seconds to get to Sombra’s bra. Her fingers shake again, but she gets under her bra and her hands close over her breasts. She kneads them softly, then pulls away.

“S-sorry, my hands are shaking.”

“Do you want to take a break? We can pick this up later.”

“No!” she says, a little too loud. “No, I… it’ll just take me a little bit.”

She nods. “I was a mess my first time too. It’s why I’m helping you out. Again.”

This time she does better. She works up the courage to get to her breasts faster and brush over her her nipples. She kneads them softly for a few seconds, then they pull away.

“Awesome, you’re getting good at this. Want to stop here or move onto base three?”

“What’s base three?”

“The third ‘f’. Finger.”

She pales a little bit, but agrees.

“You sure? Don’t want to push you into anything.”

“You’re not. I-- I like it.”

“Ooh, you like making out with me?”

Her face goes deep red. “A lot.”

“We could make this a regular thing. Mom always says we should find more common interests.”

She giggles.

“Let’s move on. So you’ve gotten to second base with your girl a couple times, you wanna go further. I’ll demonstrate again.”

She pulls Hana in again, and slides her hand up her shirt. Her other hand slides down to her butt, gently squeezing. Hana sucks in a breath when she feels Sombra undo her bra.

“You’re fine with this, right?”

“Yeah… do it.”

Hana cooperates to pull her bra off her shoulders and down from under her shirt. Her nipples become hard when Sombra takes them between her fingers and lightly twists. Hana purrs into her mouth. One hand stays on her breast, but the other lightly dances down her stomach. Goose bumps raise on her skin as her sister approaches her panties.

Her fingers push past the band of her panties and into her nether regions. She brushes the partially grown pubes, feeling how soft they are. She plunges deeper, and her knuckles feel the wet stain on her panties.

“My my, you’re quite turned on, aren’t you?”

She can’t think to do anything but squeak out “mm-hmm”.

“You want to take a break? Just for a couple minutes?”

She shakes her head almost violently. Sombra pulls her close and cups her vulva with her fingers. Her index finger teases around her entrance, and Hana’s eyes widen. She doesn’t go in, instead opting to tease up her damp slit. Hana whimpers into her neck, her hand tightening around her shoulder. Sombra slides gently up and down her slit, getting a little closer to her clitoris each time. She shivers when her breath hits her neck, hot and fast.

She grazes her clit with her thumb, and she feels her entire body tense up with a gasp. She slowly deflates when Sombra uses her other hand to rub her back.

“You done this before? To yourself?”

“A few… sometimes.”

She gently pets her as she speaks.

“How often?”

“Every couple weeks,” she whispers, looking downwards.

“Aw, it’s cute when you’re embarrassed. When did you start?”

“Earlier this year.”

“You don’t have to be ashamed about this, Hana.” She kisses her softly. “I started when I was twelve.”

“How often do you do it?” Her teasing is clearly getting to her, her breathing is quick and her voice low.

“Anywhere from once or twice a week to once or twice a day.”

“Th-that’s a lot.”

“I suppose.”

She pulls her fingers out of her panties and slowly slides her index finger into her mouth. Hana watches, eyes wide, both observant and a little surprised. She turns her hand around and offers Hana her middle finger, gently pushing it towards her mouth. She opens her mouth and takes the finger.

“Lick it off.”

She swirls her tongue around her finger, sucking lightly as Sombra pulls it away.

“Wow, very good! You done that before?”

“Sometimes…”

She chuckles. “Don’t blame you. You taste wonderful. Do you want to try me?”

She nods.

“Go ahead.”

She slides hand into the waistband of her sweats and panties, eyes transfixed on her crotch. She reaches to find her pubes, and her eyes widen as her fingers only hit soft skin. She explores her crotch, playing with her outer lips and inner thigh. She finds her slit and her hand automatically goes downwards to her vagina.

She suddenly pulls her hand away.

“What counts as sex?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like between boys and girls, sex is when the guy puts it in her, but what about between two girls.” She her voice catches and she whispers the last part. “Are we having sex?”

“Hmm… I think with girls sex is sort of what they decide it is. Personally I’d say sex is maybe eating out or scissoring, not just touching. So no, I don’t think we’re having sex.” She’s tempted to say “yet” at the end, but decides against it.

She whispers something Sombra can’t hear.

“What was that?”

“Can we?”

She kisses her forehead. “Of course we can.”


	2. Deflowering

Sombra leads her sister by the hand and takes her up to her room. She locks the door behind them and closes the curtains. Within seconds, she’s lying on the bed with Hana on top of her, tongues interlocked once more.

“Do you want to undress me?” Sombra asks.

Hana nods, and Sombra twists them so she’s sitting up and Hana’s sitting on her lap. Hana takes the hem of her shirt and Sombra lifts her arms so she can take it off.

“Clasp’s in the front.”

She fumbles with the clasp because her hands are shaking, but eventually gets it off. The bra falls to the floor, and she pauses to admire her breasts.

“Nice, aren’t they?”

She nods and gently cups them, squeezing gently. Sombra grabs the bottom of Hana’s shirt and starts to lift it, and Hana moves her arms so she can get it off.

“Ooh, wonderful,” she says. She still has some developing to do, but her breasts look amazing even now. Sombra kisses her neck, and Hana moans when her lips brush against the sensitive skin. She sucks very lightly as she makes her way down her neck and chest. She feels the rise and fall of her chest, her breath heavy with anticipation. Her lips touch her breast, and after a couple seconds she’s at her nipple. Hana gasps when she takes her nipple in her mouth and drags her tongue around the areola.

This alone gets Hana gasping and moaning, so she slides her fingers down her sides and down to her sweatpants. She takes the waistband of her sweats and panties in her fingers and slowly pulls downwards. Hana bends her knees to help get them off, and Sombra pushes her so she’s laying down on the bed. She squeezes her ass and starts to kiss down her stomach. She feels her abs tighten when she passes over them, and she starts to get a little giddy herself when she approaches her sister’s vulva.

Hana feels like butterflies with wings of white fire have moved into her body, and she never wants them to go away. Her sister makes her feel so good, she’s so glad she offered to do this, it’s barely started and she just wants to do it over and over.

Light explodes in her when her soft tongue brushes her clit. She moans and tenses up, then relaxes again. She gladly submits when a pair of hands push her thighs further apart. She feels her heart pounding in her chest as her tongue glides circles around her, and she moans when she hits the right angle.

She can’t help but whine a little when she pulls away, and Sombra smirks. She drops her sweats and panties and climbs back on top of her. She puts her right leg over her left and her left under her right, sliding closer to her.

“Alright, just match my rhythm and it’ll feel great.”

She starts grinding against her, and both girls feel an amazing warmth where they’re touching. Their slick pussies glide against each other, sending a jolt through them when their clits touch. Hana’s breathing takes on a mutedly excited waver that Sombra finds adorable.

It doesn’t take Hana too long to find the rhythm, and soon enough they’re in perfect sync. She feels a sickeningly sweet fire start to burn in the pit of her stomach, and it slowly spreads throughout her body. Sombra smiles at her and her heart melts. She’s so beautiful, and she’s making her feel so good…

She moans freely, exceedingly higher pitched cries of pleasure singing from her mouth. Sombra can’t help but smile, partially out of satisfaction and partially out of adoration. She repositions herself so she’s on top of her, doing her best to keep the rhythm the same. Hana’s gasps become even stronger as she feels the pressure building up within her.

Sombra brushes her sister’s hair out of her face and kisses her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, her lips. She makes Hana smile giddily, and she can’t help but beam down at her.

“Hana… I love you…”

“I— agh— love you… too!” the last word is punctuated with a wail of pleasure as she breaks, explodes, bursts with pleasure she’d never felt before. Pride surges within Sombra, she’s so happy she could make her sister feel this good.

She notes how beautiful Hana looks like this, coming down from orgasm. Her face is flushed and sweaty, and her eyes shine with afterglow. Sombra kisses her again.

“You don’t mind if I keep going, do you?”

“Please do.”

She keeps grinding against her, groaning with pleasure. Hana starts moaning again soon enough, and the pressure starts to build up in her again.

Sombra’s orgasm is a bit quieter than Hana’s, but not much less powerful. She feels the familiar fire start to burn within her and moans with pleasure when it’s quenched. Hana flushes again as her sister cums, her mind scrambled.

“Want me to keep going?” she asks once she catches her breath.

“Yes!” is all she manages.

She’s more than happy to oblige, and resumes her previous pace. “You’re so beautiful, Hana. I’m so glad you let me deflower you.”

Sombra feels her sister’s legs start to twitch, a signal that she’s getting close. Her breathing hitches and she starts to moan louder. “Come for me again, Hana. Harder! Show me how much you love me!”

Hana bucks her hips and thrusts against her, white knuckling the bedpost as she moans ecstatically. “Scream for me. Scream my name.”

She feels her sister start to get pushed over the edge, sees her face contort beautifully, and she melts when she hears her scream “SOMBRA!”

Hana couldn’t imagine screaming anything else when the dam breaks again. Waves of pleasure and ecstasy course through her and stars fill her eyes. Sombra gently climbs off of her, and flops down next to her. She gently kisses her cheek and waits for her to recover.

“So how was I?” she asks.

“Incredible,” Hana answers.

“Best you’ve ever had?”

They both giggle. “Hey, you just lost your virginity! High five!”

Hana giggles again and slaps her palm.

“So do you want to make this a regular thing?”

“Yeah!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! Next chapter might be up soon! See you there!


	3. Maybe we shouldn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just realized I don't think I ever revealed their ages. I wonder if this'll put it more in the "creepy" area or if you assumed it was something like this.

The next day at school, Sombra’s all Hana can think about. She spaces out in history and thinks about how she felt lying under her, all the stress forced out of her mind. She snaps back to reality and realizes her panties are a little damp, and she tries not to blush. She spends the whole day drifting between fantasy and reality, remembering what happened the day before and fantasizing about what could happen later. Her math teacher assigns her homework, and all she can think about is how much that will delay her getting to fuck Sombra.

That changes at lunch. She sits at her normal table with a bunch of other freshman. Orisa seems to be leading the conversation, discussing her weekend date with Bastion, a junior.

“He took me to a scary movie, probably hoping I’d do the thing where I get scared and cuddle up with him or something,” she says, “and Efi told me to play along, so I did, and I guess it worked.”

“You guess?” Lena asks.

She shifts, a little uncomfortable. “Yeah, he took me back to his place and we hung out a while, but then it got late and he wanted to” she lowers her voice to an uncomfortable whisper “have sex.” She resumes normal tone. “So I left.”

“Yeah, I think we’re a bit too young to be doing that, maybe in a year or two,” Lena says.

“I don’t even think it’s about being too young,” Fareeha says. “Fourteen year olds and sixteen year olds shouldn’t be having sex, it’s way too creepy.”

Hana’s immediately burned with shame and embarrassment, but fortunately no one notices. Lena and Orisa both agree, and change the subject once they see the boys starting to head over to sit with them.

Her post-lunch thoughts are very different than before. She keeps hearing “it’s way too creepy” over and over in her head, each time her voice becomes more judgemental and Fareeha stares harder and harder at her. Her English teacher thinks she’s sick and offers to let her go to the nurse.

_Hana: I don’t think we should do this anymore_

_Sombra: ???_

_Sombra: Talk to me at home_

She sighs. One more thing to dread. She zombie shuffles through the rest of the day, and then goes home.

She goes inside and greets her dad when she sees him sitting on the couch. He mumbles a “hello” in return. Maybe five, six years ago he would’ve noticed something was up and asked her why she was upset. Recently that duty fell to Sombra. Sombra, who she may never feel comfortable looking in the eye again. She wants to cry.

She waits an agonizing hour for Sombra to finish whatever club she’s in at the moment, hoping she’ll get there soon and it’ll all be over with. When she hears her arrive, she wishes she took longer. An all-too familiar pit in her stomach appears, and it feels like locusts flood her body when someone knocks on her door.

She opens it. “Hey. Can I come in?”

Hana nods, and she shuts the door behind her. “What’s wrong?”

Everything floods out. “We were talking at lunch today about how Orisa’s date wanted to have sex with her even though he was 16 and she was 14 and everyone brought up how gross that is and I just feel so dirty and wrong.” Tears well up in her eyes, and that alone embarrasses her. It shouldn’t, she’s cried in front of Sombra many times in the past, but it does all the same.

“Hana, it’s so different! Orisa’s date was some perv who wanted to get in a girl’s pants. We _love_ each other, Hana. I’ve known you for your entire life and you’ve known me for most of mine. We—”

“Stop,” she whispers.

Sombra nods and feels guilty.

“I just… it feels so _dirty_.”

“Can I hug you?”

Hana nods, and is comforted by her sister’s arms wrapped around her… but a little disgusted too. Last week it would’ve reminded her of when Sombra was always there to console her when she was sad or upset, but now it just reminds her of… yesterday.

“Hana, if you want, we never have to do it again and we can forget all about it. I hope you change your mind, because I enjoyed it and I know you did, but we don’t have to do anything that you don’t want.” She gives her a final squeeze, and goes back to her room.

They both sit on their beds and stare at the wall feeling miserable.

Monday and Tuesday, Hana goes to bed feeling gross.

Wednesday, she tries to sleep, but her mind teases her with images of Sombra’s breasts. Her vagina wets against her will and she hates it. After lying awake with her panties burning with desire, she touches herself to thoughts of her sister, and goes to bed feeling gross.

Thursday, she wakes up after a dream of her and Sombra getting a hotel room and fucking all night. Disappointed by how lackluster masturbating felt after the real thing, she becomes painfully aware that her sister’s in another room.

 _No!_ She thinks. _I’ll find another girl someday, I can just wait until then._

Friday morning, she realizes _I don’t want another girl._ She leaves for school before Sombra and spends the whole day thinking about her.

Friday night, her parents leave for some work event. After arguing for a while and asking Sombra the same question over and over “just to make sure you’re sure”, they leave.

Hana reaffirms that this is what she really wants, and knocks on her sister’s door.

“Hey.”

“Hi. I was just gonna take a shower, I was wondering if you wanted to join me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you here... no I'm not. Hopefully I can get the next chapter out quick.


	4. Maybe we should

Sombra happily follows her sister to the bathroom. “Sure you want to do this?”

“Absolutely!”

“What changed your mind?”

“I realized that what some people say doesn’t matter, the only girl I’d ever want is you.”

She almost squeals when she hears that, and Hana opens the door and turns on the shower. The two girls quickly strip, excited to see each other naked again.

“Wow, you’ve got a sweet ass, Hana,” Sombra says. “Didn’t get to see it that much last time. Wish I did.” She cups it and squeezes firmly.

“So, uh, I know I’m the one who suggested it, but I’m not exactly sure how shower sex works,” Hana admits.

“Well, although the idea of shower sex is awesome, from what I’ve read online it’s better to do foreplay in the shower and save actual sex for afterwards. But let’s give it a try.” She opens the door to the stall-style shower, giving her ass a little shake before Hana goes in.

“Wish we had a bigger shower,” she says. “Oh well. Water’s good?”

“Yeah,” Hana answers.

“Good.” With little warning, Sombra pushes her sister against the wall and crushes their lips together. Hana’s surprised at first, but quickly melts into her. Their tongues dance around each other, and Hana wishes she hadn’t made them lose the week. Sombra reaches around and squeezes Hana’s ass, gently kneading it.

Hana reaches up to squeeze her breasts, gently pinching her nipples and running her thumb around her areolae. “You can play a little rougher than that, come on.”

She pinches and pulls on her, then leans down to put her mouth around them. She takes one of her nipples in her mouth and gently takes it in her teeth. “Excellent!”

A couple seconds later, there’s a knock on the door. Both girls freeze and stare at each other with shocked expressions.

“Yeah?” Sombra answers.

“Sombra? Have you seen Hana anywhere?” their dad shouts through the door.

“Uh… I think she went out for pizza or something.”

“Alright. Tell her to text me when she gets back. We’re leaving again now.”

“Bye.”

They stand silently until they think it’s safe.

“Well, that was kind of a mood-killer,” Hana says.

“What? Come on, almost getting caught like that is a turn on.”

“Are you crazy?”

“A little bit.”

“Can you imagine having to explain what we were doing?”  
“Can you imagine the look on his face?”

“You _are_ crazy.”

“Hey man, some people like the idea of getting caught.”

“Who??”

“People! It’s a fetish, some people like it, some people don’t. Anyway, we were in the middle of something.”

 

Tuesday after school, Sombra knocks on Hana’s door. “Hey. Done with homework?”

“Yeah, just finished.”

“Good.” She locks the door behind her. “Take your pants off.”

“Sombra, mom’s home!”

“I know, so be quiet.”

“We can wait until later.”

“Remember when I told you how hot getting caught is?”

“Remember when I disagreed?”

“Don’t go into things with a closed mind, Hana. This could be really fucking hot.” Hana looks at her skeptically. “Come on, you don’t have to do anything to me. Just let me eat you out and try not to moan.”

The prospect is tantalizing, and getting off seems appealing at the moment. “Okay. I’ll try it.”

“Yes!!”

Hana peels off her jeans and panties, arousal starting to slowly cook within her. She lays down on her bed, and Sombra positions herself between her legs. She gently drags her nails over her inner thighs, sending a shiver through her. Her hot breath sweeps over her vulva, arousing her further. She kisses up her inner thigh, and once she gets to her prize she drags her tongue up to her mound and then back down the other side. Hana silently endures the teasing, despite frustrated moans pressing against her lips.

Finally, Sombra’s tongue touches her entrance, lightly licking over it, tasting her juices. She glacially drags her tongue upwards, gently parting her slit, getting turned on herself by Hana’s muffled squeaks.

Just before getting to her clit, Sombra pulls away. “Try biting a pillow, you can be a lot quieter that way.”

“Just get back in there,” Hana orders.

“Ooh, bossy. I think I like it.”

Hana gets a pillow ready just in case and Sombra dives back into her. Hana exhales sharply as her tongue sweeps up her sex and makes contact with her clit. Sombra traces circles around it with her tongue and hears her breathing quicken.

Soon enough, the pillow is crammed into her mouth and her face is contorted with the effort of staying silent. Her back arches with pleasure, and Sombra has to grab her ass so she doesn’t get bucked off. Sombra feels her body twisting with ecstasy as it nears the edge. She does her best to get her there quickly. Hana finds her hand cupped around her breast, and wishes she’d undressed fully.

Stars break in her eyes and she strains to not scream in ecstasy. Her whole body writhes as she gets off, and Sombra pulls away with one last kiss to her lower lips.

She looks at Hana, breathing heavily with eyes wide open and pillow still in mouth. “So, how was it?”

Hana gives her a thumbs up. Sombra sits next to her, gently rubbing her thigh. “What'd you think?”

“Alright, I’ll admit it was better than I was expecting.”

“Do it again soon?”

“...Maybe.”

“Yes!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure why this chapter took me a while to write, I just kept putting it off for some reason. Hope you enjoyed it, and as usual comments are always appreciated, positive or negative.


	5. Relaxation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter here, just wanted to bang this one out. Next one will be longer as soon as I figure out what it's going to be.

Five fifty in the morning, and Sombra sneaks into Hana’s room. She notes how beautiful she looks when she’s asleep, then gently positions herself into her bed behind her.

“Hana,” she whispers, trying not to jolt her awake. “Hana,” she tries again, a little louder this time.

She groans a little. “What?” She’s not awake enough to speak louder than a whisper.

“You got that big test today, right?”

“Ugh.”

“Want me to help you destress?”

“Mmm… yes…”

“Okay. Just relax, baby. I’ll take care of you.” The words flow softly out of her mouth.

Her fingers find the waistband of her panties and slide in, gently sweeping over her pubes and her sex, and she whispers sweetly as she fucks her.

“I know you’ll do fine… it’s just a stupid test…” and later “you’re so beautiful… I love you so much…” until she gets off, quietly soaking her panties and her sister’s hand. Hana wishes she could relax in that moment forever, with one of Sombra’s hands in her panties and the other wrapped lovingly around her, cozy in her bedroom, with rain pounding against the windows.

Unfortunately, she has to go to school.

 

“Shit, that test was brutal,” Orisa says.

“Actually kill me,” Jesse says.

Hana shrugs. “It was alright.”

“You’ve been weirdly calm lately,” Orisa notes.

Hana shrugs. “I guess.”

Fareeha abruptly interrupts. “Hana, can I talk to you alone for a minute?”

She becomes unnecessarily paranoid that Fareeha had somehow guessed what she was doing with her sister. “Uh… sure.” She leads her to the corner of the cafeteria by the broken vending machine and pulls out her phone.

“You’re not gonna like this… but look.”

She pulls out a picture of her mother Ana and Hana’s dad enjoying each other’s company a bit too much.

“Oh my God…” Hana manages. She feels like her knees are going to give out and blood drains from her face.

“Just thought you should know.”

“Can you… send that to me? I need to show Sombra.”

Fareeha nods and Hana feels like she’s about to throw up.

 

Hana runs to her sister’s room after school. “Hey! Here to return the favor?” Sombra asks.

“Not right now.” She pulls out her phone and shows her the picture Fareeha sent her.

“Oh, jesus.” Her world isn’t as devastated as Hana’s, but she’s clearly a bit shocked. She sighs. “I guess it’s not that surprising. Mom and dad don’t really love each other, of course they’re going to start looking elsewhere.”

“But—”

“One second. I have just the thing we need right now.”

She opens her desk drawer, shifts some random crap around, and takes out a plastic bag. She tosses it on her desk and rifles through some other drawers.

Hana’s eyes widen. “Is that…”

“Mary Jane, my first love.”

After a couple minutes, Sombra has a blunt rolled with experience Hana didn’t exactly expect from her. She lights it and inhales deeply, then passes it to her sister. She reaches for it, pauses to reconsider, then takes it. She inhales lightly, then passes it back.

“What were you saying?” Sombra asks.

“Uh…” she pauses to try to remember. “Oh. Mom and dad are still married, it’s not right. I know they barely even like each other, but you’re supposed to at least separate before looking somewhere else.”

“What’s it matter? Marriage is a joke anyway.”

“What do you mean? You don’t want to get married someday?”

“As much as I like the idea of being that committed to someone, I don’t think you need to be married to do it. Besides, the way humans are, mating for life is a fucking joke.”

_ What are we doing then? _ She wants to ask.  _ You said you loved me. Don’t you?  _ She half wishes Sombra could see the expression on her face, and is half glad she doesn’t. An emptiness gnaws inside of her, and she fills it with smoke.


	6. Rethinking it

Late that night, she sits up in her room surrounded by some notebooks she dug up. She was never as good of an artist as Sombra, but she tried to learn after her sister did. The notebooks contain sketches of herself in a wedding dress, in her earlier drawings from when she was a kid she’d be standing across from some faceless man, but as she got older they became more detailed women.

She flips through the notebook she carried with her through all of eighth grade. In the back is a wedding playlist she added to whenever she heard a song she liked. In retrospect, some of them were absolutely terrible choices, but some of them brought up the image of her dancing with a beautiful girl she loved with all her heart on the happiest day of their lives.

She puts the notebooks away and tries to go to sleep, but she can’t stop thinking about what Sombra said.  _ As much as I like the idea of being committed to someone… mating for life is a fucking joke. _ She tries to focus on the first half, but she just keeps hearing that one of her deepest desires is “a fucking joke”.

_ So? _ a voice in her head says.  _ What did you have with her anyway? You had sex a few times, that’s it. _

She tries to argue back.  _ But we said we loved each other. _

_ You don’t know what love even is. Love is supposed to be a fiery passion for another human that consumes your very soul. That’s what you’ve always romanticized it as, isn’t it? But neither of you actually love each other. You just want to get in each other’s pants. _

She tries to think of a justification.  _ I can’t stop thinking about her. _

_ You can’t stop thinking about her breasts. _

Trying to tune out the voice she grabs her headphones and tries to sleep with music blasting. Eventually, it works, but she only gets a couple hours of restless slumber.

Despite this, she feels a little better in the morning. She tries to have a rational conversation with herself on the way to school. She looks up the definition of love on her phone: “(n) an intense feeling of deep affection.”  _ Alright, maybe the intensity isn’t quite there yet. There’s still deep affection. _

She scrolls down a bit. “(v) feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).”  _ There we go. _

_ Not good enough, _ her subconscious replies.

She spends the rest of the day trying to ignore herself. Halfway through the day, she realizes that she was so caught up in trying to convince herself that she was in love that she forgot about the main problem: “mating for life is a fucking joke.”

_ Hana: did you really mean that? _

_ Hana: “mating for life is a fucking joke”? _

_ Sombra: look at our parents _

_ Hana: Look at other people’s parents! _

_ Sombra: Like your friend Fareeha’s? _

_ Hana: What about us?? _

_ Sombra: We really shouldn’t be texting about us. _

_ Sombra: Delete the messages and we’ll talk at home. _

Hana sighs and obeys. The day falls into the now too-familiar doublethink of passing way to quickly and dragging on far too long. Both girls arrive home at about the same time, and Sombra brings Hana into her room.

“Sombra… you love me, right?”

“Of course.”

“What kind of love?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you love me like a sister? Best friend? Girlfriend? Soul mate?”

“I don’t believe in soul mates.” Hana looks at her silently, waiting for an actual answer. Sombra sighs. “I don’t know. Everything’s just blending together. It’s just like this… this… there’s something within me that flares up when I think of you and even more when I see you and I just never want it to go away.”

“Ever? For the rest of your life?” The same feeling Sombra just described starts building up in Hana’s head, chest, and stomach.

“I don’t think you can blame me for thinking everlasting love is hard to come by,” she says. “But I want to try. With you.”

A feeling Hana can’t describe but is definitely love blooms within her. Sombra kisses her softly and it gets even stronger. “Alright, finish your homework and I’ll take you out to dinner later.”

“Like a date?”

“If you want,” she says.

 

She took them out of town so no one would recognize them, and after burgers and ice cream they sit on the hood of her car and stare up at the stars like it’s the 70s or 80s. Sombra has one arm tightly wrapped around Hana, who’s snuggled up close to her. She’s never had a healthy view of love before. First was her parents, who actively disliked each other. Sophomore year was full of people who just wanted to date her for sex, people who she just wanted to date for sex, and getting cheated on a lot. And abandonment. A lot of abandonment.

She looks to her side. She knows Hana’s pure. Hana would never abandon her, and she’d never abandon Hana. She kisses her on her head and whispers that she loves her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna be a quite a bit of smut coming soon before things get shitty again


	7. Smut and fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the fluffy smut while it lasts, there's only this and one more chapter before it all goes to shit again.

Every couple Sundays, Jack and Angela drag their daughters to the mall. Unfortunately, this is one of those Sundays, so they waste the day following their parents through the mall. Fortunately, today’s one of their “silent days”, it’s mortifying to be with them when they’re arguing nonstop, but both girls can feel the tension building, just waiting for something to push them over the edge.

“Can we go to GameStop?” Hana asks.

“Later,” Jack says.

“I can take her, we’ll meet you back here in a few minutes,” Sombra offers.

“No, we can be a family today,” Angela says.

_ We really fucking can’t _ , Sombra thinks. She considers sneaking off anyway, she doubts either of them would notice if they left, but doesn’t want to risk it. Besides, if they bought anything there it would be obvious that they left. Hana gets a couple texts in a group chat asking if anyone wants to hang out. She sighs and has to ignore it.

A feeling of dread overcomes them as they walk into their mother’s favorite clothing store. It’ll be dark by the time they get out of there, and they’ll still have half the mall to go. Jack follows her quietly throughout the store as Sombra and Hana get more and more restless.

Sombra pulls on Hana’s sleeve and leads her away from their parents. “Where are we going?” Hana asks.

“Dressing rooms.”   
“Why?”

Sombra giggles. “Oh, sweet, innocent Hana.” She looks around to make sure no one’s watching, then pulls her into one of the stalls and locks the door.

“What are you—”

“Shh… be very quiet. And get naked.”   
“Oh my god, are we actually—” Hana whispers.

“Quieter,” Sombra breathes, starting to undress. Fortunately, the stall door goes all the way to the ground, so they don’t have to worry about people seeing two pairs of feet.

Soon enough, both girls are naked, and Sombra covers the bench with their clothes. “We’re actually doing this?” Hana asks.

“Yes. Be perfectly silent.” Sombra sits down on her shirt, and gestures for Hana to join her. She really wants to kiss her, but knows even that will make too much noise. Instead, she goes directly to third base and runs her fingers up and down her slit. Hana shivers with anticipation, and gasps slightly when she touches her clit.

Sombra presses a finger to her lips, and Hana nods. She spreads her legs a little, and gestures for Hana to play with her. Hana nods and extends her hand, brushing against her fingers against her vulva. She slides her fingers into her, feeling her hot, wet walls press against her, and curls her fingers the way she taught her to, finding her g-spot. Sombra’s body shudders, but she doesn’t make a sound.

A couple muffled whimpers from Hana later, and Sombra realizes she has to do something about her. She has her lie down on the bench, and moves so she’s above her, almost as if she’s about to fuck her missionary style. She keeps her right hand between her legs and uses her left to cover her mouth.

“This good?” she breathes. Hana nods. Sombra takes a second to admire her, how hot it is to see her naked beneath her, her mouth covered but her eyes begging for her. She slides her fingers into her and draws circles around her with her thumb.

Hana finger fucks her for a while, until she leans down and whispers “clit”. She slides her fingers out and drags her juices along her, finding the requested area and gently rubbing it. Sombra exhales slowly, controlling her volume. She’s not sure how much longer she can, though, she taught her sister well and she’s gotten quite good at fingerbanging her.

Within six or seven minutes, Hana’s clutching her breast and half-silenced moans are leaking out from behind Sombra’s hand. She bucks her hips violently, but Sombra lets it happen because it’s not making a terrible amount of noise and it’s pretty hot to watch.

All the noise that should be coming out of her mouth instead spills from her vagina, joining the heat of her regular orgasm. Sombra almost melts watching, she can’t scream but she can see the orgasm in her eyes, fuck, she’s so beautiful. She pulls her fingers out of her, slick with her juices, and sucks on them. How the hell does she taste so good?

She feels her thighs start to tense up as the heat’s ready to rush out of her too. Another minute, and her face contorts with silent pleasure as she comes. Hana removes herself from her and licks her fingers clean. Sombra isn’t as sweet as she is, but she enjoys it nonetheless.

Legs shaky, Sombra lowers herself back onto the floor and helps Hana to her feet. They start to get dressed again, and Sombra notices that most of their fluids ended up on her shirt.

“Oops,” Hana whispers.

“It’s dark, no one will notice,” she shrugs, slipping it back on. It’s fairly noticeable, but she could probably play it off as having spilled something on herself. They check to see if the coast is clear, and sneak back into the store. Both their parents are still there, and if they noticed their absence, they didn’t say anything about it.

 

It’s the Friday before memorial day weekend, the day before the town pool opens. With Jack and Angela gone, Sombra sees it fit to give Hana a private show as she figures out which swimsuits fit and which don’t.

“You have Wilhelm for history, right?” Sombra asks as she starts to strip out of her normal clothes.

“Yep,” Hana says, taking off her shorts and panties to she can fully enjoy the show.

“So this is around when he assigns that end of year project,” she says, taking off her bra.

“Yeah, he assigned the groups on Thursday.” She focuses on her breasts and starts rubbing her crotch.

“Who’s in your group?”

“It’s me, Jesse, and Amelie.”

“Ooh, the hot French one? She’s a sophomore, right?” She slides off her panties, and poses briefly to give Hana a good look at her.

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“What’s your topic?” She picks up a one piece and starts putting it on.

“American frontier, at Jesse’s insistence.”

“Jesse’s the one obsessed with cowboys, right?”

“That’s him.”

Sombra finishes donning the swimsuit. It doesn’t fit right, and crushes her breasts almost to the point of forcing them out.

“Gotta say, I really like that one,” Hana says, her arousal flaring.

“Can’t really agree with you on that one.” She starts stripping it off, and Hana rubs herself a little bit faster.

“So how’s school been for you?”

“AP tests are over, so we’re not really doing much. So pretty great.” She puts on the top of a bikini, and reaches for the other half.

“No, keep it just like that.”

“Damn, you’re pervier than I thought.”

“Only for you.” She moans as Sombra turns around and shakes her butt at her before putting on the rest of the swimsuit.

“Hey, mom and dad are gonna be gone tomorrow night until Sunday afternoon. How do you feel about watching some porn together and then sleeping in the same bed?”

“I would love that.”

After a couple minutes of Sombra’s modeling show, she brings herself to a soft, moaning orgasm. It’s not as powerful as the ones she has with Sombra, but sometimes it’s all she needs. Besides, there’s plenty of time for those tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't have sex in a changing room. Just don't.


	8. More fluff and smut

As soon as Jack and Angela are out of the house, Hana and Sombra have the computer open and on xvideos. “Lesbian?” Sombra asks.

“Of course.”

Hana starts to undress as Sombra pulls up a video that looks good. As it loads, Sombra takes her pants off, but prefers to rub herself through her panties. They gently rub themselves for a few minutes, moaning softly.

“Oh jesus, look how long her nails are,” Sombra says. Hana winces just thinking about it. They soldier on for another few minutes, until both girls in the video are making some of the least sexy fake noises they’ve ver heard.

“Okay, moving on,” Sombra says, clicking out of the video. She finds another one. “Oooh, a strap-on. We should get one of those.”

The first couple minutes are decent foreplay, but it goes to hell after that. “Oh my god, why the hell is she sucking the strap on.”

Sombra sighs. “Third time’s the charm, I hope.”

The third time was not the charm. Nor was the fourth, fifth, or eighth.

“This is why I usually just watch softcore,” Hana says.

“Alright then, you find something.”

Hana switches sites. “You kinda got me into watching more public videos,” she says. She pulls up a video of a busty girl masturbating in a pool changing room.

A couple minutes through the video, Hana sucks in a breath as Sombra reaches over to graze her inner thigh. Her pinky slowly creeps over to the edge of her vulva, the other fingers slowly following. Hana hasn’t quite mastered the subtelty yet, so when she wants to return the gesture her fingers immediately meet Sombra’s hand. Sombra starts removing her panties, and as her right hand is a bit preoccupied with teasing, Hana helps her take them off.

Neither girl gets off from the video, but they’re both sufficiently aroused and ready to go. Sombra suggests they move to the bed, and Hana happily agrees. “We’ve never done a 69, have we?” Sombra asks.

“No, but I want to.”

Sombra crashes onto the bed and lies on her back. “Get on top.”

Hana eagerly positions herself on top of her, and excitement flows through her when Sombra grabs her ass and positions her properly. She moans as Sombra licks her eager pussy, and starts to return the favor. She’s not used to the angle, but works with it, and soon enough gets into a good rhythm. She feels her sister moan into her, sending tingles through her pelvis and abdomen. Loving the feeling, she moans into Sombra as well.

With all the teasing earlier, it doesn’t take Hana long to get off, stars bursting in her eyes, and she delivers a long moan into Sombra’s crotch.

Sombra’s not done yet, though, and keeps licking, loving the soft, wet skin.

They stay like this for over half an hour, pleasure flowing endlessly through each other. Eventually, they’ve both had enough, and Hana rolls off of her.

“That was… so good…” Hana pants.

“Definitely need to do that again soon,” Sombra agrees. She starts to get up. “Follow me.”

Hana quickly puts on a shirt and panties, and follows her out of the room. Sombra, not as concerned with modesty, didn’t bother getting dressed. It doesn’t matter much, in their quest to remove all joy from the house, Jack and Angela keep most windows covered by thick curtains that are rarely open. She pours them both a glass of water. “Gotta rehydrate after that.” Hana thanks her and downs the drink.

“Now…” Sombra says, pulling out two wine glasses and setting them on the counter. She also finds a half empty bottle of red wine. She pours herself a glass, then offers it to Hana.

“I’m fourteen,” she reminds her.

“So was I when I first tried it. Just a little bit?”

“Yeah, why not.” She pours a couple teaspoons worth into the cup and hands it to her.

She takes a tentative sip and grimaces. “This is vile.”

“Yeah, I thought so to. You get used to it.”

“I don’t think I will,” she says, pushing it away.

Sombra shrugs and finishes her glass, rinses them out, and puts them back.

“Alright, I’m going to bed. Feel free to join me when you want.”

“Now sounds good,” she says. Both girls go back up to Sombra’s room. Sombra lays down on one side, giving Hana about half the bed. Hana strips back down and lays next to her.

“Good night, beautiful,” Sombra says, kissing her forehead.

“Good night. I love you.”

“You too.”

Sombra’s quick to drift off to sleep, but Hana lies awake a little longer. She feels the body heat radiating off of her, looks at the soft contours of her face, and feels perfectly content. She kisses her forehead softly and closes her eyes. She feels safe, protected next to her.

 

Sombra didn’t expect either of them to be able to sleep, assuming one of them would wake the other by accident at some point, but she wakes up at ten the next morning surprisingly well rested.

“Morning,” Hana says.

“Hey. Sleep well?”

“Amazing. You?”

“Perfect.”

Hana smiles and looks up at the ceiling. “When we’re older and move out we can do this every night.”

“I’d love that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was nice. Too bad it's over. Time for everything to get fucked up. Such is life.


	9. The fuckup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sombra fucks up

The next Friday, Hana has Amelie and Jesse over to work on their project. As Hana’s predicted, Jesse’s already loaded with knowledge on the subject, so the girls mostly work as scribes.

Amelie notices her collection of game consoles (that her parents tried to buy her love with). “Oh yeah, you’re the gamer one, right?”

“Yep, that’s me.”

“You got Halo?”

“All of them.”

“Maybe when we’re done the three of us could play a few rounds.”

“Didn’t know you were into games, Amelie,” Jesse says.

“Oh, I’m very good.”

Not as good as Hana, it turns out. All three of them are surprisingly adept, though, and spend a couple hours dominating in multiplayer.

 

_ Doomfist: Hello there _

_ Doomfist: Motherfucker I forgot this was my nickname _

_ Akande removed his nickname _

_ Akande: You there _

_ Sombra: Yep. What’s up? _

_ Akande: I’m back in town for the day _

_ Akande: Alone _

_ Akande: With some VERY good weed, I might add _

_ Akande: You doing anything today? _

_ Sombra: Nope _

_ Sombra: Actually wanted to get out of the house, sister has a bunch of friends over so I was looking for something to do. _

_ Akande: Someone, perhaps? _

_ Sombra: Hahaha nope _

_ Sombra: Have a girlfriend. _

_ Akande: Shame. _

_ Akande: Well, if you still want to join me, let me know. _

Within a couple minutes, she’s outside her old friend’s house. It already smells pretty strongly of weed, and when she walks inside she sees him sitting on his couch with a blunt in hand.

“Sombra! Looking beautiful as always.”

“You’re even more stoned than I thought,” she jokes. He’s not looking that bad either. She hasn’t seen him in two years, and by the looks of it he’s spent most of that time working out. 

“Want a hit?”

“Of course.”

They spend most of the morning catching up and getting incredibly blazed. They don’t stop until one of his neighbors bangs on his door to complain about the smell.

“Remember last year when we used to fuck?” Akande asks.

Sombra giggles softly. “Of course. That was  _ fun _ .”

“Sure was. Remember that night we did it three times?”

“Remember when we tried for the fourth and you could hardly get it up?”

He chuckles. “Good times. Remember the first time we got high and did it?”

“Ooh, yes!”

“Just a sec, it’s a bit warm in here, I hope you don’t mind.” he strips off his shirt. Sombra’s temporarily stunned when she sees his muscular torso. “What were you saying?”

“I…” she starts laughing hysterically. “I don’t remember.”

He joins in laughing.

“Hey, you know I’m all for equality. Want to join me?” He gestures to his bare torso.

“Oh, hell yeah,” she says. She strips off her shirt and bra.

“Even better than I remembered,” he smiles.

“Probably are better, grew quite a bit in the last year.”

“Oh, so have I,” he says.

She giggles. “Alright buddy, keep it in your pants.”

“Hey, it’s my house, it goes wherever it wants.” He spaces out for a second, then quickly comes back. “Hey, come here a second.”

“Okay.” She sits next to him.   
“You have an Ogundimu on your face.”

“A wha—” he suddenly kisses her. She’s surprised for a second, but quickly embraces the familiarity of his kiss and mindlessly indulges in him.

Taking this as an invitation, he starts pushing her onto her back, ending up on top of her. Not one for foreplay, he gives her breasts an obligatory kneading for a few seconds, then slides his hands down to her shorts. He unbuttons them while she feels up his muscular torso and back.

She helps him slide off her shorts and panties, and he undoes his pants. In a couple seconds, they’re both naked, and he slides his erect penis down her slit and penetrates her.

She moans with pleasure shortly after he starts thrusting into her. One of her hands grabs her breast and the other finds her clit and she starts playing with herself.

_ Sex is so much better while stoned, _ she thinks.  _ I’ll have to try this with Hana. _

_ Hana. _

_ Oh god, Hana. _

“Wait, stop!” she yells. He does.

“What’s the matter? Doesn’t hurt, does it?”

She pushes him out of her and gets out from under him. “I…” tears start to fill her eyes when she gets dressed. “I have a girlfriend. I’m sorry, I… I need to go.”

She finishes getting dressed and runs outside.

 

When she’s back home, Hana’s friends are already gone.

“Jeez, Sombra, how much have you been smoking?”

_ I should wait to sober up, maybe tell her in the morning… _ she cuts off that train of thought quickly. She needs to tell her now.

“Hana…”

She can see Hana’s heart shatter when she confesses her sin. Her face goes pale, then red, then pale again. The shocked expression on her face hurts the most, it makes her feel like she just waterboarded a puppy.

“But… how… you said you loved me.”

“I did. I do.”

“No! You lied to me!” her voice breaks. “You used me!” she starts crying. “You’re worse than dad!”

That one hurts the most, because it’s true.

“Hana—”

“No!” she sprints out of the living room, out of the house, through the spring evening, trying to suppress the tears until she can find somewhere to let it out. She ends up in the park, and finds a bathroom to lock herself in. It looks almost as disgusting as she feels. She closes herself in and starts bawling.

Sombra too goes to their bathroom. She looks into the mirror and sees a red-eyed demon glaring back at her. She’s done the worst thing she could possibly do, betrayed her sister the same way she’d been betrayed countless times.  _ I hate you, _ she whispers to herself.

She finds a razor, and for a second she’s struck with a desire to bring it to her neck and destroy herself. No, she deserves worse. And she could still protect Hana in some way, at least try.

Her arms are her next choice, but it’s too obvious. Someone would notice. Instead, she takes her shirt and bra off and lifts her breast. She cries out as she slashes the skin underneath it, blood starting to flow down her stomach. She takes a washcloth and starts to wipe herself off, taking it to her room so she can clean herself as needed. She stops in the kitchen to take a bottle of wine to her room.

When Hana drags herself home a few hours later, red eyed and broken, Sombra’s hiding in her room, drunk. She winces as she hears Hana go back into her room, throw something, and start sobbing once again. She’s tempted to put on headphones and block it out, but she deserves to have to hear it.

She’s tearing up the notebooks with drawings and wedding plans in them. Sombra confirmed what her parents made her believe. There’s no such thing as love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, how'd I get here? This started just as "ooh, underage adopted sisters are fucking, look how naughty this is" and now we're here. Hopefully I can figure out how to fix this so I can write more fluff smut. This is seriously starting to depress me.


	10. The apart, part 1

_ Human Aimbot: Alright, Jesse and I have been wondering about this for a while, so I’m just going to ask. _

_ Human Aimbot: You don’t hate us, do you? _

_ TANKTANKTANK: Of course not _

_ TANKTANKTANK: Why would I? _

_ Cowboy: Well, admittedly we didn’t know you too well before, but you got really spacey and upset around the same time we started hanging out. _

_ Human Aimbot: IIRC, the monday after we all came over every single one of your teachers offered to send you to the nurse or to the teen center. _

_ Human Aimbot: We wanted to make sure we didn’t do anything _

_ TANKTANKTANK: No, it wasn’t you guys _

_ TANKTANKTANK: I like you guys a lot! _

_ TANKTANKTANK: Just… I don’t want to go into the details (with ANYONE) but my sister really upset me that weekend and it’s been hard to recover. _

_ Cowboy: Really? _

_ Cowboy: My sister can be a piece of work a lot of the time, it’s just your sister, nbd _

_ TANKTANKTANK: It’s not like that _

_ TANKTANKTANK: You guys notice how you’ve never met my parents despite spending hours at my house? _

_ TANKTANKTANK: It’s pretty much always been like that, so Sombra’s pretty much taken care of me. _

_ TANKTANKTANK: She was my best friend _

_ TANKTANKTANK: And now she’s not. _

Jesse and Amelie send obligatory sympathies. Over the past few weeks, thinking about what happened made want to cry, punch, or curl up in a ball in a dirty restroom and never get up again. Now she just feels insufferably empty, her whole body devoid of emotion except for a simmering negativity.

She’s actually really thankful to Jesse and Amelie. Sombra was mostly her only companion, but she’s only seen her a few times since the incident. She’d taken the opportunity to tell her she hates her, and all she did was nod somberly and say she hates herself too. While she couldn’t rely on Jesse and Amelie as much as she could rely on Sombra, they’ve still been a huge comfort.

Soon enough, it’s the first day of summer break. Hana promises herself she’ll get out of the house and do something. She doesn’t. She promises herself she’ll do it tomorrow. She doesn’t. It takes a week of half self-loathing, but she finally goes outside into the summer air.

She walks around for a while with no destination, and eventually finds herself in a coffeehouse. Amelie’s there, sitting next to Lena, apparently. She didn’t know they were friends.  _ Or more than friends _ , she thinks, noticing how they’re cuddled up to each other and possibly holding hands.

She plans on maybe waving at them, getting a drink, and leaving, but Amelie waves her over. She sits down across from them.

“Promise it wasn’t me who made you feel bad?” she asks.

“Yeah, of course. It was all Sombra, you’ve actually been a huge help.”

“Your sister?” Lena asks. “What did she do?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Ever. Basically I trusted her and she betrayed me.”

“Yeah, we’ve been there,” Lena sighs.

“Sorry, are you two together?” Hana asks.

“Yep! For a couple months now.”

“Why didn’t I know about this?”

“We kept it a secret because…” Lena starts, then falters.

“We can trust her,” Amelie says. “Just don’t tell anyone. We were actually poly with another girl, but she cheated on us.”

“Wait if you were, uh, poly—”

“The three of us were just supposed to be exclusive to each other. Like a regular couple, but with three people,” Lena explains. “She had other plans, I guess.”

“Now that it’s just the two of us, there’s no reason to hide it,” Amelie says. “Unless we find another third we know we can trust. Maybe a girl our age who knows what betrayal feels like and wouldn’t ever dream of making someone feel the way she did.”

“I’m starting to get the feeling you have someone in mind,” Hana says, trying not to blush. She looks over at Lena. She seems fairly enthusiastic about this, despite the fact that Hana for some reason had the idea she didn’t like her much. Looking back, there was no reason for her to think this, it was probably just self esteem issues.

“If you’re interested,” Amelie says. “If you want, summer could just be a test run for us, then if you decide poly isn’t for you, we break it off, no hard feelings.”

She has some doubts, but just a test run couldn’t be too bad, right?

“When did you guys break up with her?”

“About a month and a half ago,” Lena says. A little before Hana broke up with Sombra.

“Alright, I’ll try it.”

Both girls smile at her. “You’re going to love it,” Amelie says.

 

It’s almost the end of July. Sombra goes into the bathroom for her daily cutting. There are dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep, with very little life behind them. She’s going pale due to barely leaving her room. Her chosen spot under her breast has gotten too scarred, so she instead cuts across her ribs, which she can see a little too prominently because she hasn’t been eating much. She slices, winces, bleeds, wipes herself down, and goes back to her room. She takes the bottle of wine from under her bed and drinks deeply, finishing it off. She tosses it in the recycling and goes down to get another.

There are more bottles, apparently Angela replenished her stash. She must be getting suspicious by how quickly they’re running out, but she hasn’t said anything yet. Sombra doubts she will. She brings it back into her room and hides it under her bed, and then sits down on top of it. Her room smells and so does she, but since she barely leaves she sees now point in showering anyway. There’s no one she wants to present herself to.

Meanwhile, across town, Hana and her new girlfriends lay happily in Amelie’s room. Amelie takes her bed, Hana sits in the cozy papasan chair, and Lena insists that she’s comfortable on the floor. Rock music flows from her speakers, and Hana’s finally content. Just like when she was with Sombra.

_ No. No. Don’t think about her. _

Amelie’s parents pull out of the driveway, and Amelie quickly pulls something out from under her bed. Lena sits up excitedly. “Hana, do you smoke?”

“Once,” she says. She’s not sure if she wants to do it again, last time she got really upset afterwards.

_ Because of Sombra _ , she reminds herself. Amelie rolls the joint and pulls out a lighter. “Want to try again?”

“Sure.”

Half an hour later and she’s breathing pure bliss. The music carries her up to heaven with the other girls, talking and laughing and just generally enjoying each other. Some sane, sober part of her mind draws comparisons to hanging out with Sombra, but it’s clouded out with bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's substance abuse time! It gets even more fucked when you remember that Hana, Lena, and Amelie are all freshmen who are dating 2 girls at once and getting stoned with them.


	11. The apart, part 2

It’s the end of summer, and once again Hana’s trying to figure out what love is. She keeps the possibility that it doesn’t actually exist in the back of her mind, but doesn’t let it get in the way of her internal philosophical wanderings.

She goes into the unpleasant realm of her time with Sombra. Her body was filled with a hot desire that she hastily classifies as lust. She wanted to believe it was love at the time, but she refuses to accept that now.

She does not love Amelie and Lena. Yet. That’s important to remember, she could grow to like them. There’s definitely an affection there that she wants to hold on to.

Her body, though, still feels empty. The lava that consumed her when she was with Sombra is gone leaves an empty hole. Her feelings, whatever they may be, for the two girls feel like a tarp of warm contentedness covering the hole. The hole’s still there, but she can ignore it.

Amelie and Lena ask for her decision. She says she wants to stay with them. They hide their relationship again, not wanting to explain how three people date each other. They pretend to be friends in public, or at each other’s houses when their parents are home. In private, they hug and kiss and cuddle, delighted to be around each other in either case.

Sombra hears them regularly. Hana says she doesn’t know where she is most of the time, but she’s pretty sure she’s locked herself in her room. She doesn’t care, deep down she wants Sombra to hear, to force her to suffer silently for hurting her. Sombra sits on her bed, listening to the happiness of the girls downstairs, drinking or smoking whatever she could get her hands on that day.

For a while, Hana’s happy. Time goes by and she thinks less and less about what Sombra did to her. She can focus on her girls instead of just seething over her sister. Days go by where she doesn’t think about it at all. Before she knows it, it’s early November.

On the first Friday of the month, the fourth, she and Lena get a text from Amelie.

_Amelie: You girls doing anything tonight?_

_Hana: I’m free_

_Lena: Same_

_Lena: Why, did you want to grab dinner?_

_Amelie: Yes, dinner’s a good idea_

_Amelie: I was more thinking of something later though_

_Amelie: Something fun_

Hana’s face flushes. Oh. Oh. Ok. Breathe, Hana. You don’t know what she’s talking about yet, it could be anything. Lots of things are fun.

_Amelie: ;)_

Oh. My. God. Okay. Cool down, Hana, you’ve done this before. Nope, that just makes it worse. She can’t tell them that. How should she act? Like she knows what she’s doing or should she pretend to be completely clueless?

_Amelie: Hana, are your parents going to be home tonight?_

She checks her phone, half hoping they will and half hoping they won’t. According to the last convo she had with her mom earlier that week, they’d be leaving that evening and wouldn’t be back until Saturday night.

_Hana: Nope_

_Amelie: How about your sister?_

_Hana: She shouldn’t be either._

_Amelie: Empty house, perfect._

_Lena: Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?_

_Amelie: …Maybe_

 

She was, indeed, suggesting what she thought she was suggesting. That evening, when Jack and Angela leave the the house and Sombra locked herself in her room with a case of beer, Hana leads her girlfriends into her room.

“You girls both sure you want to do this?” Amelie asks.

“Of course,” Hana says.

“You are too, right?” Lena asks.

“Sure am. Hm… how should we do this…” she looks between the girls and the bed. “Alright, Hana just had her birthday and mine’s not till spring, so… Lena! Lie down in the middle of the bed.”

“Alright,” she obliges.

“Why?” Hana asks.

“As far as I can tell, for foreplay at least, we’ll have to have two people focusing on one person, so I had to decide who it would be.” Amelie gets on the bed, and gestures for Hana to join her.

A couple minutes later, Hana and Lena are locked by their tongues and Amelie is kissing down the side of her neck. Hana can feel her soft moans against her lips, which stirs in her a desire to hear her moan louder and louder, to scream for her and Amelie.

Amelie’s hand sneaks up Lena’s shirt and up her flat stomach. She squeezes her breast over the bra, then lifts her shirt up to above her breasts. Hana can feel the excitement welling up in the other girl as Amelie deftly unclasps her bra.

“Oh, Lena, they’re beautiful!” she exclaims. Hana pulls away and Lena turns the pale red of excited embarrassment. “And look, Hana,” she smirks. “One for each of us.” She immediately starts kissing down her chest until she reaches her breast. Hana takes a second to admire Lena’s face. She’s clearly embarrassed, but she’s enjoying every second of it.

“You’re cute,” Hana says. She smiles at her and kisses her before dipping down and taking her breast in her mouth. She moans from the stimulation, feeling blossoms of pleasure rise through her chest. Amelie, insatiable, only spends a couple seconds on her breast, and starts leaving a trail of kisses down her stomach. Hana takes the neglected breast in her other hand and traces her fingers around her areola.

Amelie unbuttons Lena’s jeans and grabs them by the waist, pulling them down her legs, kissing her thighs and calves on the way down. Amelie can’t help but develop a devilish grin as she slides her fingers into the waistband of her panties.

“Wait, this isn’t fair,” Lena says, a little short on breath. “You’re both fully clothed.”

Amelie looks up and grins. “Yeah, Hana, you wanna fix that?”

She pulls herself away from her breast. “Glad to.” She stands up and pulls her shirt off, exposing her slim frame and narrow shoulders, then goes for her pants. Both girls look on, excited, Amelie a bit cooler than Lena. She unclasps her bra and holds it in place, slowly lowering it down her modest bust. It eventually falls away to cheers from her girlfriends.

“Your turn, Amelie.” She sits down next to Lena and kisses her on the cheek.

“Excellent.” She starts with her pants, showing off her long, toned legs. She starts to lift up her shirt, but quickly drops it back down and instead takes off her panties. Hana and Lena’s eyes widen and Amelie smirks and frames her shaved crotch with her fingers, thrusting it out slightly. “Wanna touch it? Go ahead.”

Hana lifts her arm and extends her fingers, grazing over the wet skin. Amelie steps closer to Hana, allowing her a better angle. Hana’s fingers dance cautiously around her entrance as she removes her shirt and bra.

“Okay, I think I’ve got a plan. Hana, you know what scissoring is, right?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Perfect. You and I can do that and I’ll eat out Lena, that way we’re all getting pleasured. Sound good?”

“Sounds great.”

She lays down on the bed as Lena takes off her panties. She reaches up to give her butt a tight squeeze, then helps position her so she’s sitting on her face. Hana also takes off her panties, then climbs onto Amelie. She slides one leg under hers and the other one over, then slowly starts grinding against her. She looks up at Lena, who’s breathing heavily and starting to moan. She reaches over and puts one arm on her shoulder to steady herself, then presses their lips together before sliding her tongue into hers.

 

Against the adjoining wall, Sombra sits on her bed, eyes bloodshot and puffy. The noises, hearing other people pleasure the girl she loves, bother her greatly, but she can’t summon the energy to retrieve a pair of headphones. She sits almost perfectly still, cradling an almost empty bottle of the worst wine she’s ever tasted, listening to the results of her greatest fuckup, wishing it were her instead of them.

 

“That was perfect,” Lena says, smiling at the ceiling. Hana ended up between the two girls and she’s loving it, both of their arms around her, both of their bodies radiating their warmth and afterglow onto her. She kisses both of them.

“We can stay the night, right? Your parents won’t be home?” Lena asks.

“Not until tomorrow,” she smiles. “We don’t have to leave the bed for hours.”

“Man, not having your parents around is awesome,” Amelie says. Hana wants to correct her, but at the moment she has to agree.

 

It’s January. Sombra’s spending yet another Saturday moping in her room with her mother’s alcohol, when she hears a knocking at her door. Before she can hide the drink, it opens, and Angela walks in. Sombra can barely manage to look worried.

“What are you doing with this?”

“Took you long enough to notice,” she grumbles, handing the bottle to her and awaiting some kind of punishment or yelling.

She takes back the bottle. “I didn’t ask how long it’s been going on, although it’s been since late spring, if my memory serves. I asked what you were doing with it.”

“Drinking.”

“A bottle every week and a half for months?”

“Something like that.”

“Why?”

She’s tempted to lie, but can’t. “I hurt Hana.”

“I wondered why you weren’t talking. What happened?”

Sombra’s caught off guard. She’s not used to her mom being… a mom. “I… can’t talk about it. If you knew I was doing this since May, why did it take you this long to do anything about it?”

She sighs. “I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to.”

“Afraid of what?”

Her eyes become misty and faraway. “We both adopted you, both when I was… very young, and when you were babies your father did most of the work raising you, and we both thought of you more as his than ours,” she says, starting to choke up. She sniffles. “He really started to get that idea, and didn’t like it when I took charge with anything involving you two, he’d get mad when I did—”

“He didn’t hurt you, did he??”

“No, no, never that… God, I can’t get into this with you. Look at you, you’re _drinking_ , you won’t eat, I’ve been worried sick for months and I’ve been too scared to do anything until now!”

“Mom… you know dad’s cheating on you, right?”

She nods distantly. “Yes. I know.” Suddenly, she comes to, shaking her head. “No. No, I need to focus on getting you better. Come on, get dressed. You need to eat something.”

“Where are we going?”

“Wherever you want, we need to get you out of the house and fed. I’ve been the worst parent for years—”

“Dad’s been the worst parent.”

“And it’s time to fix that. I can’t undo what I’ve done but I can try to make it up to you. Come on.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that took entirely too long. Worth it? Probably not, I still wrote most of it in like two nights, but I hope you enjoyed regardless. Especially now that it's going to be a lot happier (probably...) from here on out!


	12. The apart, part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took entirely too long, but I hope it's worth it.  
> CHANGELOG:  
> Removed chapter 12 "restart or nah"  
> On that chapter everyone recommended rewriting the end of the last chapter, so that section is removed entirely and expanded on in this chapter  
> Nothing's been added to the last chapter, so if you read it before I edited it there's no need to go back
> 
> Hope you enjoy

It’s still January, less than a week later. Angela’s been doing her best to keep Sombra fed and to make sure she goes outside at least once per day. She’s also been making sure she’s drinking less each day, she’s not happy about it but she doesn’t want any risk of her going into withdrawal.

Of course, Angela can’t help what she doesn’t know about, so Sombra still scars herself daily, ruining herself so no one will even want to look at her with her shirt off. She no longer tells herself it’s for penance or forgiveness, she’s long past that. She has to ruin herself like she ruined Hana.

She jumps as the door opens suddenly one day during her mutilation. She turns to see Hana standing in the doorway with shock frozen on her face. They stare at each other, both too afraid to speak.

“W-what the hell are you doing?” Hana demands.

“Punishing myself.”

“But… what?” The image of the blood dripping down her sister’s concave stomach burns into her mind.

“You know what.”

“I… I don’t…”

“Yell at me.”

“What?”

“There are so many things I wish I could say to the people who cheated on me. Now’s your chance. Let me have it.” She doesn’t say anything, just stands there, half frozen. “Anything. Just scream and vent at me. There’s no way you don’t want to.”

Hana’s suddenly aware that she’s starting to cry. She sniffles. “You said you loved me.”

“I do.”

She shakes her head. “You can’t have. You lied to me, used me—”

“I never used you.”

“Yes you did! For months!” Tears flow freely now. Sombra shakes her head. “Stop! You did! You said you loved me,” she sobs, “you made me think I loved  _ you _ , and once you were done with me you just went to someone else!”

“That’s not how—”

“Then how???”

She takes a deep breath. “I went to his house… we got high… he made a move on me, and it was familiar, so… I went with it for a couple minutes, then came to my senses.”

“You wouldn’t do that to me if you loved me.”

“But I do.”

“Stop it! You don’t! And if this is just some sick, twisted way of trying to prove it, then  _ stop _ !!!” She’s wailing at this point, tears and mucus spilling onto her bright red face.

“I told you. It’s for punishment. I needed to hurt myself as badly as I hurt you.”

“Why??”

“Because I lo—”

“YOU DON’T!!” She shrieks, running away from the bathroom. Sombra’s heart breaks again, and she feels like she’s about to cry herself.

 

“You alright, Hana?” Lena asks.

“Hm?”

“You’ve seemed really out of it all day, we wanted to make sure you’re alright,” Amelie says.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just haven’t been sleeping.” That’s not technically false, she didn’t manage to get to sleep last night after her confrontation with Sombra. Both girls, though, know she’s not telling them everything.

“Come on Hana, you know you can tell us everything.”

She shakes her head. The emotions from yesterday bubble under the surface and threaten to spill over.

“Hana, you’re clearly upset. I hate seeing you like this,” Amelie says. “Who’s doing this to you?”

“Sombra,” she whispers.

“Still? You’ve been mad at her since the summer,” Lena says. “She didn’t do something else, did she?”

She nods, tears threatening to spill over. Concern immediately creases her girlfriends’ faces. “Come here,” Lena says. Hana sits on her lap and Amelie lets her rest her feet on her legs. “It’s okay.” Lena rubs her back and Amelie runs her fingers through her hair.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it,” Amelie says. “But you always can.”

Hana feels terrible almost bawling in front of them, but they make her feel a little better. “It’ll be okay, love. Whatever happened, I’m sure it’ll be over soon.”

Hana shakes her head into her shoulder, but doesn’t say anything.

 

Next Monday, Lena sees Sombra in the library. She sits with a hood pulled over her, staring at the ground, almost comatose.  _ I shouldn’t go over there _ , she thinks to herself. She starts going over there.  _ I should turn into this aisle instead _ . She doesn’t turn.

_ I really shouldn’t talk to her. _ “Hey.”

She looks up, slightly dazed. It doesn’t occur to her to say anything.

“Are you drunk?” she whispers, although she fails to fully grasp the concept of a whisper.

“Just hungover.”

“Whatever. Look, I don’t know what you did to Hana, but she’s been upset for  _ months _ , and it has to be bad because she won’t tell us.”

“I know.”

“You  _ know _ ?”

“Of course. I live with her. I know how badly I hurt her, but there’s nothing I can do to make it up to her. I’m just staying out of her way until I can go to college. Then she never has to see me again if she wants.”

Lena’s at a total loss for words. She expected her to defend herself or try to justify whatever she did, but she’s shockingly serious and pensive.

“You can yell at me if you want.”

_ How the fuck is this happening? _ She came over to get mad at her but now she just feels bad for her. Without saying anything else, she turns around and walks away.

_ Lena: I might have done a bad thing _

_ Amelie: What happened? _ _   
_ _ Lena: I saw Sombra in the library this morning and for some reason I went to go talk to her _

_ Amelie: What did you say?? _

_ Lena: I told her that Hana was really upset and I felt like I was about to start ranting _

_ Lena: But then she said she knew and she seemed to really regret it _

_ Lena: She even said that once she graduates Hana never has to see her again if she wants _

_ Lena: And also she was hungover _

_ Amelie: Let’s talk during precalc _

 

The three girls sit in Hana’s bed, leaning against the wall she shares with Sombra. Sombra leans against the same wall, her fingers twitching for the bottle of rum stashed under her bed, but she resists the urge. She promised her mom and herself she wouldn’t drink unless she felt like she was about to go into withdrawal.

“Ok, if you want to stop talking about this, just tell us to stop and we won’t bring it up again,” Amelie says. Hana looks at her with a little trepidation. “But we think it’s important so we wanted to bring it up.”

“Okay…”

“If you never ever want to tell us what Sombra did to you, that’s fine. You don’t have to,” Lena says. Under the blanket, Hana clenches her fists and her arms tense out of frustration. “But she’s your sister and you’ve been mad at her for over half a year at this point. My brothers can be shitheads sometimes, but I can’t imagine not speaking to them for that long.”

Hana doesn’t say anything. She stares unmovingly at the wall. “Okay, can I just make a suggestion?” Amelie asks. She doesn’t answer. She’s too busy remembering walking in on her bloodied in the bathroom. “Try writing a letter to her. Don’t actually give it to her, don’t show it to anyone, just write it and then throw it away.”

Again, she doesn’t respond. Lena and Amelie silently agree to leave the matter alone, and she starts to open up when they change the topic.

 

_ I shouldn’t go down here _ , Sombra thinks to herself as she walks down the stairs.  _ I should just go back upstairs and sleep. _ She keeps walking down the stairs.  _ It’s probably not even here, anyway. _ She squints through the darkness as she looks at the pile of recycling.  _ See? Not here. She probably tore it up, if she did it at all. _ She digs through the pile of recycling. She finds the letter.  _ I should really tear this thing up. _ She turns the light on and reads it.

 

_ I hate you. I hate you so much. For fourteen years I looked up to you and trusted you. I can’t forgive you for this. You were the one person I thought could never hurt me like this. Now it feels like there’s nowhere safe. You were my only shelter, and you used the opportunity to destroy me. _

_ I guess I should thank you, though, for teaching me that love isn’t real. At least I won’t believe in it and get hurt again, not that it could get worse than this. You taught me that whatever I do or will feel for Amelie and Lena won’t be love. At least I won’t hurt them and they won’t hurt me by believing. _

_ I can’t wait until you go to college, and I bet you can’t either. You can fuck all the old boyfriends you want there, and I’ll be all the way back here, out of sight, out of mind. So go fucking crazy. Back an entire frat house for all I care.  _ The next sentence is crossed out.

_ And stop cutting yourself, freak. It won’t make me forgive you. Nothing will. I won’t forgive you when you fucking die, so just hide out in your room until you can leave forever. _

_ Fuck you, _

_ Hana. _

She crumples up the letter. The same emptiness she felt for months consumes her again. She opens the cabinet and finds the first drink she can get her hands on, a bottle of old scotch. She opens it and starts drinking, ignoring the burning in her throat.

Angela sits up in bed when she hears glass breaking downstairs. She’s alone, Jack’s more than likely at the Amari residence, and she sprints downstairs to find her daughter passed out on the floor, convulsing slightly, her face and arms cut by pieces of a shattered bottle of scotch that lies on the floor next to her. She feels her skin, it’s cold. Sombra coughs up vomit as her mother calls an ambulance.

When it arrives, she wakes up Hana. “Hana, come. Sombra hurt herself, we’re going to the emergency room.”

“What?”

“Hana, now!”

She hops out of bed and goes downstairs. She sees paramedics carrying her sister out of the house. Her sister, who made her feel safe when her parents fought. Her sister, who cheered her up whenever she failed a test. Her sister, who taught her how to love.

She freezes. “I won’t forgive you when you fucking die” echoes in her head.  _ I didn’t mean it! _ she wails internally, feeling like she’s about to cry. She jogs after her mother to the car. _ Please, I didn’t mean it! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better?


	13. Hospitalized

“I shouldn’t have let this go on so long,” Angela says. Hana wants to tell her that it’s not her fault, and in a way it isn’t, but in a way it is.

Of course, she blames herself too. Although she has no way of knowing, she’s certain that Sombra read her note right before getting drunk again. That was the eye opener she needed. She couldn’t be mad at her anymore. A couple hours before, she truly thought that she wouldn’t ever forgive her, but if she died in the hospital without her ever getting to talk to her again… she doesn’t want to think about that. Can’t think about that.

She follows her mother into the hospital room and freezes at the sight. Her eyes are closed and she’s barely moving, and for a second she’s certain she’s dead. Then she sees her shallow breathing slightly shifting the blanket, and feels just a little bit better, but not much. Sombra’s skin is pale and her lips are blue, and she’s hooked up to an IV machine.

When they approach her, her eyes open a little and she looks at them. “Hey,” she breathes.

“Sombra—” Hana starts.

“Mrs. Morrison, can we talk now or would you like a minute?” A doctor asks.

“I’ll leave you girls alone,” she says, and follows him outside.

“I’m so sorry!” Hana blurts, feeling herself about to cry again.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry. I’m the fuckup here. You didn’t do anything.”

“You read the letter, didn’t you?” she sniffles.

“Yeah. I shouldn’t have, I just couldn’t help myself.”

“That’s not— it’s not— I thought I felt that way but I don’t, I’m so sorry, if you… if you…”

“Come here,” she pulls her into an awkward one-armed hug as she sobs into her. “You have nothing to apologize for. Me, on the other hand…” she takes a deep breath as Hana pulls away. “I’m sorry I talked you into this in the first place. I’m sorry I cheated on you. I’m sorry I didn’t try to reach out to you all those months. I’m sorry you saw me cutting. I’m sorry I read the letter. And I’m sorry we’re here now.”

“I forgive you,” she says almost immediately.

“You don’t have to.”

“No, I do, I do, I don’t want to hate you anymore. I want to be your sister again.” Sombra pulls her back into a hug, rubbing her back. She holds her for a few seconds, listening to her breathing interrupted by sniffling. “Just… promise me you won’t cut or drink anymore.”

“Never again. I don’t have to.”

“And, um… don’t be sorry for talking me into anything. When it worked, I was really happy then.”

“I was too.”

“Because I…” before she can finish, they hear yelling and stomping from outside. “Oh no,” Hana says. The door bursts open.

“You!” Jack Morrison shouts at his daughter. “I cannot  _ believe _ you did this? What were you thinking? Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in? God, I leave the house for—”

“Oh my God,  _ shut up _ !” Hana interrupts. She’s suddenly terrified when she realizes that she said that out loud. Sombra turns to her in disbelief, as does her father.

“I said  _ shut up _ ! This has been going on for months, you only care now because now it’s costing you money!”

“How  _ dare _ —”

“Whatever, dad, just go back to your girlfriend’s house. Mom’s got it taken care of.”

“Your mother?? Your mother can’t take care of anything! She practically begged me to come over here and get this taken care of for her. You’d better fix your attitude quick, you wouldn’t even  _ be _ here now if it weren’t for me—”

“Yeah, if we had a healthy father-daughter relationship with you, we wouldn’t be in a hospital for alcohol troubles. We’d probably be hanging out having game night or something.”

“You don’t  _ ever _ talk to me like that. When did this start?”

“I dunno, maybe if you were around more you’d have been keeping track.”

“Young lady, that was—”

“Hey, dad?” Sombra says. “Sorry to interrupt, but mom’s been standing behind you for the past two minutes or so.”

Both Hana and her dad’s faces develop two very different “oh shit” expressions. Hana couldn’t see her mom behind Jack, until he turns around and she’s staring up almost insolently at him.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to talk to my daughters.”

“Yeah, fuck off, Jack.”

“Hana,” her mom warns.

“Just go back to Mrs. Amari’s. I’m sure she’s missing you,” Sombra says.

His face goes red, then pale, then purple, then he storms out. Angela watches him go.

“Hana, that was awesome,” Sombra says.

“That was the scariest thing I’ve ever done,” she manages, her voice shaky.

“I really missed you,” Sombra says.

“You too,” she replies.


	14. Discovered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Homophobic language, racial slurs, misogynistic comments. Man, that character's a DICK.

The day Sombra gets out of the hospital, Hana doesn’t leave her side. She tells her about her girlfriends (and swears her to secrecy) and about the new games they’re playing and about every little thing that’s been happening. Sombra enjoys every minute. It’s the first time in months she’s been happy, and the first time Hana hasn’t had seeds of a grudge eating away at her. The sunlight seems brighter and the air fresher.

That night, Sombra gets off for the first time in months. She remembers her first time with Hana, teaching her how to kiss, touching her breasts, undressing her, the electricity, deflowering her. She focuses on how beautiful she looked, tries to remember how she sounded. She softly rubs between her legs, feeling the long-lost heat finally return to its rightful place. Hana can’t be with her anymore, but there’s no shame in a little fantasy.

The image of her beautiful sister after they’d first had sex, flush-faced, sweaty, and glowing, is burned into her mind. She calls it up, remembering the heat and love radiating from her. She can’t hold in her moans as the long-closed floodgates burst open and lost pleasure consumes her.

She lies on her bed for a couple seconds, breathing heavily and staring at the ceiling. After a minute, she dives back in.

Hana lies in her bed, listening to her suppressed moans. She smiles a little, briefly debates playing with herself as well, but decides just to go to sleep.

 

It’s a Saturday in late February. Snow gently powders the roof outside Lena’s bedroom,  where three girls kiss and cuddle, innocent pecks on the lips leading to hungrier open-mouth kisses. Lena sits between her girlfriends, tongue entwined with Hana’s as Amelie kisses down her neck and shoulder. She giggles into her mouth as fingers dance up her stomach to reach her bra. Another pair of hands reach around to cup her ass.

Another hand reaches around the doorknob. Thomas Oxton arrives to investigate the noise coming from his daughter’s room.

The girls freeze when the door swings open. Their faces retract from each other, but their hands remain in a very compromising position.

“GOD ALMIGHTY!” he roars. “Lena Oxton, I thought we raised you better than this! I cannot believe that such a horrible display of  _ faggotry _ ” Hana flinches “is happening in my own house! What do you have to say for yourselves? All of you!”

“You girls had best get out of my sight immediately. Lena, there’s only one thing I can think to do with you. Come with me.”

Color drains from her face. Before she knows it, Hana grabs her hand and sprints towards the door. Amelie’s close in tow.

“Hey! Get back here!  **NOW** !” He roars. As if in a trance, Lena stumbles out the door and into the snow. Hana drags her all the way to main street, Amelie running after them. The cold air and snow bites at them, and their faces are bright read by the time Hana manages to lead them into the same cafe she’d seen them in over the summer.

As soon as they’re sure they’re safe, Lena bursts into tears. Amelie and Hana take her to a side table where they’ll be ignored. Hana justs holds her hand tightly while Amelie rubs her back.

“I can’t go back,” she whispers. “Even if he lets me back in, I won’t… he’ll.”

“Shh,” Hana whispers. “Don’t worry about it now. He’s not chasing us, let’s just crash at my place for a little while and we can figure out what to do.”

Lena sniffles. “Okay.”

A couple minutes later, Sombra’s there to pick them up. They pile in her car and she takes them back. She has enough sense not to ask what happens, so she drives them back in near silence. She and Hana exchange worried glances at stop signs and red lights.

“Cocoa?” she asks.

“Oh God, please,” Hana answers.

“Damn, one family issue goes away and another one shows up,” Amelie says.

“Oh shit…” Lena whispers. “You guys came out to your parents right?”

“Couple months ago.”

“Yeah, why?” Hana asks.

Lena goes pale again as the phone starts to ring. “Well, if you didn’t, you’d have about five seconds to.”

The ringing stops as Angela picks up the phone upstairs. The house falls dead silent as the four girls try to listen. “Hello? I’m sorry, who is this? I have no idea…  _ excuse me _ ? NO, YOU LISTEN! DO NOT TALK ABOUT MY DAUGHTERS THAT WAY,  _ EVER _ ! I DON’T CARE WHAT— IF YOU DO NOT HANG UP RIGHT NOW—  **_WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!_ ** ”

“Holy shit,” Lena whispers. They hear a slam, and then twelve stomps as Angela storms down the stairs.

“Mom?” Hana asks. She pays no attention and stalks through the living room, slamming the door behind her. They watch in shock as the car screeches out of the driveway.

Sombra appears with two mugs of hot chocolate, which she hands to Hana and Lena. “Okay, what the fuck happened?”

“Um…” Hana starts. Sombra leaves and returns with a cup for her and one for Amelie. The girls look around at each other, trying to figure out what to say.

“Okay, I’ll go upstairs for a minute so you can talk amongst yourselves,” Sombra says. She retreats up the stairs.

“We can tell her, if you guys want,” Hana says, pretending she doesn’t already know they’re a triad.

“It’s not like we can really hide anymore,” Lena mumbles.

“I’m fine with it if you are, but two weeks ago you weren’t even speaking, now you want to share this big a secret?”

She shrugs. “It’s a sisters thing, I guess. Let’s go for it. Sombra!”

She jogs back down the stairs. “Yes?”

“Okay, so I’ve, uh, been dating Amelie and Lena here for a couple months—”

“Like, both of them?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Hot. Continue.”

“So we were all hanging in Lena’s room when her dad came in, and it turns out that’s a terrible way to get out of the closet, because he got mad and started screaming, so we ran away.”

“Do you think that was him on the phone with mom?”

“Almost definitely.”

“What do you think he said?”

“Probably called me some pretty terrible things and… oh god, probably told her the three of us were together.”

“Just drink your chocolate. All three of you. Can’t do anything about it now.”

 

Angela can’t remember the last time she’s been this angry. Not when her father refused to pay for her to go to college to get a PhD, not when she’d found out Jack was cheating on her. Even when she’d had suspicions about Sombra and her drinking, she wasn’t as angry as she was scared.

_ Hello, is this the mother of the girl who defiled my daughter? _ She has to slam on the breaks to stop from running a red light.  _ That spic you adopted’s a whore, and I’m sure she corrupted the other one. _ When she parks outside the store, she slams the door shut. She can barely manage to be polite to the cashier who rings her up.  _ You should be ashamed _ , she squeals out of the parking lot  _ to have raised a pair of faggots like that. _ She’s overcome with the temptation to hit his mailbox, but stops herself.

She pounds on his door. He opens it.

“Oh, it’s you. What do you want?”

“I was just driving by. Noticed this is quite a big house you’ve got here.”

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

“It makes sense, I guess, that a pharmacist could afford such a big house. But those cars? And the beach house too? All while raising a child by yourself?”

“Make your point.”

“I will. Putting up posters about the opioid epidemic doesn’t come  _ close _ to all you’re doing to contribute to it.”

“Why—”

“ _ Don’t _ touch me,” she warns. “If you don’t want this to go public, you won’t call my house, you will not call the LaCroix house, you will not  _ talk _ to Hana  _ or _ Amelie. And I swear to God, if a hear a  _ whisper _ about  _ anything _ happening to your daughter…”

“What? You’ll do what? No one’s going to believe you.”

“I suppose not,” she says. She pulls her purchase out of her coat pocket: a small microphone connected to a recorder. “But they’ll believe you. Have a good night, Mister Oxton.” She turns away and walks back to her car.

 

Hana, Lena, and Amelie share one of the chairs, while Sombra sits in the other. They sip the dregs of their cocoa while watching whatever cheesy movie they could find on Netflix. They all jolt when Angela opens the door.

“Where’d you go?” Hana asks.

“Just had some business to attend to, don’t worry. Lena, would you like to spend the night?”

“C-can I?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t worry too much about your father, though, but you can stay here for a little if you’re worried.”

“Thank you.”

“Mom, what did you do?” Sombra asks.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Text me a list of what you all want from the Chinese place and I’ll order it.” She walks upstairs.

“Hana, can your mom adopt me?” Lena asks.

“Eww, then you couldn’t date anymore,” Amelie says, smiling.

“I mean, we  _ could _ ,” Lena says.

“Let’s just stop,” Hana says.

 

Hours later, Hana and Lena sleep in Hana’s bed, snuggled under the covers, hands clasped together, their warmth protecting each other from the cold night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man Lena's dad is a D I C K


	15. Falling apart

The next morning, Hana and Lena eat breakfast in the living room, cuddled up under a thick blanket. Hana wishes they could lay like that forever. Lena wishes Amelie was there.

“You were awesome yesterday,” Lena says.

“Hm?”

“Amelie and I were just frozen, you dragged us out of there. It was awesome.”

She kisses the top of her head. “Can’t imagine what would’ve happened if I didn’t.”

Lena shakes her head. “God… I never came out to him because I knew he wouldn’t like it, I never imagined he would be that angry about it…”

“It might’ve had something to do with how he found out.”

A couple minutes later, there’s a hard knocking on the door. The girls look sadly at it, knowing exactly who it is. Hana wraps her arms protectively around her girlfriend, who snuggles closer into her.

Angela stalks to the door, opening it to reveal Thomas Oxton. “I’m here for my daughter,” he says.

Angela turns to her, wordlessly asking if she wants to go. Hana and Lena are chilled by the hateful glare boring into them. Hana’s arms are wrapped tightly around her under the blanket, but they fall away as Lena pushes herself up and stands.

“Take my sweatshirt,” Hana says, pointing to it. She’d run from her house in a t-shirt and jeans, leaving her own in her room.

“Thanks.” She puts on the pink hoodie. It smells like Hana.

“It was nice having you, Lena,” Angela says. “You’re welcome back anytime.”

“I wouldn’t count on it,” Thomas growls.

“ _ If anything happens, tell me, Hana, or Sombra _ ,” Angela whispers. Lena nods slightly, then marches outside with her father. Hana goes to the window and watches nervously as the car pulls away. Her mother places her hand gently on her shoulder.

“Is- is she gonna be ok?” Hana asks.

“We can only hope.”

“He won’t—”

“No. He won’t do anything. I made sure of it.”

 

Neither Hana or Amelie hear from Lena all weekend, and when they see her on Monday she looks like a zombie. They run over to make sure she’s ok.

“I-- I’m moving,” she says, talking as if she’s still in disbelief.

“What?” Amelie asks.

“Dad’s making us move to Alabama.”

“No!”

“Uh-huh,” she says, starting to tear up. “I can’t— I can’t— I’ve lived here forever, I can’t just…”

The girls embrace her. “When?” Hana asks.

“Friday.”

“ _ This _ Friday?”

“Yeah.”

“But… but…”

The bell to signify the start of classes rings. The girls sadly pull apart from each other and go to their respective classes. After school, when they’re planning on going to Amelie’s house, Lena’s dad drives by, glares at them, and picks his daughter up to drive her home. Hana still goes to Amelie’s house, but both girls wish Lena could be there.

 

It’s Friday morning, and Angela’s once again alone in the house. Her husband’s been home a few times since Sombra’s been hospitalized, mostly to pick up a few things and once to try to talk to the girls, but at the moment they’re informally separated. That’s fine with Angela. In the process of loading up her computer for the online business course she’s taking, she gets a text from her daughter.

_ Hana: Lena just texted “I’m running” and won’t reply to Amelie and I _

_ Hana: She’s not in school either _

_ Hana: Can you call her and make sure she’s ok? Her number’s 524-2016 _

_ Angela: On it. _

“Hello?”

“Lena? It’s Hana’s mom. Hana gave me your number, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Nope, it’s fine.”

“She wanted me to call because you’re not replying her and she’s worried.”

“She shouldn’t be. I’m fine.”

“Where are you going?”

“Grandparents house.”

“Where’s that?”

“A couple miles north.”

“Lena, you’ll freeze!”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Just come here, I’ll drive you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I can’t let you walk over there alone.”

A couple minutes later, she sees Lena going up the front walk. She runs to open the door for her.

“Thank you.” Her cheeks and nose are already red.

“Need anything before we leave?”

She wants to see Hana and Amelie one more time, but she knows her dad’s already gotten the call that she’s not in school, and she’s sure he’ll look for her here.

She gives her the address. “I’m ready to go.”

_ Lena: I’m running _

_ Hana: ?? _

_ Amelie: What? _

_ Amelie: Where? _

_ Hana: Are you running away? _

_ Hana: You’re not here _

_ Amelie: Oh my god, you’re running away _

_ Amelie: Where are you? _

_ Hana: I’m having my mom call you if you don’t answer _

_ Amelie: LENA _

_ Hana: She’s calling _

_ Lena: Sorry about that _

_ Lena: Your mom’s giving me a ride _

_ Amelie: Don’t do this to us, Lena! We were worried! _

_ Hana: Where are you going? _

_ Lena: Up to my mom’s parents house _

_ Lena: It’s still a couple miles away, but it’s better than Alabama _

_ Hana: You’re… already leaving? _

_ Lena: Didn’t have a choice. It was either leave now or risk Alabama _

_ Hana: But… _

_ Lena: I know _

_ Lena: I’ll make sure to get down soon to have a formal goodbye _

 

It’s mid-March, and Lena hasn’t been able to come down and visit them yet. They text a lot, but words on a screen can’t fill the hole she left. Amelie’s just upset, but Hana’s resorted to blaming Lena’s dad and hating him. She wants to go down and throw rocks at his empty house.

Amelie and Hana have been talking less and less. They’ve only gone on two dates in the weeks that Lena’s been gone, both filled with swathes of awkward silence. They haven’t had sex once. Hana longs for Lena to come back, but she never does.

Further north, Lena continues to wear Hana’s sweatshirt, even when it’s warm out. She laments that it doesn’t smell like her any more.

 

It’s the beginning of April, and on the way to bed, Sombra hears muffled crying from Hana’s room. She knocks softly, then opens the door. “Hana?”

She’s lying on the bed, computer open next to her, face buried in a pillow. She shakes arrhythmically with her sobs, which she can hear despite the cloth covering her face.

“Hana, what’s wrong?” She sits next to her on the bed and places a gentle hand on her back, moving it in slow circles. Hana looks up for a second, revealing her tear streaked red face, and points in the general direction of her computer. Sombra looks through the messenger window open on her computer.

_ 3/22, 12 AM _

_ Amelie: Haha yeah _

_ Amelie: Fuck, it’s midnight already? _

_ Lena: Looks like it _

_ Lena: Pretty sure Hana already passed out lol _

_ Amelie: Probably lol _

_ Amelie: I should go to bed soon, talk to you later _

_ 4/2, 10:11 PM _

_ Amelie: Shit, it’s been like two weeks since we’ve all talked _

_ Hana: Guess so :/ _

_ Amelie: Fuck, I didn’t want to do this _

_ Lena: … _

_ Lena: Jesus, she’s been typing for like five minutes _

_ Hana: Are you ok? _

_ Amelie: Trying to figure out how to word this _

_ Amelie: Give me a second _

_ Hana: :| _

_ Lena: :/ _ _   
_ _ Hana :? _

_ Lena: >:] _

_ Hana: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ _

_ Lena: -<@% _

_ Hana: ??? _

_ Lena: It’s a bee lol _

_ Lena: Damn, still typing? _

_ Amelie: It hasn’t been the same since Lena left. I know it’s not your fault, you had no choice, but not having you here just sucks for all of us. I don’t know about you two, but for me our relationship isn’t “fun” anymore. It was when we could see each other every day and spend every free minute together, and even when we can all talk together it’s not nearly as happy as it was back when we were all together. The closeness just isn’t there. Even Hana seems more distant, and I know it isn’t your fault, but again, the closeness just isn’t there anymore. I don’t think I can do this any longer. _

_ Amelie: I’m sorry. _

_ Hana: Amelie _

_ Amelie has left group Two Fae and a Unicorn _

_ Hana: Amelie! _

_ Hana: FUCK _

_ Lena: I _

_ Lena: I don’t even _

_ Lena: We should talk _

_ Hana: Later, definitely _

_ Hana: I think I just need to cry for a little bit right now _

_ Lena: I understand _

_ Lena: Talk to me once you’re feeling up to it _

She also has a few DMs from Amelie, but she decides not to check those.

“Hana… I’m so sorry. Can I do anything?”

“Just… stay with me. I need someone here.” She wishes Lena could be here, but her sister’s more than suitable at the moment. Sombra closes her laptop and crawls under the covers with her.

“Cuddle?” Hana nods. Sombra wraps an arm around her and pulls her close.

_ Fuck, I made her feel this way once _ , she realizes, and immediately feels like shit.  _ Probably worse. _ “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry. For everything.”

“It’s… it’s my fault,” Hana manages in a croaky, tear-stained voice. “I wasn’t going out with her enough, I didn’t—”

“No. Don’t think like that. You did what you could and it didn’t work. It’s her loss, no one should leave a wonderful girl like you.”

“You did.”

Ouch. It takes her a second to recover from that. “So I know better than anyone. Biggest mistake of my life.” She’s quiet for a second. “Sure you don’t want to be alone?”

“Please stay. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”

“Hey, I’m not leaving you again unless you want me to. No need to apologize.”

“Thank you.”

It’s quiet for a couple seconds, but suddenly Hana bursts into tears. Sombra knows the cycle all too well, a few seconds of empty nothingness punctuated by pain. She holds her tight until she finally cries herself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... next chapter happens next day, or skip a few months into the future? Decisions, decisions.


	16. Aftermath/Reuniting

 

_Hana: Morning_

_Lena: Afternoon, actually_

_Hana: Ugh_

_Lena: Agreed_

_Hana: Shit I have a dozen messages from Amelie_

_Hana: I just can’t right now_

_Lena: She messaged me a couple times too._

_Lena: One sec_

_Lena sent a screenshot_

 

_Amelie: You’re not mad, are you?_

_Amelie: Please tell me you’re not mad_

_Lena: Don’t know yet_

_Amelie: I really didn’t want to hurt you_

_Amelie: Either of you_

_Amelie: I just couldn’t do it anymore_

_4/3, 12:22 AM_

_Amelie: Lena?_

 

_Lena: I just don’t even know how I feel atm_

_Lena: I need to see you._

_Hana: I want to see you too_

_Hana: We’re still together, right?_

_Lena: Of course we are!_

_Lena: I think we need each other more than ever right now_

_Hana: I really need to see you soon_

_Hana: Okay, I’m gonna check the messages from Amelie now_

She switches windows.

_Amelie: You’re not mad, are you?_

_Amelie: Please tell me you’re not mad_

_Amelie: Are you there?_

_Amelie: Please, I need to know you’re ok_

She wishes she’d been there to tell her off. Of course she wasn’t ok. The last year’s been simultaneously the best and worst in her life. No one would be ok being picked up and dropped like that.

_Amelie: You’re not crying, are you?_

_Amelie: Fuck, it always hurt when you cried_

_Amelie: Please tell me I didn’t make you cry_

Fuck off Amelie, of course she was crying.

_4/3, 12:22 AM_

_Amelie: Hana?_

_Amelie: I really hope you don’t hate me_

_Amelie: If you do, I understand_

_Amelie: But I really hope you don’t_

Her fingers rest on the keyboard, but a response doesn’t come. She closes her computer and walks downstairs. There’s a note on the table in messy purple handwiritng.

_Hey! Hope you’re feeling a little better. I wanted to stay until you woke up, but I was getting kinda restless, you were sleeping kinda late. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I totally get it, but I had to get up. Try again tonight/tomorrow, maybe?_

_Alright, back now. Looks like you’re still asleep :/ Anyway, I ran and got a bunch of stuff for you. It’s in that box over there — >. Check it out! _

_Did you like it? I’ll be home soon and once I’m back we can do whatever you want or need!_

She opens the box. On top is a plain white container. When she opens it, it’s full of chocolate covered graham crackers and pretzels. There’s also an index card with the purple scrawl on it. _I remember these were always your favorite back before the chocolate shop moved out of town. If they’re not what you remember I’ll go out and find another one._

Despite her nonexistent appetite, she bites into one of the pretzels. She remembers seven years ago on a warm summer’s day sitting outside the chocolate shop happily stuffing her face with chocolate outside the old shop. She puts the lid back on to save them for later. Below the chocolates is a coloring book.

 _I don’t know if you’re into this kind of thing, but apparently it’s a good way to destress and kind of… lose yourself, I guess. Worth a shot probably._ Next to the coloring book is a box of colored pencils. _You thought I’d forget these, didn’t you? (I totally forgot these. Had to run back and get them.)_

Next up is a box of tissues. _Hate to see you cry, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it, so this is the next best thing, I guess._ After the tissues is a piece of paper. The text on this is printed, but still purple. _Made you a mixtape. But we life in the 21st century, so it’s a QR code that takes you to spotify._

She peeks into the box one last time. “No way…” It’s a pink and purple stuffed bunny, one of the original eyes replaced by a button after it fell and with a sizable grass stain on its back. _Look who I found!_

She holds the bunny up to her face. It smells like the basement, but the fur is still soft. She can’t help but smile. She takes the box into the living room, and curls up under a blanket.

 

When Sombra comes home half an hour later, Hana’s sitting on the couch with the bunny in her lap and the coloring book on her knees.

“Like it?”

“I love it. Thank you so much.”

“Anything to make you feel better.”

“Sit with me?” Hana offers.

“Course. Just a second.”

She retreats into the kitchen and returns with a quart of Ben and Jerry’s and two spoons. “Picked this up too, didn’t want it melting in the box though.”

“I love you.”

She crawls under the blanket with Hana, and licks the ice cream off the bottom of the lid while Hana attacks it with a spoon. “Need anything else?”

“Nope, you got everything covered.”

“Okay, just let me know.”

Sombra turns on Netflix and flicks on a dumb early-00s sitcom. The two girls cuddle up to each other and the tub of ice cream. They don’t talk, but their presence is enough to comfort each other. Hana entwines her legs around Sombra’s keeping them both locked in place. Sombra has no issues with that, she doesn’t want to get up anyway.

 

It’s the middle of April. Amelie’s tried to reach out to Hana a few times, but she avoids her. They keep their distance during school, doing their best not to acknowledge each other. Hana longs for Lena more than ever. Her time at school is spent anxiously waiting to go home, and her time at home is spent rushing through homework or talking to Lena.

On the last day of school before spring break, Sombra signs herself out an hour early and runs home. When school lets out, she’s already waiting outside with the car. Confused, Hana comes to investigate.

“Got any plans tonight?” Sombra asks.

“No.”

“Good, get in.”

She obliges. “Where are we going?”

“Strip club. Need something to cheer you up.”

“What??”

“I’m joking, silly. You’re going to see your girlfriend.”

“Really?” Sombra smiles when she hears the lightness in her voice.

“Yep. I found her on facebook and set it up, we wanted to surprise you.”

“Oh my God, I _love_ you.”

“Anything for you, kiddo.” The “I love you” stung because she knows it’s not the same love she feels, but it feels better than it hurts.

Hana realizes they’ve been driving for half an hour. “She wanted to _walk_ this far?”

“Damn, really?”

“Yeah, she said ‘I’m running’, and I guess was planning on walking until I asked mom to give her a ride.

“Well, we’re almost there. Just a few more minutes.”

Sombra pulls up in front of the house. Recognizing the car. Lena bursts out the door and sprints across the lawn. Hana steps out and happily embraces her, squeezing her tightly.

Sombra rolls down the window. “Alright, I’m gonna find somewhere to eat. Hana, text me when you need me to pick you up, or if you decide you’re staying over.”

“Kay!”

“Have a good time. Use protection!” she shouts as she drives off. Hana rolls her eyes.

“Oh, I missed you so much,” Hana says.

“You too! School sucks without you.”

“I’m not doing so great either.”

“Yeah, what’re you doing about the whole Amelie thing?”

“Avoiding her. Can we just… not mention her?”

“Course we can. Hungry?”

“Starving. Don’t get lunch on half days.”

Hours pass and it’s the evening. Hana’s already texted Sombra to tell her that she’s staying over, and the two girls sit in Lena’s room watching a movie.

“So… do your grandparents get out much?” Hana asks.

“Not really, they stay in most nights.”

“That… kinda sucks,” Hana says. Her hand was resting against Lena’s leg, and she shifts it upwards to rest on top of it.

“O-oh,” she suddenly realizes why she was asking. “Well… they’re kind of old and can’t hear that well.”

“Oh really?” Her fingers now brush a region that can only be classified as ‘inner thigh’.

“Yeah, for them to hear I’d have to… be screaming at the top of my lungs.”

“I can arrange that.”

“Oh, what, you _want_ to get caught?”

“It’s a tantalizing concept.”

“Well, let’s see where it goes.”

“Okay, I don’t know about you, but while I’m a big fan of the foreplay it’s been long enough that I don’t think I’m gonna need it.”

“I’ve been pent up for a month.”

“That’s too long. Get naked and fuck me.”

Hana hurriedly pulls off her t-shirt, and Lena follows suit. She undoes her bra and Hana goes for her pants. Hana moans. “Fuck, I forgot how beautiful your tits are.”

Within a minute, they’re naked and Lena’s on top of her. Their tongues dance around each other, lifting their souls up. Hana’s hands explore down Lena’s back, eventually finding her ass. She gives it a tight squeeze, then untangles her legs from her partner’s. One goes over, one goes under, and she pushes her down onto her.

Every hair on their body stands up with the electricity that sparks when their clits graze against each other. Their bodies burn with passion, and Hana squeaks out a few loving expletives as a plume of flame spreads through her pelvis.

She tangles her hand in her hair and pulls her in for a kiss, keeping the other hand firmly on her ass. Electricity courses through the circuit they create, elevating every sensation. When Lena pulls away for air, Hana melts when she sees her sex-flushed face.

“Gotta taste you… one sec,” Hana pants, and pulls her away from her. Lena grips the headboard for balance as Hana presses her lower lips to her mouth. She lets out a staccato “ahh” of pleasure as she circles her clit with her tongue, drifting away every few seconds to lap up her juices.

Lenas moans become more and more frenzied and incomprehensible as her thighs turn to butter. Her legs threaten to give out, driving Hana’s head deeper and deeper into the pillow. Hana takes no issue with the predicament, and keeps her tempo steady.

She guides her over the edge and her eyes fill with stars. She arcs her back and silently screams, only a few sighs escaping her mouth. Hana gently licks up and down her slit to savor her juices, each stroke making her shudder. Once she gets her breath back, she climbs off her girlfriend and kisses her hungrily, tasting herself in her mouth.

“Your turn!” Lena says, and crawls to the other end of the bed. Hana’s inner thighs are streaked with her fluid, which she laps up, feeling her shudder as she teases around her vulva. When she touches her clit her tongue is electric, sending a wave of pleasure through her body. She wraps her legs around her head, locking her in place. She wraps her mouth around her clit and lightly sucks on it, and feels satisfied when she screams through her teeth.

Between the scissoring and touching herself while eating out Lena, Hana’s not too far from the edge. Lena feels her thighs tighten against the sides of her head, and licks over her with long, slow sweeps.

“Fuck, Lena, I—” ‘love’ gets stuck in her throat. “I—” a loud moan overtakes it this time. “I—” third time isn’t the charm, instead of the impossible task of proclaiming love, she announces that she’s about to cum.

And cum she does, gasping and screaming. Everything in her tightens before releasing as powerful waves overcome her, wiping everything in her mind. Lena crawls back up to lie next to her. Their lips gently touch, then they pull apart and smile at each other.

“I—” _love you_ “missed you so much,” Hana says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been WAY TOO LONG since we had a good sex scene here. Hopefully this makes up for it at least a little bit.


	17. Everything is Terrible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what the chapter title says

Lena stands in her school’s gymnasium, leaning against the bleachers as most of the other kids play basketball or just toss the balls around. It’s loud, and she has to have her music pump through her earbuds at almost 90% volume to hear it fully. She checks her phone every few minutes, hoping for both a message from Hana and for the clock to magically jump forty minutes forward and transfer her to the end of class.

A cute redheaded girl approaches her. “Hey.”

She pulls out one of her earbuds. “Hm?”

“I said hey. I can’t help but notice you’ve been here for a good two months now and you haven’t really made friends with anyone.”

“Yeah, I guess not. Thanks.”

“Sorry, I guess that sounded a bit rude. So, why’d you end up in a new school right in the middle of the year.”

“I’m sure you don’t want to hear it.”

“Of course I do. I asked, didn’t I.”

“Alright, then I’m sure I don’t want to tell it.”

“Bad story?”

“Kind of. Sorry, I’m kind of moody right now.”

“All good. So, what kind of things do you like doing?”

“Well, I  _ was _ on the track team at my old school, and I  _ was _ in choir, but of course you can’t just join in all that in the middle of the year.”

“Guess not. So what was your plan, treat this year as a loss and try to join in next year?”

She shrugs. “Don’t really have a plan.”

“Well, take that one, there aren’t really too many others. There are some clubs that you can hop in and out of whenever, though.”

“Like what?”

“Newspaper.”

“Ugh.”

“Agreed, just thought I’d offer. Chess and gaming club.”

“Another no.”

“Your loss. GSA?”

“Could you tell?”

“Little bit. To be honest it gets kinda circlejerk-y a lot, but there’s some pretty cool people there. Good place to make friends, assuming you’re looking.”

“When do they meet?”

“Tomorrow after school and every Wednesday until the end of the year.”

“Maybe I’ll see you there.”

 

Hana sighs as she looks through her message histories with Lena and Amelie. After Lena left, she talked to Lena twice as much as Amelie. She tries to justify it to herself, Lena was gone so she had to talk to her more over her computer. But no, even though she’d seen her in school and took her on dates, she’d had a lot longer, arguably more meaningful conversations with Lena.

She thinks back to when they’d first gotten together. Amelie and Lena had lost their partner, and still stuck together. Lena wasn’t even out of the relationship, but Hana, in her eyes, had failed to keep Amelie around.

The knowledge makes her feel empty, not the wet empty that usually accompanies tears, but the cold empty that makes her want to hide under a blanket forever. She places her computer gently on her nightstand and buries herself under her blanket.

After a few minutes, she pokes her head out and knocks on the wall. Sombra hops out of bed and peeks in. “What’s up?”

“Lay with me.”

“Gladly.” She lifts the blanket and they snuggle up to each other. “What’s wrong?”

“I fucked everything up, Amelie left because of me.”

“No she didn’t.”

“She and Lena stayed together back when their third left them, I couldn’t keep her around when it was just the two of us.”

“That’s her problem. She left you  _ and  _ Lena, you still have her.”

“But it’s my fault they couldn’t stay together! They’d probably still be together if it wasn’t for me.”

“How? Logic it out, Hana, you’re not making sense.”

“They were fine together on their own before I got there.”

“You were  _ all _ fine together before Lena’s dad ruined everything. His fault, Hana. Not yours.”

“I guess.” On some plane she knows she’s right, but her mind is consumed with the cold emptiness. The all-too familiar emptiness that makes her want to cry for no reason and just hide in her room with a blanket and never get up until she rots.

“I can tell you don’t believe me.”

She groans. “I just can’t! It’s like… It’s like…”

“Breathe.”

“I  _ know _ you’re right when you say the words, but when I put it in my head I  _ know _ you’re wrong.”

“Just try, honey.”

“I am.” Her voice takes on the watery quality that it usually does before she sheds silent tears.

Sombra starts to rub her back. “Don’t cry, honey, what’s the problem?”

“I… I’m just so alone. Amelie’s  _ here _ but she’s not, and Lena’s all the way over there, and whenever I’m at school it’s like I’m in this box and it’s so cold and… and…” she pauses to whine from her throat and try to keep the mucus in her nose. “I don’t even want to get out of bed,” she confesses.

“I’ve been there before.”

“And then… and… you’re gonna go to college!” A sob bursts out at the realization. “You can’t leave me here, there’s no one… I can’t… why…”

Sombra squeezes her tight. She doesn’t say anything, her only options are blatantly lying or just making her feel worse.

“I don’t want to be alone!”

Fuck, she’s about to make Sombra start crying too.

“Everything’s just falling apart and I can’t… please don’t leave me.”

“I’m here now.”

“But you’re leaving in September!”

“That’s September, baby. It’s not now, it’s way in the future.”

“Four months.”

“Plenty of time for things to get better.”

“Or worse.”

“Don’t think like that, baby. Come on, you’re in a bad place right now, but it’s just that, a place. You’ll find a way out and you’ll leave it.”

Hana opens her eyes and looks up at her sister. She gave her the greatest highs and worst lows of her life. Right now, she’s the oasis in an endless Tundra of nothingness, the one person she can touch, the one person who can hold her and tell her everything will be alright.

She kisses her, pressing their lips together. Old emotions flare up in Sombra, the dust that covered them clouding her mind. She never wants this to end, just spend an eternity with her sister in her arms, locked in a permanent embrace even as the universe dies around them. She wants to spend every night with her, hold hands with her, kiss her every day, tell her she loves her at every hello and every goodbye and a couple of times in between…

“No.” She pushes her away. Hana feels like an icicle snapped off her brain and plunged into her heart, pushing it into her stomach.

“But…”

“Hana…” she doesn’t let her say she loves her, stopping the words before they can come spilling out. “We can’t. You’re with Lena. You can’t hurt her the way I hurt you.”

_ The way I hurt you _

Everything piles on top of her. Sombra’s betrayal, Lena’s forced exile, Amelie’s abandonment, the rejection, and now the realization of what she just tried to do crashes around her. All the bones in her soul seem to break, and the pain won’t let her stop crying. Sombra patiently, loyally holds her until she finally exhausts herself and sobs her last, fading into slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally just wrote this to be edgy pseudo-incestuous fetish porn how the fuck did it come to this


	18. Selbstverachtung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that the time between chapter uploads is inversely proportional to the length of the chapter? I don't have any math to back it up, but it sure seems that way sometimes.

Hana wakes up before Sombra after five hours of restless sleep. She remembers trying to kiss her, and the urge to disappear under her blanket forever emerges. She feels utterly, completely alone, left out to freeze in the cold. She grabs the comforter and pulls it over her head. She enjoys what she assumes are her last few warm moments near her sister before she leaves her forever.

The sun slowly breaks over the horizon, signaling that it’s almost time to wake up. She can’t stand the idea of getting up and walking to school alone, where she’ll sit through classes alone, and go back home and talk to someone behind a screen, and go to bed alone, only to wake up alone—

“Hey,” Sombra says, gently lifting the blanket to see her sister’s face. “You ok?”

She shakes her head.

“Want me to tell mom you’re too sick to go to school? You won’t have to see anyone, you can just stay in bed and play games all day.”

She doesn’t really want to play games, but doing nothing is far more appealing than doing anything. She nods.

“Ok. You just stay here, I’ll come right back after school. Sound good?”

“Thank you.” The cold sunlight shines in her face, and she can’t bring herself to get up and close the window. It feels like her blanket weighs a million pounds and she can’t bring herself to get up. She rolls over, twisting herself into the bed, and tries to ignore the light.

Angela opens the door. Hana doesn’t react. “Hana? Honey?”

“Mmm.”

“Sombra tells you’re sick?”

“Mmm.”

She feels her cool fingers press against her forehead. “Well, you’re not warm…”

_ No no no no no please don’t make me get up _

“But that’s alright. You haven’t missed a day this year, you can take one or two to rest if you want.”

“Thanks,” she whispers.

“Need something to eat?”

She shakes her head.

“Okay. Just let me know.”

 

Sombra uses the walk to school to clear her head. Her sister, who may very well be clinically depressed from what she saw, tried to kiss her last night. As much as she wanted it to happen, she stopped it. She’s convinced that was the right thing to do, even though not so deep down she wishes she let it happen.

Of course, nothing good could’ve resulted from letting it happen. As soon as Hana saw something to remind her of Lena, she’d immediately feel terrible. Furthermore, a kiss like that could never lead to the two girls getting back together (which she hates to but has to admit she wants in the not-so-deep down), it was prompted by sadness and loneliness instead of true feelings.

_ It was the right thing to do. It was the right thing to do. No, how must Hana have felt when you pushed her away when she needed you most? She was feeling so alone, she just needed someone to touch, and you couldn’t even give her that. _

There’s that voice again. The one that hates her. She rolls her eyes and tries to ignore it. It controlled her for almost a year, she’s back in control now. She spends first period thinking up ways to make her feel better. She’s already doing as much as she can, being there to comfort her and helping her skip school, but there has to be something more.

Oh! She could take her to see Lena again! She whips out her phone and texts her.

_ Sombra: Hey! Can I take Hana to see you again this weekend? _

She gets an answer at the beginning of second period.

_ Lena: Fuck, I wish I could. _

_ Lena: School stuff _

_ Lena: Sorry _

_ Sombra: :/ _

_ Lena: I really want to though! I’ll keep next weekend open. _

_ Sombra: Alright, I’ll get that figured out _

_ Sombra: Also _

_ Sombra: She’s been really down lately _

_ Sombra: Give her a call when you can, I’m sure hearing your voice will cheer her up. _

Of course, just hearing someone’s voice won’t  _ cure _ depression, but it’ll surely make her feel better, right?

Second period she tries to analyze exactly what’s putting her in a bad mood. Obviously depression is depression (if that is what she has) and doesn’t go away easy, but getting rid off everything upsetting her has gotta help at least a little right?

_ Yeah, it’ll help  _ _ you _ _ get back in her pants. _

She rolls her eyes.  _ Shut the fuck up _ . Ok, girlfriend broke up with her and she’s convinced that it’s her fault. That… she can’t really do much about. She can tell her it was Amelie’s fault until the Earth stops spinning, but unfounded guilt is a hell of a drug. A five page essay on why Amelie leaving her was entirely Amelie’s fault probably couldn’t convince her, and she’ll just have to realize it on her own.

Other girlfriend lives halfway across the state? Ok, she tried for that, and hopefully she can get them together next weekend.

_ But of course that won’t happen. You won’t let it. Because you want Hana all to yourself. _

Okay, what else…

_ The root of all her problems, of course, is that someone she trusted took advantage of her, left her, traumatized her, and is now buttering her up so she can sleep with her again. _

She clenches and unclenches her fist under the table.

_ Think about it. Hana’s been unstable since you ruined her. If she hadn’t been so hurt, she wouldn’t have sought out the companionship of two women— _

Now, that’s not—

_ If she wasn’t with Lena and Amelie in the first place, Lena’s dad wouldn’t have threatened Lena with Alabama, and Lena wouldn’t have run away. If Lena didn’t run away, Amelie wouldn’t have left. Everything would’ve been just fine if you didn’t seduce your sister (you depraved freak). _

Third thing—

_ You want Hana to feel better? Just leave her alone. She’d be just fine without you. _

Her eyes start to sting. She thinks the voice that hates her might have a point. If Hana asks her for something, fine, if not she’ll just stay in her room.

She starts to feel sick. Unfounded guilt is a hell of a drug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Does anyone know a fancy (possibly German, they have a word for everything) word for self-loathing? That would probably be a much better chapter title.  
> Edit: chapter name is now "Selbstverachtung" or "self-contempt" (thanks BlueShell, you're the real MVP)
> 
> 2) School is kicking my ass. Fortunately, Thanksgiving break is soon, and what better way to spend it than writing porn in my childhood bedroom?
> 
> 3) I keep describing this as porn but there's a severe lack of porn sometimes...


	19. Tangled

Lena walks into class on Friday and the teacher isn’t there. The students aren’t there. Emily’s there, but she’s not supposed to be in this class. She’s wearing only black panties and a matching bra that shows off a gorgeous amount of cleavage. She sits behind the teacher’s desk, bare feet on the table, letting Lena look down her creamy legs all the way up to her thighs.

“Miss Oxton,” she says with a smile. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

She stands up and leads her out a door that isn’t normally there. Lena watches her round ass shake ever so slightly as she opens the door and they arrive in her old bedroom. Without undressing, they’re both naked. Emily looks at her with Hana’s eyes, filled with divine lust.

She lays down on the bed, and Lena floats above and ends up on top of her. Their open mouths meet, and their souls flow through each other. Emily lets out a soft moan through the kiss, just like Hana, that drives her crazy. She pulls apart, and suddenly Hana’s looking up at her, exposed and vulnerable and trusting. One of her hands is on the back of Lena’s neck, the other is resting near her crotch, her fingers resting on the edges of her soft pubes.

“What are you waiting for?” she asks. Her voice is a blend between hers and Emily’s. She feels Hana shiver below her as she runs her fingers down her side, over her stomach, and between her thighs.

Emily materializes next to them. Hana turns her head to kiss her, and Lena watches in a sort of trance as they passionately embrace. They pull apart and start to pull her in as it all starts to fade away.

 

She overslept, and it’s five minutes before she has to leave school to get there on time. She curses as she starts to get up and feels her wet panties squish against her, and hops up to quickly change. The dream starts to disappear, not giving her enough time to analyze it. Across the state, Hana’s sitting almost lifeless in her bed, already wishing her sister would come back and be with her.

 

Hana’s day drags on endlessly as she wants to get up but simultaneously can’t bring herself to. She wallows in self loathing for a while, managing to go to sleep at one point but waking up 15 minutes later. Every once in a while she feels like she’s about to cry, but the tears never come. Angela checks on her before she goes to get lunch.

“Hana? Sweetie? Do you want me to get you lunch?”

She shakes her head.

“Do you want to go downstairs and play games? The TV is free.”

She shakes her head. She just wants her to go away.

“I know you just want to be left alone right now but if you want to stay home tomorrow then I need you to do something either today or tomorrow.” Hana responds with a groan. “I don’t like you staying in bed all day, it’s not healthy.”

_ God, just leave me the fuck alone _ .

“Do you want me to sit with you? Get you anything?”

She groans out a no.

“I know you probably just want to be alone right now, but I don’t want you to not have something you need just because you didn’t ask.”

“When the hell did you suddenly decide to start being a mom?”

She sighs sadly and closes the door. If it was anyone else she might feel a little victorious, but she just feels shittier.

_ God, just get up _ , she thinks to herself.  _ Get the hell out of bed, apologize to mom and play some starcraft, lying here’s just making you feel worse. _

Her brain wants her to get up, and her muscles want to get up and move, but something in her soul stops her from rolling out of bed and doing anything.

 

Sombra comes home a few hours later. She heads up the stairs and stops just outside of Hana’s room. Just as she reaches for the door, the voice in her head reappears.  _ Ah ah ah, what did we say? I thought you weren’t going to try to help anymore, it doesn’t work. Everything you touch turns to shit. Go to your room and try not to fuck anything up. _

Fuck you. She opens the door and peeks her head in. “Hana?”

“Hi.”

“Want me to sit with you?”

“Mm-hmm.”

_ That was a no. That noise clearly meant no. Go back to your room. Don’t lie down next to your sister. She doesn’t want you there. _

Sombra lies down next to Hana, who immediately cuddles up to her.

“How you feeling?”

“Terrible. I don’t know, it’s just… I can’t…”

“It’s alright. I’ll stay here as long as you need.”

“Can you… apologize to mom for me?”

“For what?”

“I just… snapped at her, I guess. Just tell her I’m sorry.”

She pulls out her phone and texts their mom. For the next couple seconds they sit there silently, matching each other’s breathing.

“She says she understands,” Sombra relays after feeling her phone buzz.

After a couple minutes of Sombra getting ready to speak only to get shut down by the angry voice in her head. Finally, she forces herself to go for it.

“You should really take a shower.”

“Don’t want to.”

“You’ve been wearing the same shirt since yesterday morning and you’ve been under a blanket wearing sweatpants all day, you’ve got to feel kind of gross.”

“Don’t care.”

Sombra sighs quietly and shrugs, then lets Hana bury her head in the crook of her neck.

Lena arrives home from school and immediately calls her girlfriend. Hana doesn’t react as she hears her phone go off.

Sombra peers over her sister’s head to confirm who’s calling. “It’s Lena,” she says.

“Mm.”

“Hana, your girlfriend’s calling, you should answer.”

“I don’t want to talk!”

“Hana…” She calls on a specific tone of voice she’d never thought herself capable of, some odd mix of both begging and disappointment.

She groans and grabs the phone. “Hi.”

“You alright?”

“Fucking peachy.”

“Hana, don’t talk to me like that.”

She sighs. “Sorry. Really. I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now.”

“It’s fine, everyone has one of those days.”

“It’s not really ‘one of those days’ anymore. I’ve felt really… wrong for a while now, and I don’t even think I can call today ‘bad’ anymore, it’s especially bad.”

“When did it start? Why didn’t you talk to me?”

“I might’ve told you when we met up over break, but I was just so excited to see you and I didn’t want to ruin our time together.”

_ It’s been going on this long? _ Sombra thinks to herself.

_ Course it has. You’ve just been self obsessed and haven’t noticed. _

“Wait, so… when we met up, you…”

“I…” she sighs. “It’s all blended together. Actually, can we text now? I really miss you and I love hearing your voice, but talking is just kind of exhausting right now.”

“How about I get on voice and you get on text and I talk to you and you type back?”   
“Perfect. Thank you,” she sighs.

They talk for the next hour and a half. Sombra sits there quietly, happy that she’s finally doing something, doing her best to tune out the self-loathing thoughts.

“Feeling better?” she asks once Hana puts her phone back on the table.

“A little.” She’s not any less bad, but Lena made her feel better enough to outweigh it a little.

“Wanna go take a shower.”

“Ugh.”

“I promise it’ll help. Come on.”

 

The next day, Sombra and Angela force Hana to take a walk around the block. She feels absolutely miserable when she has to make herself get out of bed, but once she’s actually walking it’s not that bad. Sombra and Angela hope that it’ll be easier the next day. It’s not. She remembers how hard getting out of bed felt, not feeling better once she did.

 

_ Emily: Leeeeeeena _

_ Lena: Hi _

_ Emily: Leeeeeeeeeennnnnnaa _

_ Lena: Hi _

_ Emily: Come hang out? _

_ Lena: Where? _

_ Emily: A bunch of us chilling at the Shimada’s place _

_ Lena: Don’t really like parties _

_ Emily: It’s really chill _

_ Emily: Just come hang ooouuuuuutt _

_ Lena: Alright, fine _

_ Lena: See you soon _

_ Emily: Yay! _

Genji happily greets her when she walks in, and Emily finds her within a minute. She’s slightly tipsy, but has a water bottle in hand.

“Come on downstairs, we’re gonna play truth or dare! Genji, you too!”

Before she can say anything, Emily grabs her hand and pulls her into the basement. A couple of other kids in their grade or the grade above sit on the couches and chairs pulled into a circle. Emily sits in a recliner and pulls Lena in to share it with her.

“Alright,” someone who Lena thinks is a junior named Game says, “Jamison. Truth or dare.”

“Feet still hurt from earlier, so I’ll just take a truth this time.”

“Which science teacher do you think is the hottest?”

“Ms. O’Deorian, of course.”

Lena rolls her eyes. While not as loud and obnoxious as most parties, she still wishes she’d stay home. She doesn’t really like these people.

“You’re crazy,” someone interjects. “It’s Ms. Zhou for sure.”

“Are you  _ all _ overlooking the obvious perfection of Mr. Lindholm?” A ripple of laughter courses through the room.

“Anyway… hmm… Lucio! Truth or dare?”

“Don’t trust you one bit, Jamison, give me a truth.”

“Ugh, now I’ve got to think of one. Sure you don’t want a dare? Got plenty of those.”

“Absolutely certain.”

“Alright… ok! You walk into a room and you find that Vaswani girl you hate naked, gagged, and tied to a table.” Lena shifts uncomfortably. The faces of everyone in the circle shift from lighthearted amusement to slightly disturbed. “What do you do?”

“What the hell, man?” Lucio asks, incredulous.

“What?” Jamison asks.

“Okay, no.” He turns to his right. Everyone else in the circle is glad to pretend Jamison said nothing. “Emily, truth or dare?”

“Let’s go dare.”

A slight grin appears on his face. “Why not… kiss Lena for at least ten seconds.”

“No,” Lena says. “I have a girlfriend.”

“It’s just a game, no problems.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Emily says, and follows it with a hiccup and a giggle.

“You don’t have to make out or anything, just kiss her for a little bit.”

She sighs. “Alright.” Emily giggles again, then presses her lips to hers. The boys cheer, and Lena suddenly remembers her dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please help the only way I know how to end fictional relationships is one of the worst ways possible


	20. 18002738255

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, it's been over two weeks? Unacceptable!  
> Although I imagine after this there's gonna be a couple people who wish I didn't update it at all

It’s the first day of summer break. Hana’s spent most of the last couple months of school either staying home or trying to go and leaving early. It’s a beautiful day, where the sun’s shining but not too bright, and the most imperceptible of breezes blows at just the right moment whenever you’re starting to feel too hot. Hana, emotionally exhausted after forcing herself to get through the last day of school and then dinner with her family, just wants to go home.

Sombra holds her hand as they walk through the park. She’s not sure if holding her hand actually helps, but she hasn’t tried to wriggle out of her grip yet, so she assumes it’s a good thing. She doesn’t bother trying to make conversation, Hana’s wearing headphones and she doesn’t want to disturb her. Instead, she just quietly walks through the park with her sister, enjoying the warm air on her face and the sounds of the birds.

In the middle of one of Hana’s long absences from school, Amelie has approached Sombra to see if Hana was alright. Sombra told her that she was just going through some stuff and she’d probably be back soon. Then she said “for what it’s worth, it’s probably not your fault,” and Amelie hated that she walked away feeling better instead of worse.

Hana’s posture completely went to shit, and although correcting it would probably be better in the long run, Sombra doesn’t think it would help her in the moment to make her stand up straight. She squints at the ground, trying to block out the sunlight.

Sombra’s AP Bio teacher Ms. O’Deorian also taught the chemistry class Hana was in, and routinely asked Sombra if Hana was ok. After a while she got tired of saying “she’s just not feeling well”, and she could tell her teacher stopped believing her.

She looks over at her sister. Her auburn hair hangs down over her face, obscuring her features. If she could look into her eyes, she’d probably see the same lost-in-the-storm look that’s persisted over the last month and a half. She gives her hand a gentle squeeze, and feels a weaker squeeze in return.

Last week, she’d been comforting her during a particularly bad night. She’d tried staying up with her, but she couldn’t last long past three while Hana physically couldn’t go to sleep. “It feels like I’m burning,” she’d whispered into the night. Sombra couldn’t do anything but hold her.

Hana walks a little faster once they’re in sight of the parking lot, desperate to go back home. The air feels hot and slow around her, she gets the sense that she’s suffocating somehow.

In some sort of perverse silver lining, Sombra’s been getting better as Hana gets worse. The abrasive voice in her head has almost completely left her alone, as if it migrated to Hana’s head. She’d rather bear that weight for Hana, she’d learned to deal with the voice, but it’s chosen a new target and there’s nothing she can do.

 

Hana feels like her mind and body are on fire, but numb to everything else. It feels like something’s in her head, feeding off her, filling what used to compose her with this hellfire, and no matter how much she begs, pleads, bargains, prays, it just gets stronger and stronger. It shackles her to her bed and leaves its claw marks on her mind and soul when she tries to leave.

The world twists before her eyes. When she looks into the mirror, instead of seeing her own face, the light returns a warped, sunken visage back at her. Darkness becomes darker, light becomes brighter, making every morning and night a headache inducing hell on her eyes. Her game collection no longer beckons her in the afternoons, instead hissing at her to stay away.

The car rides aren’t as bad. She can just sit down, close her eyes, and listen to music. Whatever’s in her head ruined her mind and starts on her body, but it can’t touch her headphones.

 

Sombra holds up the copy of ARMS she’d ran and gotten earlier. “Sure you don’t want to play?” Hana shakes her head. Sombra misses her voice. Her real voice, not the soft whispers she usually talks in these days. “Alright. I’ll miss you.” Hana quietly goes up to her room to lie down.

The sun sets. Angela leaves to go to her night class. Sombra makes mac and cheese for dinner. Hana eats a quarter of a bowl before going back up to her room. Sombra goes up to check on her. Hana insists she’s fine, but the strain in her voice implies otherwise.

“Want me to stay with you?” she asks.

“Later,” she whispers.

Sombra thinks that maybe she should stay with her, but decides to come back and check in an hour.

Within 15 minutes, she’s wishing she’d asked Sombra to stay. Her head pounds. Coils wrap around her organs, making her feel like she’s being squeezed so tightly she’ll throw up. Moving sends wave of pain and nausea through her body; it felt like she was tearing herself in half when she had to turn off the light because it was starting to hurt. Her phone’s not far away, but she can’t bring herself to ask Sombra to come back up.

_ I can end it _ , says a voice in her head similar to her own.  _ I’m in pain. We have painkillers. _ As if to bolster the argument, the pounding in her head flairs up. She decides one or two would be helpful.  _ Or three! _

She’s willing to bear the pain of movement for the promise of relief, and makes her way to the bathroom. She lets out a groan as the bright bulbs burn into her eyes. There’s a rattling as she opens the medicine drawer, looking for tylenol. As if drawn by a magnet, her fingers wrap around the bottle and open the lid. It was bought recently, and it’s almost completely full. She gazes hungrily into it, quickly palms two pills, and swallows them dry.

_ No, two won’t be enough. This hurts a lot. I should take more. _ She pours a few more into her hand. She pours a lot more into her hand. She feels her heartbeat pounding throughout her entire body, a dull throb present at every joint and limb.  _ This is probably enough. This will keep the pain away for a while.  _ She hesitates. There’s a lot of pills in her hand.

_ Come on, just swallow them. It’ll be fine, I’ll stop hurting. _ The voice sounds an awfully lot like her own. She could probably see her heart beating through her skin if she looked. A wave of nausea sweeps over her as she stands unmoving at the white capsules in her palm.

She reasons that she can’t swallow all of them at once.  _ Just go a few at a time, dummy, _ she tells herself, or someone that sounds like her tells her.  _ I can go five at a time, easy. They’re not that big, just get some water. _

She doesn’t know why she’s not doing it. She holds salvation in her palm, and every second hesitating is a second she spends in useless pain. Fortunately, the sane, primal part of her brain locks her hand in place, stops her from moving, fighting to keep her alive. Her chest rises and falls with her almost terrified breathing, frozen in the fear of what she can do to herself.

_ Come on, do it! _ With her other hand, she takes one of the paper cups from the stack over the medicine drawer. Eyes still trained on the pills in her hand, she reaches behind her and twists the faucet on. The cool water fills the cup that could end her pain forever. A little bit spills when she turns off the sink, but it’s enough.

_ Come on, Hana. End our pain. _ Adrenaline courses through her when she pops a couple of pills into her mouth.  _ More! More! _ The voice encouraging her starts to sound a little less like her own. The five pills start to dissolve in her mouth, and she quickly raises the grail up to her lips.

_ You’re doing the right thing. _ The water fills her mouth.  _ End the pain forever. _

In a second, she’s on her knees in front of the toilet, coughing up the pills and water. The capsules she held in her hand follow suit, and she flushes immediately, terrified of what she almost did. As if some sort of divine punishment, she cries out audibly as a wave of pain overcomes her so powerful that it feels like every individual part of her contracts violently. She retches as her stomach threatens to evacuate everything in it. Tears of pain start to fall and she has to alternate between suppressing sobs and suppressing dry heaves. After a couple minutes, all she can manage is to pull down a towel to rest her head on and cry quietly on the bathroom floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright this was super hard to write (that's not why it took so long though, that was just finals) and hopefully I did it justice, mental health's super important to me so if I got/did anything wrong here please let me know so I can fix it
> 
> remember when this used to be porn? get fucking bamboozled it's actually a plot to spread awareness of mental health. Gotta play the long con sometimes.


	21. A lot of talking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually got a theory about why the chapters with long breaks in between are shorter than the ones that get posted a couple days after the last one. Usually there's long breaks between the chapters because I'm just too busy to write anything, and by the time I finally can I just feel like I gotta post a 1K chapter just to put something out, but if there's a few days in a row where I have a couple hours to write, I can build momentum and get a wall of text like this one in half a week

It’s July. Angela and Sombra drive down a rural road to the Clear Springs Youth Lodge, a section of the mental health clinic Hana’s spent the summer in. They’re quiet, Angela listening to music from the car stereo and Sombra listening through her headphones. She carries the KFC Hana requested on her lap, feeling the warmth on her thighs.

The house felt empty without Hana in it, as she’s been around as long as Sombra can remember. Although she’s glad Hana’s getting the help she needs, she misses cuddling with her, eating with her, playing games with her… Of course, all that was months behind them. If that’s going to happen again, it’ll have to be once Hana’s better.

Once they’re close, Sombra reopens the one-sided conversation she’s been having with Lena.

_ Sombra: hey _

_ Sombra: Hana wanted me to let you know she’s in the hospital _

_ Sombra: She’s not gonna have her phone and she wanted me to tell you _

_ Sombra: So yeah let me know if you want me to pass anything on to her _

_ Sombra: Idk if you’ve even seen this but I’m omw to see her now, should I tell her anything from you _

Lena’s been silent for weeks, Sombra’s been checking Hana’s phone occasionally and she hasn’t tried to reach out there either. She’s starting to get tired of having to see Hana’s face fall every time she asks to hear from Lena.

_ Sombra: Seriously. Hana needs to hear from you. I’ll see her in about 10 minutes, just give me something to pass on to her. _

_ Sombra: Please _

They pull into the parking lot and there’s still no message. Sombra sighs, and they walk through the dry heat into the Clear Springs Youth Lodge. Angela asks for Hana, and they’re lead to a small room with a couple couches and chairs. An employee walks Hana in a few seconds later. Angela and Sombra are surprised by her hair, it used to dance three quarters of the way down her back but now barely reaches her shoulders. It’s reminiscent of Angela’s hairstyle during her brief stint in nursing school, and she can’t help but wonder if it was intentional.

Hana hugs her sister and her mom and Sombra passes out food. Sombra and Hana sit across from their mother as they eat and talk.

“Is that therapist still bothering you?” Angela asks as she finishes eating.

Hana makes a face and nods. “They said I’d get a new one soon a week and a half ago.”

Angela sighs. “I’ll talk to them. You two can go outside if you’d like.” Hana nods and they hop off the sofa and walk outside. Hana leads Sombra to a pond a few yards away.

“They still haven’t changed your therapist?” Sombra asks.

She sighs. “Nope.”

“This was the one that hates me, right?”

“That’s the one.” For whatever reason, after telling Dr. Harold a little bit about Sombra, he’d insisted that she was a toxic influence on Hana’s life. She’d repeated over and over that Sombra was there for here ever since she’d been depressed, but he wouldn’t hear it. “A bunch of the other kids here hate him too, we hope he won’t be allowed to work here for much longer.”

“Hope so too.” They reach the pond and start walking around it.

“Have you heard anything from Lena yet?” Sombra shakes her head. Hana sighs dejectedly. Between therapy and her medicine it feels like she’s slowly being pulled out of the pit of despair, but every week that goes by without hearing from Lena just drags her further and further in. She wonders if they’re even together anymore.

“What made you decide to cut your hair?” Sombra asks, wanting to change the topic.

She shrugs. “I dunno. I just suddenly felt like doing it and one of the counselors did it. Do you like it?”

“I love it. It’s gorgeous.” She reaches a hand up to run it through her hair. Hana smiles a little when she feels her sister’s fingers glide over her head. “So do you think you’ll be back in time for school?”

“I hope so. They’re trying to find the right dose of antidepressants for me, and I think the one I’m on is helping, then they’re gonna want to keep me here for another few weeks to make sure I don’t have any reactions to the medicine or relapse. I could be home by August, but it could take until October or later if something goes wrong.”

Both girls have to squint and look downwards to avoid the sun in their eyes. Sombra notices again how beautiful her sister looks, her short hair framing her perfect face, her t-shirt accentuating her slender frame and hugging the gentle curve of her chest, her shorts going halfway down her thighs before stopping to reveal her smooth legs…

_ Jesus, she’s beautiful, _ Sombra thinks.

“Do you ever think…” she pauses. “Nevermind.”

“What was it?”

“Nothing. It was stupid.”

“I wanna hear it.”

Hana sighs. “Do you ever think we’re being punished?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like… we’re sisters, and we…” she lowers her voice “had sex. Like, we’re not supposed to do that.”

“Well, one, we’re not  _ technically _ sisters. Two, no one tells us what we are and aren’t supposed to do. Three, who’d be punishing us?”

She sighs. “I told you it was stupid.”

“Do you think what we did is wrong?”

“Do you?”

Normally she’d pull the “I asked first” card, but decides to let it go this time. “I know  _ I _ did some terrible stuff,” she starts. She can’t tell if Hana has any response to that. “But I don’t think  _ we _ as a couple did anything wrong.”

“I mean, we had sex in a changing room,” she says quietly, giggling a little.

“Oh  _ god _ ,” Sombra laughs. “I can’t believe I talked you into that, can you imagine if we’d gotten caught?”

“Well, it was part of the fun.”

“So… you don’t think getting together was a mistake?”

She shakes her head. “No. I really don’t.”

Sombra’s phone buzzes. It’s Angela, telling them to start heading back.

 

_ Sombra: Alright, listen up _

_ Sombra: I don’t know what the hell’s going on with you, but if I have to see Hana’s face fall when I tell her you still haven’t answered *one more time* I’m gonna blow my freaking brains out. _

_ Sombra: I don’t know if you think it’s just easier to hang back and wait it out, but it sure as hell makes it harder for the rest of us. _

That night, as she start to drift off in her empty-feeling bed in her empty-feeling house, she finally gets an answer.

_ Lena: Stop texting me _

_ Lena: You don’t tell me what to do _

Her fingers clench slightly around the phone and she grits her teeth.

_ Sombra: Fine. _

_ Sombra: Just tell me one thing. _

_ Sombra: Do you still want to be with Hana? _

_ Sombra: Because she deserves better than someone who just ignores her when she needs them most. _

She waits for an answer, but it doesn’t come. She tosses her phone back on the bedside in frustration and tries to go back to sleep.

Alone with her thoughts, she realizes that  _ something _ must be wrong with Lena, this wasn’t the girl she thought she knew, not the girl Hana fell for. At that point, though, she’s too pissed to care.

 

“Hello, Miss Song,” she’s greeted by a tall Asian man sitting in the spot where her normal therapist does.

“Uh… hi.”

“I am Doctor Zenyatta.” He talks in a soothing, almost monotone voice, and has an expression of almost pure serenity on his face. “I’m be replacing Dr. Harold for the foreseeable future.”

“Thank God.” She sits down across from him.

“So, Miss Song,” he starts. “What’s your family like.”

“Well, I love with my sister and my mom. My sister and I are both adopted and my mom and dad are separated. My dad was emotionally manipulated my mom and made her drop out of nursing school to raise kids, and didn’t let her have much say in raising us. Due  _ mostly _ to him but also a little to our mom not standing up to him, my sister and I were… not really neglected but we were left to our own devices a lot. Almost a year ago a friend of mine found evidence that her mom was in a relationship with my dad, and that fucked me up, and I think mom sort of knew for a while and didn’t do anything about it, but they’re separated now and I haven’t seen him in a while, and I’m perfectly fine with that. They’ll probably be getting a divorce soon.”

“That sounded almost practiced,” he says, a lightness in his voice.

“Well, I  _ wanted  _ to say that to Dr. Harold, but he just wouldn’t let me.”

“Too many times, the title of  _ doctor _ is handed to people who do not deserve it.” After a second, “what’s your relationship with your sister like?”

“She’s my best friend. She’s only two years older than me, but she taught me more than my parents when I was a kid because she knew they wouldn’t really teach me anything. We had a falling out for a couple months this year, but we’re fine now.”

“What was the falling out about?”

“I… I really don’t want to say.” She braces herself for him trying to pull it out of her, but he simply nods.

“Have you had any romantic involvements?” He notices that he’s struck a nerve as her face falls and she automatically tries to make herself smaller.

She tries to figure out how much to share. “So I was with this girl Lena for a while, and her dad didn’t know she was gay until she caught us in her room, and he was going to make her move down to Alabama so we couldn’t be together. She ran away to her grandparents, which isn’t too far but it still sucks, and I’ve been seeing less and less of her and it just felt like we were drifting apart for a while.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “I had my sister tell her I was in here and I asked her to be my go between so if Lena told me anything Sombra could pass it on, but it’s been three weeks and she hasn’t said anything. I… don’t know if we’re still together. I don’t know if I want to be.”

“Think of it like this. What do you gain by staying with her, and what do you gain if you break up?”

“Well…”

“You don’t have to answer right away. You don’t have to answer ever if you don’t want to, just think on it.”

“Can I, like… just think out loud for a bit right now?”

“By all means.”

“So when we could see each other all the time, it was great, and we were super happy together. But I don’t know if I’d be losing that if we broke up because we never see each other anymore. And it just hurts every time Sombra comes and I  _ hope _ she has a message for me because if she was in my place I  _ know _ I’d have one for her, and I always thought she’d always be there when I needed her, but Sombra comes to visit and I ask her if Lena said anything and she  _ hasn’t _ , and it feels like I’m in a game of whack-a-mole or something where whenever I can pop out and feel happy for a bit it just hits me that my girlfriend doesn’t want to talk to me, and maybe if I broke up with her I could maybe start to get over it? Like I wouldn’t be wondering whether or not she’d talk to me because I’d  _ know _ she isn’t. But I keep holding out and just  _ hoping  _ and  _ hoping _ and it’s really starting to hurt.” Her voice started to waver near the end and she had to rush because she felt the tears coming.

Zenyatta leans forward and hands her a box of tissues.

“Thank you,” she says. She sighs sadly, and they’re both quiet for a few seconds. “I’ll give her two weeks,” Hana decides. “If she doesn’t try to reach out to me then, I have to break up with her, because I need to get better and I can’t do that if I’m just waiting for something that’s never going to come.” She turns to him. “Does that sound good to you?”

“What’s important, Miss Song, is that it sounds good to  _ you _ .”

She nods, a little uncertain.

 

Sombra’s feeling a bit extra snarky before the next visit, so she finds Lena on Messenger and creates a plan for her next visit to Hana, so Lena will get a reminder to “send message to relay to Hana” half an hour before she arrives. Of course, she doesn’t. Once again, Sombra has to see Hana get crushed when she delivers the news. It’s almost worse now that she’s expecting it.

As usual, the family eats together, and this week Hana gives her mom verbal consent to do a check-in with her therapist while she and Sombra go back to walk around the pond again. Hana’s fingers brush against Sombra’s a few times, and by the time they get to the water they’re holding hands.

“If Lena doesn’t respond by next week,” she says, saying it out loud to try to convince her to do it, “I’m gonna break up with her. I have to.”

“You sure?”

She nods.

“Do you want me to, like, warn her? Maybe try to kick her into gear?”

“I… maybe, I don’t… no. She has to… I need her to reach out to me on her own.”

“Alright.”

Long before she’s ready, Angela has to call Sombra back into the car to take her home. Hana spends the rest of the day by herself, as usual.

 

Gabriel finds the activity irritating and childish, and refuses to participate. The other kids in clear springs all sit around at tables with coloring pencils and paper, making a sign showcasing something about them that they’re proud of. Gabriel loudly insisted that the activity made him feel like he was in kindergarten again, and sits alone in a corner watching. He’s not the only one that refused, but most of the other teenagers are content to have something to do.

His eye’s caught by a Korean girl with a colorful paper as she goes to hang hers up on the corkboard. She’d colored the paper in with a rainbow, and used white space to write in bubble letters “gay, adopted, and proud”. Once’s she’s done, his eyes follow her as she sits by herself on a chair on the other side of the room.

He stands and walks over to her. She keeps her eyes on him as he approaches.

“Hi,” he starts, suddenly realizing he had no idea how to start the conversation or how he wanted it to go.

“Hi,” she says, a little tentatively. He’s been here for longer than her but this is the first time she’s seen him talk to anyone except for a select few people.

He looks back at the corkboard. She studies his face.

“You’re, uh… gay?” his voice is deep and accented.

“Yeah,” she says, not sure where he’s going with it.

“How did you know?”

“I realized that these few girls in my grade were way hotter than any of their crushes of the week.”

He furrows his brows. “Was it really that simple?”

“Not really. As time went on and I was fantasizing about how I wanted my life to go, I started to realize that more often than not I was with a girl than a boy. I tried fantasizing about girls and about boys and eventually realized I was only gonna be happy with a girl.”

“I think I might be gay.”

“Not sure yet?” she asks. He shakes his head.

“Well, just try what I did and I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

He nods. “Thank you.” He starts to leave, then hesitates. “Are you out to your parents?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d you come out?”

“I just told them one night.”

He sighs. “I don’t think it would be that easy with my family.”

 

“I’ve been curious,” Doctor Zenyatta starts. “Did you ask to be admitted here? Or did your parents make you come?”

“It was me,” she says. “I… told you about the night I came here, right?”

“Most of it, yes.”

“It was… I was so scared of myself. I came that close to killing myself, and it was like, for a couple seconds I was perfectly fine with the idea! I was standing in the bathroom contentedly ready to swallow a handful of painkillers, and I was barely even aware of it! I couldn’t even trust myself to keep myself safe, and I was just terrified of that idea, I just laid down on the floor and cried for a while until my sister found me. I told her what I almost did and she freaked out too, my mom came home and she somehow managed to stay collected enough to look this place up. She asked if I wanted to go, and if I realized that if I couldn’t even trust  _ myself _ with my life, this was probably the only option.”

“You’re an interesting girl, Miss Song.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’ve spoken with many, probably hundreds, of suicidal men and women of every age, and not one has mentioned ‘not being able to trust themselves with their life’. I’m sure most of them felt that way, but not one has articulated it that way. You’re a pleasure to talk to.”

“Uh… thanks.”

“You’re keeping things from me,” he says, abruptly but as calm as usual.

“What?”

“There’s a couple things you’ve been keeping from me. Romantic, possibly, or familial.”

“I—”

“It’s perfectly alright. There’s nothing you  _ have _ to say to me. You could remain perfectly silent for the full hour every time we meet and there would be nothing I could do about it. Of course, I can only help you to the extent that you’ll let me.”

Something pulls at her, and the words  _ I had sex with and was in love with my sister _ almost tumble out of her mouth. Almost. Instead, she talks about Amelie.

 

Sombra knows she has nothing to worry about. It’s not her getting hurt today. Of course, it doesn’t help much knowing she’s going to see the person she loves most in the world break her heart.

Hana can feel it coming. She’s spent the week preparing for this. Sombra doesn’t even have to say anything, Hana can see it on her face. The lunch Angela brought feels like a prisoner’s last meal, and she feels it churning in her stomach when she and Sombra walk towards the pond.

“Nothing?” Hana asks, her voice barely a whisper. Sombra shakes her head.

“Alright. Give me your phone.” Sombra nods. Hana feels her heart pounding and she thinks she’s going to throw up before she finishes.

The phone rings. She’s not sure if she wants her to pick up or wants it to go to voicemail. It takes an agonizingly long time to stop ringing, and then she hears a cheery voice in her ear that used to make everything better. Just hearing it is almost enough to make her go back on everything, but she forces herself to keep going. By the time the message ends, she’s almost already crying. She can hear the tears on her voice and she hate it.

“Lena?” she asks. “It’s me. I… I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been here for  _ five weeks _ and I haven’t heard a word from you, and I don’t understand  _ why _ you’ve, you, why you just  _ cut me out _ of your life when I needed you the most. It hurt  _ so bad _ ,” she has to stop for a brief second to breathe, “it hurt because it felt like you just  _ abandoned me _ , and I spent days lying awake trying to figure out,” tears are running down her face. She’s having trouble speaking clearly. Sombra’s focused on the pond. “figure out why you’d do that to me, and I can’t for the life of me figure it out, I just know that… that… I’d  _ never _ do that to you, or anyone, and…” she has to stop and try to take a few deep breaths that can only fill up a quarter of her lungs. She hates that she’s starting to bawl like this, she wishes her breakup message could be strong and prove that she’ll be fine without her. “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t… I can’t just wait around for someone who doesn’t seem to care about me. If you don’t want me in your life, that’s fine. I just wish you could’ve told me. Goodbye, Lena.”

She hits end call, and the damn breaks. She falls into Sombra’s arms, bawling, letting the last five weeks come spilling out of her eyes, nose, and mouth. Sombra squeezes her tightly, rubbing her back. Hana doesn’t want to ever let go, it feels like Sombra’s soul enveloping her is the only thing keeping her from falling through the Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this could proooobably be cut, TBH this whole work is pretty much a rough draft, but I just sat down for an hour or two every day and this is what came out. By the time I was done I was too exhausted to look for what was actually important and what was it, so you got the whole thing. Hope you enjoyed.


	22. Tempering and Confessionals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope your Christmas was more wholesome than mine, I spent it writing this trash

“I finally broke up with Lena yesterday,” Hana says, lying face up on the couch. Dr. Zenyatta pointed out the near-stereotypical image of therapy they were creating, a doctor writing on a pad while his patient lies on a couch, but she insisted she preferred it this way.

“How do you feel?”

“How do you  _ think _ I feel, doc?”

“I assume your mind is once again consumed by emotions far to powerful than you feel they have a right to be?”

“It just… why does it  _ hurt _ ?”

“It’s supposed to hurt. It’s a good thing.”

“I think that’s a load of shit.”

“My father was a blacksmith with an odd affinity for making swords. He told me over and over, the most important part of the process was the  _ tempering _ of the sword. Expose it to the hottest fire before submerging it back into water, then again and again. Is that what you feel like, Hana?”

“What are you even talking about?”

“Is that what you feel like?” he asks again. “Are you being bathed in fire, taking respite in the water, only to be plunged back into the flames.”

She nods. That’s exactly what she feels like.

“That’s your tempering, Hana. An untempered sword will break in an instant, but one that has to suffer before its completion…  _ that _ is the steel that survives, Miss Song. I know it hurts now, but soon it will be done, leaving you ever stronger.”

She stares stoically at the ceiling, the words mulling in her head. Her mind tries to reject those words, the same voice that encouraged her to swallow pills not a month before trying to force them out, the voice she’d dubbed Hana Morrison after her adopted father. The part of her mind with hope, however, embraces them. She’d named this self, her true self, Hana Song, named after her  _ real _ father, the man that had been forced to give her up to a broken home.

_ He’s lying to you. All this is doing is breaking you. Tempering a human, what a fucking joke. This won’t end. It’ll never end. Just give up. _

The Song in her fights back, not with words, but with a memory. She’d spent nights after night playing Darkest Dungeon when it had first came out, and one animation in particular burned itself into her head. Right as it becomes time that any normal human would break, a shining light envelops them and some virtue hiding within reveals itself. She forces herself into that scenario. She’s already done it once before, standing in her bathroom ready to die, tipping her hand over the toilet rather than her mouth at the last second.  _ I won’t break _ , she tells herself.  _ I’ll never break. _

 

Sombra’s heart skips when she checks her ringing phone and sees  _ Lena _ on the caller ID screen. She takes a deep breath, then answers.

“Hello?”

“Let me speak to Hana.”

She bites her tongue and manages something snarky instead of outright aggressive. “Sorry, who is this?”

“It’s Lena.” She can hear the anger in her voice. Somewhere in the back of her mind she realizes  _ this isn’t her _ . “Let me talk to her.”

“Sorry, she’s still in the hospital. As I’ve told you  _ several _ times.”

“I need to talk to her,” she almost pleads, her tone changing rapidly.

“You had five weeks! I told you she was in the hospital and you didn’t say  _ anything _ ! Do you even know why she’s there?”

“Yes, she has depression, I know!” There’s something weirdly familiar about the way she’s talking. “I need—”

“You know NOTHING!”

“Excuse me? You—”

“She’s not in the hospital just because she’s ‘depressed’. She stayed at home all day and barely ate because she was depressed. She’s in the hospital because she tried to kill herself!”

She can almost feel the shock through the phone. “What?” There’s raw fear and concern in her voice. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I told you she was in the hospital, and you didn’t even ask  _ why _ . If you don’t know something, it’s because you couldn’t be bothered to ask.”

“If I knew—”

“You’d  _ better _ not tell me that ‘hey, your girlfriend is in the hospital’ isn’t enough to get you concerned. If that’s what you’re thinking, you have way bigger problems.”

“I just… I need to talk to her.”

“You had plenty of time. I don’t know what you were doing, and quite frankly I don’t care. I went to the hospital week after week and every single time I had to tell her that no, you didn’t answer yet. I had to see her get crushed more and more as she slowly realized that her girlfriend just  _ didn’t care _ about—”

“It’s not that—” she’s crying, but Sombra cuts her off anyway.

“Didn’t care about her, and she eventually  _ had _ to cut you off because  _ you _ were standing in the way of her getting better!”

She hears a couple seconds of wet sobs. Familiar sobs. “She broke up with me over voicemail.” Sombra forces herself to listen to her voice, not her words. “I just want to—”

“Lena, are you drunk?”

“What do you care?”

Everything clicks. Little things about the call, about the way she’d just shut her out, about the way she was talking, they’re all so familiar because she was the same girl only months before.

“Lena, I—” the call suddenly ends. She frustratedly tosses her phone on the bed, wishing she hadn’t gotten angry. Being drunk isn’t an excuse for any kind of behavior, but it’s a  _ reason _ , and if she happens to be addicted the same way Sombra was, a  _ disease _ that needs to be stopped.

Half of her thinks it’s not her fault. Half of her thinks it is, and hates herself for not being able to help.

Halfway across the state, Lena sits alone in a room with as little light as possible, finishing off a bottle of flavored vodka.

 

“You’re still hiding something from me,” Zenyatta says.

Hana groans. “How? How do you know? Haven’t I told you  _ everything _ ?”

“You sound frustrated with me.”

“Yeah, I am. So what?”

“Stop and think. Locate your emotions.” Hana sighs, irritated. “Is it really me that’s frustrating you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I have to come here for an  _ hour _ every day and two on Wednesdays and talk the whole time and, like, fuckin’ ‘introspect’ or whatever and it’s so exhausting that it starts to hurt and I just want to go to, to, I don’t know, I want to sleep, but… but…”

“We’re not allowed to drag you here if you don’t want to be here. If you wanted to, you could’ve stayed in your room the entire time you’ve been here, only coming out if you wanted to eat.”

“Yeah, but—”

“And I told you the first time you were here, you don’t have to say anything. Even if we could force you to be in here eight hours a week, you could just stare at the ceiling silently if you so desired. But that’s not why you’re here. If you wanted to spend your summer not leaving your room except to eat, you could do that at home, and probably on a more comfortable mattress. You come in here every day on your own volition and talk because you want to.” He watches her face for a second. She’s annoyed, but she’s annoyed because she knows he’s right.

“Therefore,” he continues, “it’s not me you’re frustrated with. So what is it?”

“Well,  _ you _ clearly know everything, why don’t you tell me?” He doesn’t respond. She tries to outlast the silence, but she doesn’t have the willpower. “I’m frustrated because I’m not getting better.”

“You  _ are _ getting better, Hana. It’s not happening as fast as you want, but it’s happening. You go outside every day. You eat at least two meals. When someone tells a joke you can laugh at it, Hana. I know everything feels far more intense than it should. But think about how it feels now compared to how it felt in June. You have a ways to go, but you’ve already come so far. And you have to focus on that.” He can see her face soften slightly as she comes off the aggressive.

“So… how does that tell you I’m still hiding something?”

“Did I say anything incorrect?”

She sighs, defeated. “No. You’re right.”

“That sigh proves it, too. A couple sessions ago, I told you that you didn’t have to tell me anything, but if there was something you didn’t tell me, then it could hinder your progress in getting better. I feel I shouldn’t have said that. It may have made you afraid of that thing you’re hiding from me. You’re scared of telling me, but you’re scared that if you don’t you won’t ever get better. This feeling of being trapped presents itself in your frustration towards me. Perhaps rightfully so, you think  _ I _ trapped you here. So I’ll tell you this. Contemplate that thing you’re not telling me. Determine if presenting it to me would help you at all. If you decide it would, consider whether or not keeping it hidden is worth it. The choice is yours. Although a confession usually lightens one’s load, most everyone has something that’s best kept to themselves.”

She spends a couple seconds considering it. For an instant, a simple “no” presses against her lips, preparing to leave her mouth. Instead, she makes sure her secret will never leave the room.

“If you present a danger to yourself or others, I’m obligated to tell someone. Other than that, I’m not allowed to disclose anything.”

“Promise you won’t… you won’t judge me?”

“I don’t believe I have a right to.”

“Okay…” she takes a deep breath. Her voice shakes, as do her hands. “Almost a year ago, when I was fourteen… I…” she builds up the courage to say it. It comes out as a whisper. “I had sex with my sister.” She wants to read his face, but she can’t bring herself to look at him. “It… I… she didn’t force me into anything, she initiated but told me if I wanted to stop she would. I didn’t want it to stop. I had her keep going. We had s-sex pretty, um, consistently for a couple months.” She risks a look at his face. It’s as placid and observant as usual, as if he’s watching a fish tank. “She spent most of high school having a string of really bad and unhealthy relationships. After a couple months, she… she hooked up with an old boyfriend, I guess because she got scared or something because she wasn’t used to a steady relationship. She told me right after it happened, and I refused to speak to her for months. She felt so guilty that she cut herself daily, stole a ton of our mom’s alcohol, and basically didn’t do anything but go to school, cut, and drink in her room.

“That’s when my relationship with Lena and Amelie started. We got together really soon after school ended because their third cheated on them. I was… kinda happy for a while, but there was just this nagging feeling the whole time. I thought it had something to do with Sombra, but after it all fell apart I started to realize that poly just wasn’t for me, and I was just trying to force it because I was desperate for  _ someone _ .

“A little bit before Lena had to move and Amelie left, Sombra ended up in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. I realized I couldn’t just live the rest of my life hating her, and that the pain was already gone, so I forgave her and we became friends. When Amelie left Lena and I, Sombra was the only person who could be there for me.

“Worst of all, for the last two or three months and especially since I came here, I can’t stop thinking about…” she has to take another deep breath. She’s starting to choke up. “About… about kissing her, and having her hold me, and… and…” she stops talking and shakes her head, tears starting to flow once again. She waits for the doctor to condemn her, to call her a freak or a pervert, threaten to report this to the police… nothing happens.

He waits for her to compose herself before speaking. “There are a couple things I’d like to ask you. I’ll do my best not to poison the well or otherwise sway your answers, because we both need to know how  _ you _ feel, not how you  _ should _ feel. And remember, you can always refuse to answer. Ready?”

She nods.

“Do you ever regret having sex with your sister? Wish you hadn’t done it?”

“No. I thought about it a lot, and although after the ruined it she gave me one of the worst parts of my life, when we were together was one of the best parts.”

“Were you in love?”

“I think we were. At the very least we were convinced we were.”

“Do you still love her?”

“As a sister, definitely.”

“But are you  _ in love _ with her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Would you resume your relationship with her if given the opportunity?”

“Do you…” the question dies in her lips. “I don’t know. I think I would.”

“You were quick to excuse her transgression.”

“And?”

“That tells me that you have either completely forgiven her or she manipulated you in some way.”

She wrinkles her nose. “She’s not manipulating me. She never tried to make me forgive her.”

“Do you think she’d do it again?”

“No. I know there’s all these sayings about why you shouldn’t take someone back if they cheat on you, but she never made excuses and she punished herself for it.”

“Has she been with anyone else since you?”

“No…” She’d been aware of this, but never really thought about it. “She hasn’t.”

“Do you feel guilty about having sex with your sister? I assume you’ve kept it hidden from everyone, not just me.”

“No. I keep it hidden because people would judge us for it. I don’t feel bad about it.”

“Most importantly… do you feel better, having told me?”

She pauses before answering. She feels the same on the inside as she does after a good cry. Exhausted, but cleansed. “A little, yeah.”

“We’ll let out early today. Go rest. Go outside, if you can. It’s a beautiful day.”

She thanks him and hops off the couch. She almost turns into her room, for a second it feels like she’s about to be dragged in, but forces herself past it to the front desk. She gets permission to go to the courtyard, and forces herself outside.

It is a beautiful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got around to fulfilling the request for "something good happening to anyone, ever", if you choose to interpret good as "less bad"
> 
> Also I now have 3 projects on this account, another big one on my SFW account, and I'm working on dialogue for a character for SPNATI, so... expect updates to be just as inconsistent as usual


	23. The Dark Place

Sombra helps her mom carry all the knives from the kitchen and the pills from the bathroom and put them in a safe hidden in a closet. She hates it and knows Hana will too. It feels like they don’t trust her even though she spent her whole summer trying (and succeeding) to get better. Any time she needs painkillers for a headache or scissors to open a new pair of headphones, she’ll have to ask someone to get them for her. Her warm welcome back from the hospital will be the treatment of a toddler.

However, those thoughts only emerge when she’s going up and down stairs for the tenth time or stumbles or drops something. For the most part, she’s only thinking one thing.  _ She’s coming home _ .

“Sombra,” her mom approaches her once they’re done, “I need to ask you something.”

“Yeah?”

She exhales. “The doctors said they wanted someone to keep an eye on her overnight, have someone either in or near her room. If she doesn’t mind, would you be willing to sleep in her room for a couple nights? If not it’s fine, I can sleep in the living room, but—”

“No, no, it’s fine. As long as she doesn’t mind.” She hopes she won’t. She’s pretty sure she won’t. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

She sighs in relief. “Thank you.”

She opens the door to her sister’s long-empty room. It’s gotten a bit dusty, she vows to clean it up a bit before they pick her up tomorrow afternoon.  _ I could pick up some of the stuff she left lying around before she left, too, maybe change the sheets, I should get started on that now so they’ll be clean by the time she gets back and oh my god she’s coming home! _

 

Twenty four hours later, the two girls sit in Hana’s bed, playing games together for the first time in what seems like an eternity. The mid-August sun shines through her new curtains, casting a warm pink glow over her room. They don’t talk much, only calling out where in the level to go next, content to just snuggle up to each other. A question begs to escape each of their lips, but they put them aside until later.

Sombra wants to tell her about Lena and see if she thinks they should do anything about it. Of course, she’s afraid mentioning Lena could upset her, and decides to only tell her if she asks. She hopes she’ll ask soon and that she won’t ask for a long time.

Since her confession to Doctor Zenyatta, she’s spent most of her time thinking about Sombra. The couple months where she hurt her were locked away in The Dark Place in her mind that she’s slowly learning how to stay out of; leaving her with memories of encouragement, support, safety… love?

It can wait. If she’ll say yes, they still have plenty of time to be together. If she’ll say no, it’s better to put off the rejection.

Just as they celebrate getting to the end of a level, they hear a door slam downstairs. They look at each other, confused, until they hear someone shout “ANGELA!”

“Jack?” Hana whispers.

Sombra pauses the game. “Wanna bounce?”

Hana nods. They toss their controllers down on the bed, and grab each other’s hands as they creep downstairs. They hear Jack shouting something about money, and can’t bring themselves to take a glance at their mom while their dad is yelling at her. Jack doesn’t hear the back door closing, but Angela sees it out of her periphery.

“Well, I’m sure this is a wonderful first day back,” Sombra says.

“It was nice for a while. Where are we going?”

She thinks for a second, then shrugs. “I dunno. Anywhere. Out. The woods, maybe.”

“Sounds good.”

After a couple blocks, they pass by the middle school. Hana wrinkles up her nose as she looks into the cafeteria, the floor stained from the perpetually-leaky roof and tables that were probably there when their mom went there. The playground is completely neglected and probably dangerous, and the walls are covered in nasty, occasionally derogatory graffiti. “I fucking hate this town,” Hana says.

Sombra sighs. “Me too, hun.”

“At least you get to leave in a month. I’m stuck for another few years.”

They walk across the grassless field and into the woods. “I’m not going far.”

“Yeah, at least you’ll be going to school in the city. Away from this dump.”

“Yeah, but it’s not far. You could walk to campus in an hour if you really needed to.”

“I wish you weren’t leaving at all. I know, I know, you need to get out, and I get that, it’s just like… this selfish part of me really wants you to stay.”

“I get it. If you were the one going to college and I was stuck in High School I’d feel the same way. But it’s good for you, too. If you have to get away you can walk over or even ask mom for a ride and stay for a while.”

“Thanks. I guess it won’t be too bad, just me and mom.”

“And I can hang out on weekends if you want, and I’ll have to be home for the holidays.”

“But if dad shows up again…”

“That’s when you come and visit.”

They hop across a river with sunlight dancing off it. “I’m still gonna really miss you, though.”

_ Ask her! _ she thinks to herself.

_ No! She rejected you last time, she’s going to do it again! _

_ Because I was with Lena then! _

_ That was just an excuse, she doesn’t want to be with you! Why else would she have _

_ She hasn’t been with anyone since we broke up, it must be because she wants to be with me! It has to! _

“I’m gonna miss you too. We’ll visit often.”

_ Ask her! _

_ Do NOT ask her! _

If she asks her to be with her again, she’ll be happy, and the depressed part of her brain CANNOT allow that. It must consume her entirely, transforming her brain into a shell of itself and kill her. The Dark Place starts to spill into the rest of her mind, trying to scare her into inaction or shut her down completely.

Partially in a panic and partially in defiance of the Dark Place, the desire spills out of her mouth. “It’s more than… I want…” she takes a deep breath. “Sombra, I want to be with you again.”

Sombra’s heart swells and she almost bursts into a grin. She forces herself to proceed with caution. “Okay… before I answer, I need to know… do you trust me? Like, completely, 100%? Because I promise, I’ll never do  _ anything _ to hurt you again, but a promise doesn’t mean anything if you don’t trust me.”

“Yes. I do. If you had made excuses or tried to hide it or anything, I’m not sure if I would, but you told me immediately and you punished yourself and I saw how miserable it made you to make me that miserable, and… yes.”

“Then yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes!” Sombra pulls her sister towards her, brushing her hair away from her face, and kisses her. They both smile as they start to melt into each other, the long absent electricity flowing into Hana’s mind and pushing the darkness into the hidden corners where it belongs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, finally got them back together, only took THIRTEEN CHAPTERS  
> They've spent more time apart than they have together, JFC  
> This is also the seventh chapter in a row where there's been absolutely nothing that can be classified as "sexual content" (outside of a dream that didn't actually happen)  
> I started this because I wanted to write "romantic porn" and there has been neither romance nor porn for over 9000 words (literally. I'm not invoking a meme here)  
> Late new year's resolution: add more romance and more porn in 2018


	24. Fucking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this chapter earlier but there wasn't any WiFi in my hotel room and you can't offline edit in incognito mode apparently  
> Also it ended up being a lot longer than I expected

When Jack finally leaves 2 hours later, Angela texts Hana and Sombra to tell them that he’s gone, and goes to her room so they don’t see her crying. She composes herself in time to make pasta for the three of them, but she’s disappointed that she couldn’t make something special for Hana’s first day back home.

“So, where’d you girls go earlier?”

“Just to the woods,” Sombra says.

“Yeah, we thought it would be best if I spent some time outside.”

“That’s good. Did you have a nice time?”

“Yeah, it was gorgeous out,” Sombra says, stressing the word “gorgeous” in a way that makes Hana know she’s addressing her.

“Well, I’m glad you had a nice first day home. Mostly, anyway.”

“What did he want?”

She sighs. She knew this was coming. “He was angry about a chunk of the hospital bill being taken out of his account.”

“Oh,” Hana says, looking down at her food guiltily. “Was it… bad? The hospital bill?”

“Not really,” she lies. “The insurance took care of most of it, but you know how he is.”

“Will he come back?”

“Probably.”

“Soon?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me.”

She stares at her pasta, losing her appetite.

“Don’t worry, honey, you won’t even have to see him. I’ll take care of it.”

She nods, staring through the table.

“Is the pasta alright? Do you need me to make you something else?”

She shakes her head, not wanting to have her cook another meal right before she had to leave for work. “I’m just not hungry.”

Angela can’t help but feel disappointed in herself. It’s her daughter’s first day home and she’s visibly upset. “Well… eat something before you go to bed, okay?” She nods. “I need to hurry or I’ll be late. Can one of you wash this for me?”

“I got it,” Sombra says.

“Thank you.” She hurries off to her room to change.

“What’s wrong?” Sombra asks, clearing her bowl as well.

“I just feel bad. He wouldn’t have been here if it wasn’t for me.”

“Don’t blame yourself for Jack being a shitty person. He wouldn’t have came and yelled at mom if he wasn’t a piece of crap, it’s not your fault he’s like that. And anyway, you  _ needed _ to go to the hospital. As bad as I’m sure mom feels now, I’m sure she’d feel much worse watching you be in pain all summer.”

She stabs a piece of pasta with her fork. “Maybe.” She chews it slowly.

“ _ Definitely _ . I would, too.”

Angela rushes back into the kitchen, now dressed in her nurse’s uniform. “Alright. You,” she kisses the top of Sombra’s head, “be good. And you,” she kisses the top of Hana’s head, “welcome home. It’ll be back to normal soon, I promise.”

“Hope so.”

“Have a good night, see you in the morning.”

“Bye.”

“See ya.”

Sombra waits for her to leave before continuing. “Come here a second.”

She gets up. “Why?”

“Because I gotta…” she closes the gap between them and presses their lips together. Hana moans softly as she feels the energy she wants to make familiar again spreading from her lips. They pull each other together, Sombra’s hand on the small of her sister’s back, Hana’s hands wrapping around her.

They pull apart after what feels like an instant and an eternity. “Feel better?”

“A lot.”

“Thought so. Now eat.”

“Kay.”

 

“Best part is, mom actually wants me in here,” Sombra says as they climb into bed hours later. “So we can share the room until I go to school.”

“Can’t believe it’s only three weeks away…”

“Hey! We’re focusing on the upsides for now. We get to cuddle up every night for, like, over twenty nights.”

They both get under the covers, cuddling up next to each other. “Okay, uh…” Sombra starts. “I don’t wanna, like, pressure you or anything, but I have to ask… do you want to have sex again?”

“Not tonight, I’m still on my period.”

“Well, if  _ you _ don’t mind, I sure—”

“I mean… not really, but I want our first time back together to be… clean, and, like… vanilla, I guess. Like a blank slate, or something.”

She kisses her. “Anything to make you happy.”

“As soon as I get off my period, though…”

“You  _ really _ want to, though, right? Because if not—”

“Of course I  _ really _ want to. I’d do it now, but I’m bleeding and my boobs hurt.”

She kisses her again. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Tomorrow, I hope.”

 

She is, in fact, ready tomorrow. She plans on waiting for Angela to leave for work in the evening and re-consummating their relationship then, but her plans change when Jack returns to the house. Sombra quickly retrieves her speakers and sets them up by the door, rock music blasting to cover his voice.

“Jeez, you’re tense,” Sombra comments, feeling how wound up she is just by sitting next to her.

“It’s  _ him _ .”

“We can’t even hear him, just pretend he’s not there.”

“But he  _ is _ there, and he’s yelling at mom about me, and, and, I just don’t want him here! I hate it when he’s here.”

“I don’t like it either. Problem is, we can’t do anything about it.”

She groans.

“Alright, I gotta help you calm down. Stay here, I’ll be right back.” She runs to her room and grabs some lotion, then sprints back in. “Okay, if you want I can give you a half-decent massage, probably.”

She sighs. “Yes, please.” She instinctively reaches up to move her hair out of the way, forgetting that it’s been short for a few weeks at that point.

She rubs the lotion in her hands, then gently starts squeezing the back of her neck and shoulders. It takes a second, but Hana starts to feel built-up tension rolling off her.

“Feel good?”

“So good.” For the first time all summer, she feels truly “present”, sitting on her bed with her legs crossed, listening to the guitars and drums, feeling her sister rub serenity into her shoulders.

Her thumbs start to circle down below and between her shoulder blades. “Can you get my back, too?”

“Of course.” She expects to either go over her shirt or slide her hands under it, but Hana pulls it up over her head and discards it, revealing her slender frame and pink bra. Despite the fact that she’s stripping before her girlfriend, sex is the last thing from her mind.

“Alright, um, lie down on your stomach,” Sombra says. Hana complies, and she gets started on the soft skin of her back. The knowledge of Jack in the living room seems to melt out of her mind, drowned out by the music and kept away by her sister’s hands…  _ my beautiful sister… she makes me feel so good… her lips and hands are so soft… she— _

“Um, can I just unhook this? It’s just—”

“Mhm,” she says, blissful.

Sombra unhooks Hana’s bra and lets the straps fall on either side of them. Hana reaches up to pull it out from under her and drop it on the floor. Sombra feels herself start to get aroused, seeing her sister, the love of her life, lying topless in front of her. She puts her hands on her bare back, kneading her shoulders and muscles.

She could touch her breasts, she wants to, it would be easy. Glide her hands up, put pressure on her back with her palms, let her fingers hang down and just feel them. She wants to squeeze them, lick them, kiss them… but she can wait.

Hana’s head rests on her pillow, eyes closed, a serene smile on her face. It’s such a gentle, lasting pleasure that she’s never felt before, and she almost feels like she’s floating.

Her jean shorts feel like they’re digging into her waist, not taking her out of the moment but irritating her just enough. Almost automatically, she reaches down and starts pulling them off, exposing her white panties covering her thin butt.

“Um,” Sombra starts.

“Sorry, they were bothering me. You don’t mind, right?”

“No, no. Actually, if you want, I could give you a butt massage too.”

“Should I take off my panties?”

“If you want,” she says.  _ Yes yes yes YES _ , she thinks.

She hooks her fingers into her panties and pulls them down her slim legs. Sombra’s eyes are immediately drawn to her ass. She’s fairly bony and her curve isn’t all that pronounced, but it’s still beautiful and perfect to her. She wraps her hands around the flesh and continues the massage, very aware of how close her thumbs are to her vagina.

A couple minutes in, they’re interrupted by a violent pounding on the door. Without even thinking, Sombra falls out of the bed and hides underneath it, and Hana quickly covers herself.

“Hana!” Jack shouts.

“Oh my god! Go away!”

“You need to turn down that music!”

“If you weren’t yelling so loud, I wouldn’t have to have it up so high!”

“You listen to me! If I tell you to do something, you do it!”

“Make me!”

“Hey! Do  _ not _ talk to me like that!”

“Make me!” she shouts again.

He walks over and turns off the speakers. “It’s your fault we’re in this mess anyway.”

“Get out of my room!” she wails. He does, slamming the door behind him. She hops out of her bed, punching the wall as she walks over to turn the speakers back on, even louder than last time.

Sombra climbs back up as Hana crashes down on the bed in a half-fetal position. She tries not to focus on her sister’s naked body as she tries to comfort her.

“Want me to keep going?”

“In a minute. I just… god, I  _ hate _ him.”

She strokes Hana’s hair as she quietly seethes, staring at the wall away from the window. Once she cools down a little, she does some breathing exercises she picked up from the hospital.

“Alright. Keep going.” She rolls over, laying on her back this time.

For the first time in over a year, Sombra can bask in the beauty of her sister’s naked body in its entirety. Her breasts have grown a bit, but remain wonderfully petite. She cups her hands around them after reapplying lotion, squeezing and lightly tugging. The serenity Hana felt during the more chaste massage doesn’t come back full-force, instead being replaced by excitement and arousal. She feels her crotch start to dampen.

Sombra, too, is starting to get turned on. Every inch of her sister’s body is perfection, from her soft hair to her gorgeous face to her slender shoulders to her petite breasts to her slim abdomen to her beautiful pussy to her soft thighs and slim calves and small feet, and she just gets to touch and love her all over and she loves her so much and oh she’s just so adorable when she’s happy.

She leans down to kiss her, both their lips open to allow their tongues to intertwine. Hana moans into her, falling in love all over again with the way their tongues glide and dance with each other. Excitement tingles over her entire body as her sister explores her mouth and massages her breasts. She has to stop herself from putting one of her hands down there and pleasuring herself right then and there.

“Wait,” Sombra says. “Pause the music real quick.” She wants to confirm what she’d thought she heard in a lull before a bombastic conclusion.

Hana turns on her phone and hits pause. There’s still shouting from downstairs, but it sounds like Angela, not Jack.

“Awesome! Go mom!”

She unpauses the song, and Sombra traces her hands down to Hana’s thighs, squeezing the muscle. As the song flows on, she treads further and further up her thighs, her thumbs eventually finding the edge of her light pubes. She feels Hana shudder when she drags a finger up her slit, stopping just short of her clitoris.

“You should be naked too,” Hana says.

“Yeah, I really should, shouldn’t I.” She grabs the bottom of her shirt and starts to pull it over her head. When she tosses it to the side, she sees Hana staring at the self-inflicted scars marring her stomach and ribs.

“Oh. I can, uh, put it back on, if you want.”

A lot of her wants her to put her shirt back on, hide them away, pretend they don’t exist. But if the roles were flipped and it was Hana who looked like this, Sombra wouldn’t make her hide them. She tries to extend her the same courtesy.

“N-no, you don’t have to.” She reaches out to touch them, doing her best not to hesitate. She runs her finger over one. It just feels like skin, and she immediately feels silly for being weird about it. She traces over another one, this one a little thicker. It feels the same.

“Do they hurt?”

“They itch a little sometimes, but that’s it.” She watches Hana trace across them, her eyes wide and quiet. “You don’t hate them?”

“I don’t.”

“It was supposed to be like a forced chastity thing, where if I ruined my body enough, no one would want to see it.”

“It didn’t work.”

Hana reclines back as Sombra takes her black bra off, holding it in place after she undoes the clasp before slowly sliding it off. Hana gazes at them lustfully and adoringly, pushing herself upwards so she can touch them.

“Can’t stay away, can you?” Sombra teases.

“Nope.” She wraps her lips around one of her nipples, sending tingles of pleasure through her. She entangles her fingers in her little sister’s hair and kisses the top of her hair.

Hana can’t take it anymore. Something’s been building up inside her for the last hour, and she can’t resist it.

“Dammit, I gotta pee,” she says, hopping up.

“You can just go here.”

“What? Ew, that’s weird!”

She shrugs. “Just thought I’d offer.”

Hana peeks out the door and looks around before dashing to the bathroom. She hears more yelling, just Jack this time. She does her best to ignore him.

When she gets back in her room, Sombra’s lying completely naked on the bed in the “draw me like one of your French girls” pose. Both girls not to laugh.

“Come on,” Sombra says. Hana hops down on the bed next to her, and in seconds they’re exploring each other’s mouths. They spend a full song just kissing and holding each other’s naked bodies, letting their souls intertwine. Almost the second the next song starts, Hana feels her sister’s fingers between her thighs. She shifts to allow her entry, and two fingers plunge into her slick entrance.

Hana immediately moans and tenses as Sombra’s curled fingers pass over her g-spot. It’s been so long since she’d felt that, Lena and Amelie hadn’t touched her there and she’d never gotten the hang of finding it while masturbating, and the time since she’d last felt it just makes it even more powerful. She drags her fingers over her g-spot a few times, sending bursts of hot pleasure through her, then pulls out. She licks her sister’s juices off her fingers, confirming that she’s just as sweet as she used to be. “I’ll never get tired of this.” She repositions herself so her knees are on either side of Hana’s waist and kneels over her. She slides three fingers in, curved up to hit her g-spot again. Hana uses one hand to rub her own clit, and the other to reach up and touch Sombra’s.

Sombra leans down to kiss her, and she eagerly lets her tongue into her mouth. Their tongues twist together in a fervor, too excited to touch to stand still. Hana wishes she had a free hand to stroke her sister’s hair with, but she’ll just have to wait because the pressure’s starting to build and her muscles are starting to get that warm feeling and tense up and she knows well enough she’s about to start humping her sister’s hand because all that energy has to go  _ somewhere _ .

Sombra smiles into the kiss as Hana’s hips thrust arrhythmically into the air. She doesn’t want to pull away from the kiss but knows she  _ has _ to watch her cum, see the look of ecstasy on her face when she pushes her over the edge.

Right as she feels Hana’s thighs and abs clenching and unclenching, she pulls away. Without Sombra’s mouth to block it, Hana lets out a string of moans, curses, groans, and whines as her heart starts pounding in her chest. Her eyes close and her mouth opens and she lets out a loud sigh of heaven as orgasmic waves spread from her sister’s hand and through her stomach and thighs.

Sombra lets Hana’s juices coat her fingers, then slides them out and licks them off, savoring the taste. She looks down at Hana, makes eye contact, and smiles a little, melting Hana’s heart.

“Alright, let’s try…” Sombra props Hana up by putting a pillow behind her head. “Don’t move your head for a second.” She puts her left foot on the right side of Hana’s head, keeping her other foot on her left side. Hana helps her slide up, grabbing her ass and easing her pelvis towards her own face. Sombra buries her head between her sister’s thighs, licking up her wet lips. Hana goes straight for the clit, dragging her tongue over it and making tight circles around it. She shudders as Sombra teases up and down her labia, slowly approaching her clitoris. Sombra loves making her wet so she can lap her up, although she realizes that they should both properly hydrate after this round…

Her train of thought is interrupted when Hana sends a wave of pleasure through her, traveling through her thighs, and making her knee spasm into the edge of the headboard, hard.

“Mother  _ fucker _ !” she shouts. Hana flinches at the hard slam of the impact. Sombra crawls off her, lightly knocking Hana’s head with her other knee, and lies down and curses for a couple seconds.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, just a second. Aw, fuck, that fucking  _ hurts _ , jeez. Ugh, alright, I think I’m good. Did I get you on the way down?”

“Little bit. It’s fine.”

“Alright. You got water bottles in here, right?”

She’d stowed a ton of water bottles under her bed early in the summer so she wouldn’t have to leave the room to get a drink. She passes one to Sombra and takes another for herself, finishing most of it in a single sip.

“Alright, intermission over,” Sombra says. “Ready to get back to work?”

“Yes, please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this is basically half a chapter but it was getting really long and I wanted to go to bed and also I'm getting desperate for comments so the next chapter will continue this extended sex scene and probably cover whatever else they get up to before Sombra goes to college


	25. Transformations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was originally intending to start this chapter by finishing up the sex scene from the last one but I wasn't really feeling it and just skipped ahead:/  
> No worries, we've got plenty of time for better, kinkier smut in the future

An hour later, the girls lie naked on Hana’s bed, covered in sweat from the thighs up and theirs and each others juices from the thighs down.

“Enough for the day?”

“Enough for the afternoon, at least,” Hana pants. Even if she wanted to continue, she’d have to wait a couple minutes, she’s gotten to the point where her clitoris is hypersensitive and uncomfortable to touch. That aside, however, she’s on cloud nine. Her brain’s alive with the flood of post-sex chemicals, and she feels almost like she’s floating.

“God, I missed this,” Sombra says.

“I missed everything,” Hana says. “I wish I didn’t have to go to the hospital so we could’ve done this the rest of the summer.”

“There will be plenty more summers, my love.” Sombra has a different regret, but chooses not to voice it.

After a couple minutes, Hana gets up and pauses the music. It reveals only silence.

“Is he gone?” she asks.

“Sounds like it.”

“Oh, thank God, I’m starving.”

“We really should shower first if we’re gonna go downstairs,” Sombra reminds her.

“Ugh, you’re right. Gonna have to wash these sheets, too.”

“We can wait on that. Grab your clothes.”

The girls rush naked into the bathroom, quickly closing the door behind them and turning the shower on.

 

Despite eating a significant portion of any pack of crackers they could find in the house, they’re still ravenous by the time Angela returns home from the drive she went on after Jack left. She’d picked up a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store and Hana and Sombra eat almost all of it.

“Goodness, you two are hungry tonight,” Angela says. “What’ve you been up to?”

“We just haven’t eaten much,” Sombra says. “We don’t know what to do without you around.”

“Well, hopefully you’ll figure it out before you leave for college in a few weeks.”

“I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it.”

“Hana, I’m glad you’re eating again.”

“Me too,” she says, between shoveling in bites of food.

“So, uh,” Sombra starts, trying to figure out how to open what they’re all trying to avoid, “is Jack gonna come back again?”

“I don’t think he will,” Angela sighs. “At least, not for a little while. I think he’s said everything he has to say and he won’t be back anytime soon.”

“Are you gonna divorce him?” Hana asks.

“That’s the hope.”

“Not yet?” Sombra asks.

“I want to finish up with my classes first so I can get a promotion with a pay raise.”

“You could have him pay alimony.”

“I don’t want to be dependant on him. I’ve already spoken with my boss, he says the lack of a degree is the only thing standing in my way of a promotion—”

“That’s kinda dumb,” Hana says.

“Can’t argue that, but it’s the way it is. Fortunately, it won’t take too long, I left college with only a few credits left. Once that’s done, I’ll make sure he gets the divorce papers.”

“There’s, like, no way you wouldn’t get full custody of us, right?” Hana asks.

“Well, I’m the mother, so that’s an immediate advantage,” she says, “and you’ve been exclusively in my care for the past couple months. Also, I don’t think he’d even try to win custody.”

“Can… can I take my real parents’ last name?” Hana asks, a little timid. “I just don’t like walking around as Hana Morrison, and I went by Song when I was at the hospital and I kind of like it.”

_ Hana Song _ , Angela mouths, then nods. “We’ll figure that out. Before you go to college, definitely.”

“If, like, I can, can I take your last name? Between years or semesters, probably, just to make sure it goes through?” Hana starts to feel a little bad for asking for her birth parents’ name instead of her mom’s, especially seeing Angela’s heart swell when Sombra asks, but Angela isn’t offended.

“Sweetie, of course. Once we get this whole divorce mess finished up we’ll work on getting your names changed.”

Hana smiles a little. “Thank you.”

 

A week and a half before she has to leave for school, Sombra wakes up with a plan. She gets dressed while waiting for her sister, and when she gets impatient, softly tries to shake her awake.

She groans. “What?”

“Come on, get dressed, we’re going out.”

“Whyyyy?”

“Just trust me. Come on.”

Hana climbs out of bed and starts looking through her drawers. She’s taken to sleeping in a t-shirt and nothing else, which drives Sombra mad in the best way possible. She wants to squeeze her sister’s bare ass, but abstains because she knows she wouldn’t appreciate it.

“Alright,” she says once she comes back from the bathroom. “Where are we going?”

“Mall. Come on.”

“You woke me up at eight thirty in the goddamn morning to go to the mall? What do we even need at the mall?”

“I was thinking, if you wanna be Hana Song instead of Hana Morrison, you ought to really  _ reinvent _ yourself as Hana Song. You already changed your hair, might as well go for a full wardrobe change. What do you think?”

“Someone suggested that when I was in the hospital,” she says. “Changing the way I present myself before I go back to school. I’m just not sure what to change it to.”

“Figuring it out’s the fun part! I’ll help you.”

She considers it for a second. “Alright. Let’s go.”

“Yay!”

 

“Alright, so do you have any ideas on what look you wanna go for?”

“Not at all.”

“Hm… you could probably rock the typical ‘lesbian style’ if you’re interested.”

“What do you mean?”

“Beanie, flannel, jeans, converse.”

Sombra sees Hana mulling it over in her head. “Alright. Yeah, I’ll try it out.”

“Awesome! Man, you’re gonna be hot.” She leads her over to find the right clothes, and they carry a decent sized pile over to the changing room. Sombra slips in with her.

“You know I’m not gonna be naked, right?” Hana asks, in a half-whisper so she won’t be overheard.

“Well… you could,” she jokes. Hana rolls her eyes. “Nah, it’s just easier this way. You can just try on everything in here and don’t have to leave to show me.”

“Alright.” She kicks off her shoes and pulls down her shorts, switching them out for a pair of jeans.

“I dunno if I like the rips,” she says, looking at the pre-torn knees.

“Then don’t get them. It’s your look, you can make it whatever you like.”

She nods, and switches them out for another pair. “Try with the shirts,” she says.

She starts to get frustrated halfway through her pants pile. “I just don’t like any of them,” she says. “There’s something wrong with all of them.”

“What if…” Sombra starts, then trails off.

“What if what?”

“You could try boy pants.”

Hana frowns, thinking, then nods. “Okay, let’s try that.”

She puts her shorts back on, and they work through the pile of flannel overshirts, finally deciding to buy around half of them.

Sombra leads her to the uniqlo a couple doors away. “Jeans or khakis?” she asks.

“I’m gonna stick with jeans, thanks.”

They find a couple pairs and then a dressing room.

“Wow, I actually really like these,” she says. “They’re baggier, but it just feels like they fit better, and… oh my god.” She plunges her hand into her pocket. “Oh my god. Look at this!” She turns out the pocket, revealing a couple inches of fabric. “Why did I never have these before?”

“Because they want to sell us handbags and purses and think we wouldn’t buy any if we had pockets. So you’re going with these?”

“Definitely.”

After running through the rest of her boy-pants pile, she and Sombra buy most of them and emerge into the mall. “New shoes or nah?”

“Let’s go for it.”

“Do you want some new shirts too?”

“Maybe a couple. I already have a lot… actually, I should go through my drawers and see what I want to keep.”

“Alright, so we’ll do that when we get home and then see if we need to come back… wait. Let me stop in here for a second.”

“Sure.” They walk into a hair product store, and Sombra picks up hair bleach and looks through the dye looking for a good color.

“You want to dye your hair?”

“Yeah, figured I’d give it a try before college.” She stares at the wall of colors, eyes flicking indecisively from shade to shade.

“I like that one,” Hana says, pointing to a lightish shade of purple.

“Ooh!” She grabs it off the shelf. “Yeah, me too.”

They add it to the ever-growing pile of purchases, and make one last stop on the way to get shoes.

“Want to try makeup?” Sombra asks, stopping outside a Sephora.

“I don’t know… anything about makeup, really,” Hana says.

“It’s fun! I’ll teach you, if you want.”

“Alright, I’ll give it a try.”

 

“Uh, we just passed our town,” Hana says.

“Yep. I wanna see something, figured I’d show you too.”

“Where?”

“My new campus.”

With little traffic, it takes eight minutes to drive from town to campus. Hana calculates it would take twenty or thirty minutes to walk that far, which is doable, but would suck if it was cold or rainy.

They pull into a parking lot, and Sombra looks around to orient herself. “There it is.” She leads Hana into a courtyard surrounded by four large L-shaped buildings. “Let’s see.” The buildings are labeled  _ Hanamura _ ,  _ Horizon _ ,  _ Volskaya _ , and  _ Anubis _ . “That one.” They walk towards the building labeled Hanamura, walking down a path lined with pink and white flowers.

“This is where you’re gonna live?”

“This is it,” she says. “Wonder if it’s open.”

“I don’t think we’re allowed—” Sombra turns to her, grinning and nodding, as the door opens.

“I don’t think we should be in here,” Hana says, following her sister in.

“Then the door shouldn’t have been open.” They find themselves in a lounge area, with a foosball table and a wall-mounted TV surrounded by a few couches. There’s two doors leading to “quiet rooms” and a kitchenette with a microwave, cabinets, a sink, and an oven with no stove.

“Not bad,” Sombra says. “Let’s see where my room is.”

Hana follows her, nervous about someone finding them and getting mad.

“Here we are!” she says, finding room 115. The door handle doesn’t budge when she tries to gain entry. “Damn.” Hana’s a little relieved.

“Oh well,” Sombra says. “Guess I’ll just have to show you when you come to visit!”

 

Four days after Sombra leaves for college, it’s time for Hana to start school. Once she’s out of the shower, she throws on a red flannel over one of her old t-shirts, puts on light eye-shadow, blush, and purple lipstick (which she’s had to practice since last night), and makes sure her dark blue beanie is secured on her head. She takes a picture of herself to send to Sombra and rolls her eyes when she receives the sweat drops emoji in return, then slings on the black messenger bag she’s opted for over her old backpack.

It’s time for Hana Song’s public debut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a tumblr now! dleinad256.tumblr.com  
> Haven't used it much yet, still not sure exactly what I'm gonna do with it but I'm definitely gonna post updates and answer questions, so definitely feel free to shoot me a follow or say hi.


	26. New year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. Have some sex scenes.  
> Yes, I'm aware that it's no longer Valentine's Day in most parts of the world. This would've been posted a few hours earlier but I got a chance to spend the evening in a room full of dogs and I wasn't about to pass that up.

A burst of sickly fire flares up in Hana’s chest as she sees Amelie approach her a week into school. It spreads down her stomach and unpleasantly up her throat, making her heart pound to the point of near-dizziness.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” She tries to appear nonchalant. They both step out of the way to make room for the flood of students leaving the school.

“Um…” she tries to figure out how to start, and decide to jump right into it. Her voice lowers to a whisper. “Is it true that you were in a mental hospital over the summer?”

Hana braces herself, she’d been half-certain someone would ask at some point but hoped it wouldn’t happen. She decides that Hana Song wouldn’t be ashamed, and does her best not to be. “Yes, I was. Who told you?”

“I just kinda heard about it.”

She starts to feel a little sick.  _ Are people spreading rumors about me? And it took a week of being in school for anyone to actually verify it? And the only one who cared to is my EX?! _ “Oh.”

“So… what was it like? If you don’t mind.”

“It was fine. A little intense at times but it helped a lot.”

“Helped with what?”

“Remember when I wasn’t in school for most of last June?”

“I thought you were just sick.”

“I was.”

Amelie looks over her shoulder. “Well, my mom’s here. I could ask her to give you a ride, if you want.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Alright, see ya. Let me know if you need to talk.”

She’s suddenly aware that her heart was pounding as she puts her headphones on and the girls go their separate ways. Once she recovers from a minor panic she didn’t realize she was having, she tries to get her thoughts in order. She and Amelie spent the last couple months in school avoiding each other, and she had no problems about keeping it that way once Junior year started. Of course, if she wants to be friends, that probably wouldn’t be the worst thing ever. Thinking of her doesn’t hurt like it used to, like thinking of Lena does, so if she’s interested, they could be friends again.

But… what if she’s trying to win her back? What if she’s just buttering her up before asking her out again, and when she rejects her she’ll just leave again? Or what if she just feels bad for the poor ex-girlfriend who ended up in the hospital and feels like pitying her, or worse yet, she feels guilty for some reason and just wants to ease her conscience.

She decides to talk to Sombra about this. As soon as she gets home, she takes out her phone and fills her in.

_ Sombra: Hm _

_ Sombra: Not really sure what to think here _

_ Sombra: If she starts making you uncomfortable then get out _

_ Sombra: But maybe she is just trying to be nice? _

_ Sombra: She did really care for you _

_ Hana: She also broke up with me _

_ Sombra: Yeah that’s what’s making it so hard to figure out _

_ Sombra: I’d say play along but stay on your toes _

_ Hana: Alright _

_ Hana: I wish I could call you, I miss your voice _

_ Sombra: Yeah it sucks, still stuck in class for another hour though :/ _

_ Sombra: Fucking 3:00 class on a Friday, this blows _

_ Hana: You don’t even start until I get out of school? _

_ Sombra: Every Tuesday and Friday! _

_ Sombra: So I’m in class for less time but some classes don’t even start until like 7:30 _

_ Sombra: Fortunately at worst I get out at 5:30 _

_ Hana: Ew _

_ Sombra: Ew indeed _

She hears the screeching of tires outside, and hops up to her window to investigate.  _ Oh no. No. No. Fuck, no, no, no! _ Her head starts swimming as Jack Morrison slams the car door and marches up to the house.

_ Hana: Dad’s here again _

_ Hana: I’m walking over _

_ Sombra: Alright meet me in the student center _

_ Sombra: I’ll swipe you in to the dining hall at dinner _

_ Sombra: Good luck _

Hana straightens her beanie, takes a few deep breaths, restarts after flinching when she hears him explode into the house, then walks down the stairs as evenly as she can.

In the past she’d sneak out the back door, but she’s Hana Song now. Fearless. She turns right into the living room towards the front door, prepared to walk right between Jack and her mother and stride right out the door. Her heart explodes in a flurry, though, when he reaches his arm out and stops her in her tracks.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Are you drunk?” Her nose wrinkles when she smells the alcohol wafting from his mouth.

“I asked you a question,” he growls.

“I’m going out,” she says, and tries to go around him. He stops her again.

“Just let her go, Jack.”

“Where, ‘out’?”

She sighs, spins on her heel, and stalks towards the back door. Jack calls after her, but she pays no attention. She’s shaking once she’s outside, but feels power coursing through her. She likes being Hana Song. It fits her.

 

Sombra’s face lights up when she walks into the student center and finds her girlfriend sitting at one of the tables. She runs up and they pull each other into a hug.

“I’ve missed you! How’s school, other than the whole Amelie thing?”

“It’s fine. The physics teacher is really nice, but I’m not sure about the new history teacher. How about you?”

“It’s awesome! It’s nice to have 9:30 be an ‘early’ class, but getting out around dinner kinda sucks. So… Jack’s really back already?”

“He blocked me on the way out of the house and started interrogating me on where I was going. Like, asshole, if you walk out on your ‘family’, you surrender any right to know where I’m going.”

“What does he even want?”

“I don’t know! He’d better stop soon, though, because I  _ can’t _ live through the next two years scared of him just showing up unannounced. I don’t even want to  _ think _ about how mom’s feeling now, and it’s not even like she could call the police on him because he still shares ownership of the house!”

“I know it sucks, sweetie, but there’s nothing we can do about it right now.”

“Maybe there is! What if… could we drive back home and, I don’t know, try and fight for our house? Yell at him until he leaves?”

“Hana, you’re terrified of him.”

“No, his daughter was terrified of him. I’m not her anymore.”

“Okay, but even if we can hold our own, he might leave, but what if he comes back, angrier? And you know mom just wants to keep us out of this as best as she can.”

“I can’t just sit here while—”

“We have to, Hana. Anything else might just make it worse.”

 

Once they’re done eating, Hana gladly accepts Sombra’s offer to hide out in her room until the fight’s over. She’s on the first floor, so it’s a quick trek down the hall to her room. Her keys are at the ready once she arrives at the door, but it’s already unlocked. The door opens to reveal a redheaded girl sitting on the bed and scrawling in a notebook on the left side of the room.

“Hey,” Sombra says.

“Hello,” the girl replies. Sombra leads Hana to the bed on the other side of the room, the purple blankets clearly marking it as Sombra’s.

“This is my roommate, Moira. Moira, this is—” she suddenly realizes that Moira doesn’t know them, no one on her floor knows them, hell, no one on the  _ building _ knows them. “—my girlfriend, Hana.”

“A pleasure,” Moira says, extending her hand. Her fingers are long and slender, and her nails are well-manicured and painted yellow and purple.

“You too,” Hana says, reaching out to shake hers. Sombra caught her off-guard with the girlfriend comment, and her heart’s swimming in her chest. She’d been expecting to be introduced as her sister or her friend, “girlfriend” had always been off-limits in public.

The two of them squeeze side by side in the twin bed and Sombra pulls out her laptop, headphones, and a splitter. Hana takes her headphones from around her neck and plugs them in. Sombra finds them a movie to kill time with until Moira packs her notebook into her backpack and heads out the door.

Hana waits until the door’s completely closed before finally broaching the question. “Girlfriend?”

“What?”

“We’ve always been a secret, we have to be!”

“Hana, no one knows us here! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed you’d be comfortable, but oh my god, I want to be able to hold your hand and kiss you in public, I want to sleep in this bed with you, I want to tell the world that we love each other!”

“Sombra, I want that too, but there’s so much that could go wrong here! We’re so close to town! There’s a bunch of people that were in your grade that could be going here! And who’s to say that Fareeha or Orisa or Amelie won’t end up going here in two years?”

She sighs. “You’re right. I should’ve talked this through with you. I just got so excited when I realized that no one in the building knew we were sisters, and we could be… out.”

“I… I want to give it a try. I’m just so nervous now, like, what if someone we know finds out? We can’t come back from that, we’ll always be ‘those freak sisters who banged each other’.”

“Honey,” she kisses her forehead, “that’s what we are.”

“That doesn’t mean I want everyone to know about it!”

“You’re right, you’re right. I got… overeager, and I’m sorry. But… can we give it a try?”

“Okay. But, like, I don’t want to be too… affectionate in public. Not even like as a privacy thing, it’s just—”

“No, I get it. Holding hands is fine, right?”

“Of course.”

“Quick kiss on the cheek?”

“If the situation calls for it.”

“Oh my god, you’re such a dork,” she giggles. “But we’re in private now, so can I do this?” She kisses her on the lips, lingering.

“I’d love it if you did.” They kiss again, Hana’s lips parting to let their tongues meet. She rests a hand on her girlfriend’s hip, which slides up to her lower back, then up to between her shoulder blades to pull each other closer.

“How long’s your roommate gonna be gone?”

“Not sure. Think her class ends a little after six but I don’t know if she’ll come back immediately. There’s a good chance she’ll be gone for a while, she’s kinda nocturnal.”

“What?”

“She stays up really late and spends most of the day sleeping. She didn’t wake up until about an hour before I went to class.”

“Weird. Anyway, you’re saying we’ll be alone for a while?”

“That’s the hope! Shall I lock the door?”

“Please do!”

She hops off and heads to the door, where the lock  _ kachunk _ s into place. Hana takes off her flannel overshirt.

“Oh! Look what I got!” Hana leans over as Sombra ducks down below the bed and pulls out a cardboard box. Her eyes widen when the lid comes off, revealing a glass strap-on attached to a black harness.

“Oh my God,” she says.

“Want me to use it on you?” She nods, staring at it. It’s about six inches long and decently thick, not shaped like a penis but instead ridged to rub against her clit at the right angle.

“I was hoping so,” she smirks, then kisses her neck. “Gotta get you nice and wet, first.”

She puts the strap-on on the bedside table, then climbs on top of her girlfriend, a familiar fuzzy energy spreading from their lips as their mouths form a ballroom for their tongues to dance in. Hana tangles her fingers in Sombra’s hair, combing through it, relearning its new texture now that it’s dyed.

For a while, they’re both content just to make out with each other, share each others tongues, but Hana’s completely ready to move on once Sombra slides her fingers up her shirt, arching her back so she can unclasp her bra. A couple quick motions later, she pulls the bra out from under her shirt and discards it on the floor, then pulls her shirt up and squeezes one of her breasts, lightly pinching and tugging her nipple.

Sombra’s lips leave Hana’s mouth and go to her neck, her hot breath sending chills down her spine. She kisses her way down to her collarbone, skips over her bunched-up shirt, and lands her lips on her other breast, taking it in her mouth. Hana’s thigh tightens for a second when Sombra lays her hand against it, fingers sliding under the leg of her shorts. Her tongue does slow laps over her areola, and with her head so close to her heart she can feel the excited pounding.

She removes herself from her girlfriend to start undressing, first drawing her shirt over her head and casting it to the floor. Then her bra goes, and  _ oh my God it’s only been a week but I forgot how great she looks topless _ , then she hops off the bed to take off her pants and panties with a single motion. She’d been letting her pubic hair grow out for most of the summer, but she’d started trimming herself once a week. Hana likes the look, but she always likes Sombra’s look whether she’s shaven, trimmed, or au naturel.

“You wet enough yet?” Sombra asks. Hana unbuttons her shorts and pulls them off. Sombra dips her fingers into her panties, and as usual, the first touch of her clitoris is electric, sending a shudder up her spine and a light whine from her mouth.

“Hm… not yet.” She removes her finger and automatically puts it in her mouth, then produces a water bottle from under her bed, handing it to Hana.

Once she’s done drinking, she removes her shirt and Sombra pulls off her panties for her. They both cuddle up to each other, entwining their legs and then their tongues. The simple touching of their bare flesh excites them, and as much as Hana loves kissing her, she wants more soon.

After a couple minutes of Sombra playing with her breasts, she plunges a finger into Hana’s now-dripping pussy. “Oh yeah, you’re ready.”

She hops back off the bed and opens the box again. She steps into the harness, pulls it up her legs, and tightens it just enough to keep it in place. “Ready?”

Hana nods. She climbs back on top of her, preparing to fuck her missionary-style for the first time. Her thumb rubs gentle circles around her clit as she drags the tip of the dildo down her slit, finding her drenched entrance. “Ever put anything up there?” she asks.

“Just my fingers.” Her voice carries a similar soft excitement that it had the night she took her virginity, less extreme but still present.

She slowly and carefully inserts the dildo into her, sliding in with relative ease. Hana’s breathing is shaky, not used to this kind of penetration. It feels weird having something this solid inside her, pressing back against her slick walls. Weird, but kinda nice.

Sombra finds the right angle so the ridges on the dildo brush against Hana’s clit, and starts thrusting. It’s a bit awkward at first, she’s not used to this kind of motion, but she quickly gets the hang of it.

“How quiet do we have to be?”

“Well, that wall’s about four inches thick and someone’s bed is on the other side,” she says. “But it’s early evening so I doubt they’ll be in their room. Just don’t scream.”

Hana nods. Her face is flush with excitement, and Sombra makes sure to point out how beautiful it is. She maintains a slow, steady rhythm as she fucks her, kissing her, nuzzling her, playing with her breasts as they amble towards her orgasm.

“Are you liking it?” Sombra asks. Hana nods, feeling a little shy, but Sombra can read her eyes and knows she’s liking it. “Want me to go a little faster?”

“Not yet.” She doesn’t speak much above a whisper.

“Alright.” They kiss again, their tongues trading pure affection between them. Hana’s figured out rolling her hips to hit the right angles for her, sending a few moans out of her mouth.

Someone knocks at the door. Sombra tells her to ignore it, but Hana’s nervousness is written on her face. She kisses the nerves away, and within seconds they hear footsteps walking back down the hall.

“God, you’re so gorgeous, Hana.” She kisses her. Hana’s breathing is starting to get heavier, and a few squeaks and squeals start to escape her. “I wish I could feel myself fucking you.”

“G-go a little f-faster.”

“As you wish.” She kisses her again, increasing the pace. “Maybe I should buy something double ended, when I have the cash.”

“That sounds,” she sucks in a breath, “amazing.”

“You’re really starting to love this, aren’t you?”

She nods, her chest heaving at this point.

“Like it better than anything else we’ve done?”

“It’s just… different. And I like it.”

“That’s good.” They kiss again, tongues eager to touch, and Hana lets out a high moan into her mouth. “You gonna cum soon?”

“Very.”

She teases her clit as Sombra fucks her, controlling her breathing so as not to scream. Her walls tighten around the toy, contracting with every other muscle in her body as she cums. She squeezes her mouth shut, letting out only a low whine as her pelvis, abs, and thighs heat, tighten, cool, and relax. She’s gasping for air by the time it finishes, just as Sombra slides out of her.

“Feel good?”

“So good.” Her voice has that familiar waver in it when she can’t get enough air in. “Want me to get you?”

“Later. Or maybe tomorrow.” She unstraps the harness and brings the dildo into her mouth, licking the juices off.  _ Oh my God, what does she eat to make it taste this good? _ “Now I just wanna relax with you, then maybe get dinner.”

And relax they do. They cuddle up next to each other, their clothes still a pile on the floor, boot up the computer and find another movie while they wait for their post-sex appetites to kick in.

Eventually, they have to get dressed again so they can go eat. “Dining hall again?” Hana asks.

“Only have a certain amount of guest swipes each semester,” she says. “Besides, I think we’ve earned ourselves an actual meal at the food court.”

“Ooh, fancy.”

Interrupting Sombra gushing about getting to be out with her  _ girlfriend _ and Hana warming up to the idea more and more is a phone call from their mom.

“Hello?” Hana answers.

“Hana? Are you with Sombra right now?”

“Of course, she’s right here.”

“Would either of you have a problem with you staying with her for the night?”

Hana relays the question. “No, we’d both love that. I’d need my meds, though.”

“Yes, of course. I can drop them off very soon, just text me where you are.”

“Alright. What’s going on?”

“I’ll explain in the morning. It’ll all be fine, don’t worry. Just enjoy your night.”

“Um… alright. See you soon.”

“What was that about?”

“Not sure, she wouldn’t say.”

Their answer comes just as Angela leaves after dropping off Hana’s antidepressants and a change of clothes.

_ Fareeha: Hey Hana _

_ Fareeha: I know we haven’t talked much lately but I figured I’d give you a heads up _

_ Fareeha: My mom just kicked your dad out (good riddance, no offense) _

_ Fareeha: He’s fuckin’ pissed _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm dleinad256 and my job as the author is to make you HATE me


	27. Dislocated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW sorry for the delay there. I started writing about a third of the next chapter in Healsluts (which if y'all haven't checked out yet DEFINITELY do, there's a lot more porn per chapter in there than in here) then I decided to write this instead.  
> Also ya boygirl here finally got their hands on a Switch so that didn't help matters either.

Jack’s asleep at midnight, so Angela makes her move at one. She sneaks into their room and opens the closet, grabbing her suitcase and a couple changes of clothes, working as quietly as possible so she doesn’t wake him up. She goes to the living room before packing them in, then rushes to the bathroom to get her and Hana’s toothbrushes and Hana’s meds. As quietly as possible she walks past what was her room only a night ago and creeps into Hana’s. She grabs shirts, pants, and underclothes, stuffing them into the suitcase as well. Laptop, phone, and chargers go next. To be safe, she grabs some fruits, granola bars, and peanut butter to take with her, runs through a list in her head to make sure she has everything she’ll need, and grabs her car keys. Hoping she’ll get to call the house “home” again soon, her suitcase gets thrown in the trunk and she speeds off.

Next stop is the bank. She withdraws exactly half the money from the savings and checking accounts she shares with her husband, putting the cash in a separate compartment of her suitcase. She’s vaguely terrified of walking around with this much money on her, but she wouldn’t be able to open an account only in her name at that time of night. Just another thing she’ll have to do tomorrow.

It’s almost two by the time she makes it to the motel she’d looked up earlier that evening. It’s fairly inexpensive, she could stay for well over a month, maybe two before encountering any kind of financial difficulty, but of course, you get what you pay for. It’s clean, at the very least, but the mattress on the bed isn’t especially soft and either she or Hana would have to sleep on a small couch.

And of course, exactly what she has to but doesn’t want to think about. In a few short hours she’ll have to tell Hana that Jack had moved himself back into the house and they have to live in a cheap motel 45 minutes away from school and even further from Sombra until either they got Jack out or figured out somewhere else to live. She so badly hates that she has to do this to her, and dreads telling her.

 

She meets her daughters the next morning after five hours of sleep. She tells them that Jack arrived wanting to start a fight again (telling them nothing of the contents so as not to upset them), then refused to leave once it was over. She also omits how she’d been terrified of waking him up or getting caught, and how she hadn’t gotten sleep until two in the morning.

Hana takes the news of her sudden relocation a lot better than Angela was expecting. The feeling of frustration is visible on her face, but she’d much prefer living in a motel for a while than living with the guy who used to be her father.

“So… divorce?” Sombra asks, not entirely sure how to word everything she wanted to ask into a single question.

“I think I just have to forego waiting to get a promotion and just start moving forward with it,” she sighs. “I’m not too worried. I don’t see any reason why I wouldn’t end up with the custody of the two of you, even if Jack tried he wouldn’t have a chance, and since I have you I  _ think _ I should be able to get the house…” she keeps her doubts to herself. Maybe he’ll get the house. Maybe he’ll get most of the money.  _ I really need to talk to a lawyer _ .

“Maybe he’ll do something illegal and get arrested,” Hana says. “That would make it so much easier.”

“Maybe we could accuse him of something,” Sombra suggests.

“ _ Absolutely _ not.” She’s quick to shoot it down.

“Come on, he ruined your life, why not—”

“He did  _ not _ ruin my life,” she says, surprised by how much she believes it when she says it. “Took me off track, set me back a few years, sure. But he absolutely did not ruin it. And we have no right to ruin his, only he can do that.”

“Alright, sorry.”

“You girls eat breakfast yet?”

“No, dining hall’s not open for another half hour, we were gonna head over then.”

“Don’t bother, I’m taking you out. Only rule, no talking about Jack.”

_ Sounds perfect _ , Hana thinks.

 

Angela wants to show Hana their temporary living arrangements, and Sombra insists on tagging along. She waits for the disappointment on her daughter’s face, but it’s not there. “I’m on couch?” she asks.

“You can have the bed, if you want, I can—”

“No, it’s fine, I’m shorter than you, I’ll fit better.”

“You got food here?” Sombra asks. “Hana and I can run for groceries now if you’re busy.”

“God, could you? That would be such a big help. Here,” she hands them three twenties and keys to the room and her car. “Thank you  _ so _ much.”

“No problem,” she answers. Hana nods as they run back outside.

They hop in the car. “Alright, we’ve gotta be quick. Ask her if she can text you a list anything she wants and think of anything you’ll need.”

“Why?”

“She’ll get suspicious if we take too long.”

“What are we doing?” she asks, hoping she’s not going to run off so they could have sex. She’s not in the mood. She knows better, of course.

“Mom grabbed everything you guys would need from the house, but she left most of our and her stuff in the house with Jack. I want it back. The longer it’s in there, the lower the chance we’ll ever see it again. He  _ should _ be at work now, so now’s our chance.”

Hana nods, jaw set. She’d already been forced out of her home, this is how she’d strike back. Or at least, the  _ first _ thing she’d do.

“So… what do you  _ really _ think about the room. Promise I won’t tell mom if you hate it.” They’re on the highway now, going fast.

“It’s fine… I mean, it  _ sucks _ , but it could be much worse. I’m more glad she got us out of there than anything. I can’t be too broken up about it, I guess, we’re only staying there for a little while anyway.”

It takes over half an hour to get off the highway and a bit longer to get to their house. They drive around the block once, making sure his car’s gone and the lights are off. After they’re convinced that he’s not home, they park in toe driveway and run in.

“We should have plenty of room in the trunk. Run down and get some boxes from the basement, and get whatever you’ll want from down there. I’ll raid the upstairs. Meet me in your room.”

She nods, running downstairs. Her massive pile of games is the first to be salvaged, Nintendo and PlayStation boxes being thrown unsorted into the boxes. A smile pile of books joins them, then she scours the basement for anything else she might want to save, worried that this might be her last chance.

Meanwhile, Sombra barges in to Jack’s room, formerly Angela’s room. She takes her jewelry box, and looks around to make sure there aren’t any other valuables Jack could pawn or sentimental items he could destroy. While finishing her cleanup, an idea she marks as both terrible and appealing strikes her.

Before she’s even aware of what she’s doing, she hops onto the bed and peels the blanket back. She pulls her shorts and panties down around her ankles, kneels on Jack’s bed, and releases a pressure she didn’t realize was building up. She’d never felt so much relief in “relieving” herself before pissing all over her father’s bed. She does her best to angle the spray so it gets everywhere rather than just pooling beneath her knees, and when she’s done she wipes herself on his pillow and pulls her pants back up, and sprints back to her room high on what she’d just done.

After Hana unplugs the PS3 and 4 from the downstairs TV, she goes up to her room to retrieve the Nintendo consoles. Sombra carts her rig and the few possessions she’d wanted to take into Hana’s room and starts putting them into boxes.

“I peed on Jack’s bed,” she confesses as Hana packs away her Switch.

“What?”

“It was awesome, and really stupid but mostly awesome. You wanna do it too?”

“Not really!”

“It feels  _ so _ good. It’s the ultimate ‘fuck you’.”

She  _ does _ kind of have to use the bathroom. “A-alright.” She walks over to his room.  _ Take this, Jack. You may have fucked up mom’s life and kicked us out of the house, but if you think you’re gonna sleep comfortably after all that…  _ she feels a little silly after that, her grand retribution to everything he put them through is just ruining his sheets, but it’s the only thing she can do right now and she’s sure as hell gonna do it.

She pulls the blanket back, getting a good look at Sombra’s handiwork. “Look away,” she says, pulling down her shorts and panties.

“Why? I’ve seen you naked before.”

“Yeah, but…” she crouches down. “What, do you  _ want _ to watch this?”

She shrugs.

“That’s  _ weird _ !” She shakes her head and wills herself to get started, not used to an audience for this. Sombra watches as the tinted fluid pours out of her pussy, hitting the bed with a satisfying patter. Hana’s shiver of relief gives Sombra an odd sense of satisfaction, as if she’s happy to see that she’d rid herself of even a minor discomfort.

“Alright,” she says, using a blanket to wipe herself. “Let’s get out of here.”

 

They stow the boxes of valuables in a locked crate under Sombra’s bed. Her roommate is still asleep when they arrive and when they leave. They finally get to the grocery shopping they’d originally meant to do only half an hour late, and Angela’s too distracted when they get back to realize how long they’d been gone.

After dropping Hana off at her new home and leaving about an hour later, there’s one thing Sombra still has to do before she can relax.

_ Sombra: Hey _

_ Amelie: What’s up? _

_ Sombra: Hana told me that you met up with her the other day _

_ Sombra: And I’m probably being super extra and going over-protective older sister rn but I just want to make sure you’re not going to do anything to hurt her _

_ Amelie: I get where you’re coming from :/ _

_ Amelie: But you don’t have anything to worry about! _

_ Amelie: I feel kinda bad about how I left things because I really like her _

_ Amelie: As a person _

_ Amelie: And I just want us to be friends. _

_ Sombra: Alright _

_ Sombra: Just had to make sure you weren’t either pitying her or trying to get back together with her _

_ Sombra: Because she doesn’t need either of those right now _

_ Amelie: I’m not! _

_ Amelie: I don’t like her that way anymore _

_ Amelie: She doesn’t like me, does she? _

_ Sombra: Nope. _

_ Amelie: Good _

_ Amelie: That’s good _

_ Amelie: Yeah, I just want to be friends with her _

_ Amelie: And I’m glad to see she has someone like you looking after her! _

_ Amelie: Btw you have full permission to kick my ass if i DO do anything bad to her _

_ Amelie: Which I won’t! _

_ Sombra: I’ll hold you to that _

She sighs. At the very least, it seems like Amelie isn’t someone they have to worry about. Of course, as soon as she thinks that, a memory of her last phone call with Lena pops into her head and refuses to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I didn't forget about Lena there. I _think_ I know what I want her plotline to be but I'm aaaalso not sure if that's a direction I want to go in so her reappearance in the story is hereby DELAYED until I figure out what I want to happen
> 
> tumblr is still up and in a state of disuse but if anyone wants to shoot me an ask or recommend some art/cosplay blog then go right ahead at dleinad256.tumblr.com


	28. Exhausted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw a couple ideas for what to do but no idea when you want them to happen

Less than one week after moving into the motel, Hana’s head feels heavy with exhaustion as she forces herself up to get ready to school. The space behind her eyes aches with the desire to rest her head and drift off for a couple more hours, an all-too familiar feeling, but she forces herself up and blasts music through her headphones in an attempt to wake herself.

On the ride to school, her muscles barely seem to want to move. She tries stretching a bit in the seat, but she can barely muster the energy. Angela watches with concern as her daughter takes on zombie-like qualities when she leaves the car with a halfhearted wave.

“Hey, Hana,” Fareeha says, sitting down next to her near the back of the precalc classroom. She gets a groan in return. “Yeah, I feel that. Ever consider coffee?”

“Don’t have the time before school.”

“What time do you wake up? You only live, like, ten minutes away.”

“Only woke up, like, fifteen minutes ago,” she lies.

“Man, you didn’t used to be like this, did you? I mean I guess I don’t usually have morning classes with you, but I don’t really remember you being this much of a not-morning person.”

“Sombra used to wake me up early and make us both coffee.”

“Ah.”

“I really miss her.”

Fareeha shakes her head. “You guys are  _ weirdly _ close. I guess I love my sister and all but I can’t wait to go to college and move out. I just think we’d like each other better if we didn’t have to see each other every day, you know?”

She just shrugs.

“Well I guess you don’t. Maybe it’s cause you’re not actually related or something? I don’t really know, I’m not sure if my sister and I would be friends or hang out at all if we weren’t related—”

“Alright, kids, settle down, let’s get started,” the teacher says, turning the lights off and the projector on. Hana has to admit she’s a little glad that Fareeha has to stop talking, she likes her and all but she’s a bit too much to deal with in the morning. She also wishes he’d kept the lights on, between the darkened room and the clouds blocking the sun a girl could easily be lulled to sleep in here.

 

At the end of the day, Amelie tries to invite Hana to gaming club with her and Jesse, but she claims she’s not feeling well and tells herself that it’s not really a lie, and waits in the overcast September heat for her mom to pick her up. Once the old car pulls up to the side of the school, she walks over an autopilot and crashes down in the passenger seat.

“Are you alright?” Angela asks.

“Yeah. Just haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Are you sure you don’t want the bed? Even for a few nights?”

She shakes her head. Angela waits for elaboration, but she doesn’t get any.

“Can I stay with Sombra tonight?” she asks a few minutes later.

“Ask her.”

A couple minutes later, she realizes her mother’s talking. She nudges the headphones off one of her ears. “Hm?”

“Her roommate doesn’t mind, does she?”

“I don’t think so. Apparently she’s not in the room a lot.”

_ Sombra: YES come over! Student center at about 4:30? _

Hana asks Angela if she can drop her off. She wants to say no, she can’t, she already has to be all over the place and driving to the school might just be spreading herself too thin… but she has to. There’s no other way to get her there, and not having her sister around has been so rough on her. And frankly she’d much rather not have Hana have to hear her on the phone explaining to her boss’s boss why she’s been slipping, have to watch her leave in the afternoon to see a lawyer, have to be in the room next to her while she’s tearing her hair out over her dissertation.

“Can I drop you off early? You can get some homework done there while you’re waiting?”

“Sure.”

_ Thank god. _

 

Homework goes achingly slow, which she blames at not being used to precalc. She’s not sure if she barely notices when Sombra sits down across from her because she’s so focused or spacing out.

“Hey!” Sombra says, snapping her out of whichever state she’s in.

“Hey!” she says, leaning across to kiss her. Their lips meet with a sweet snap of affection.

“What’cha working on?”

“Precalc.”

“Gross. I’ve got some calc to do too, I’ll get us some pizza and we can get some work done?”

“Sounds good.” She wants to hate the idea, what would  _ actually _ sound good is tossing her homework in the trash and going up to Sombra’s room and taking a nap in each other’s arms, but she does have to get some work done.

After about half an hour, someone shouts Sombra’s name and practically charges up to the table. Sombra grins as she sees an intimidatingly muscular man barreling down on them, skidding to a stop right before the table. He extends his hand and Sombra shakes it vigorously, maintaining goofily determined eye contact.

Another girl strides up after him, seemingly having drunk much less red bull than her friend that’s still manhandling Sombra’s arm.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hi,” Hana answers, slightly on edge.

“You done?” she asks her friend.

“Nope!” he and Sombra both answer.

The girl sighs. “I’m Brigitte,” she introduces herself.

“Hana. What exactly…”

“I have no idea. He’s always like this.”

“Sounds exhausting.”

She just shrugs. Hana notices she’s very pretty, not in the same way as Sombra but she’s got attractive green eyes and gorgeous red hair.

The violent handshake finally ends. “Who’s the girl?” he asks.

“That’s Hana, my girlfriend.”

“Ah, Hana! Nice to finally meet you. Reinhardt, at your service.” He gives an exaggerated bow, his blonde locks falling over his face as he leans his hulking body forwards.

“At… at my service?”

“He thinks it’s the thirteen-hundreds,” Brigitte explains.

“Some people claim they were born in the wrong generation, but they can’t possibly compete with him,” Sombra says.

“I see.”

“Well, it was nice meeting you, but we must be off.”

“Of course we must,” Brigitte says, almost rolling her eyes.

“Hope we’ll see you later!” he says, almost running off. Brigitte makes an exasperated and sympathetic expression and follows after him.

“Bye Rein!” Sombra shouts.

“Is he alright?” Hana asks.

“He’s the best. I met him when he was running around trying to arm wrestle anyone who made eye contact. I’m surprised he didn’t challenge you, to be honest.”

“And Brigitte?”

“They’ve been friends since elementary school, apparently. It sometimes doesn’t look like it but she really loves him. Just not right after classes.”

“So… I assume we’re gonna end up seeing them again?”

“Oh, so many times.”

 

It turns out her prediction is right. Once Hana’s sure she could get at least a B and Sombra’s half-sure she won’t fail on their respective assignments, they finally get to relax together in Sombra’s room. Hana starts drifting off with her head nestled next to her girlfriend’s, fatigue finally promising to lift. Warmth flows between them, the heat helping melt the emotional exhaustion she’d felt all week and lulling her into her subconscious. 

She feels Sombra’s phone vibrate, and gets nudged out of position when she goes to check it.

“Ooh, Rein and Brigitte wanna get ice cream with us. Come on.”

She doesn’t want to. She was so comfortable, so  _ happy _ just to lie down with her, she doesn’t want it to end until next morning or later. She knows it’s selfish, but dammit, she’s had  _ such _ a long week, and this is the first time she’s getting to see her—

“Alright, sounds good,” she hears herself saying. She’s not happy getting out of the bed, but she tries to convince herself to be.  _ I like ice cream, _ she reminds herself. She’ll be tired, sure, but fine.

“Hey Moira, wanna come with us?” Sombra offers.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“Your loss.” The door closes behind them.

“So… how’s the motel treating you?”

“It’s… it’s alright. I’d much rather be home, but I’m managing. But it’s getting kinda rough on mom, I can tell.”

“I wish she’d never married Jack,” Sombra grumbles.

“I bet she wishes it too.” They exit the stairwell, and the late September heat envelops them like a blanket. Hana frowns. “Do you think… if mom had married someone else, someone better… would we have ever met? What if only one of us got adopted, o-or neither of us, and we’d gone to different families.”

“I—”

“Or even if we did meet, would we still have fallen in love? What if… if—”

“Hana,” she shuts her up with a kiss. “Of course we would have. We always would have. It’s… it’s one of those things that was always going to happen.” They kiss again, longer, expelling dark thoughts from both their minds.


	29. depths (that last chapter was a little lame tbh hopefully this one's better)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally wrote a thousand words on a single episode of insomnia what am I doing with my life

Hana blinks awake when it’s still dark out, the weak tug of slumber pulling on her mind and slowing her thoughts, but not enough to drag her back into the the warm recesses of sleep. Sombra’s warm body rests beside her, unaware of her girlfriend’s awakening. The soft glow of the dreaded alarm clock tells her it’s just past two, and a glance at Moira’s bed reveals she’s still absent.

Her head finds its indent in the pillow, her forehead centimeters away from Sombra’s and their chins a couple inches further. Eyes closed, she tries to match her even breathing and let her tired brain slip back into sleep. She breathes in. She breathes out. With her hand pressed over her shirt against her stomach, she can feel the strong beat of her heart, and sounds in her head. One-two… three-four… nine-ten… tw’seven-tw’eight… for’nine-fifty…

Exhaustion oppresses her, injecting itself into her muscles and restraining her. She’s on her arm in a way that threatens to put it to sleep before the rest of her, and she lets it be for a few minutes before mustering the energy to put it somewhere else. Her eyes open almost against her will to show her girlfriend’s sleeping face, floating peacefully in her ocean of unconsciousness. She regards her enviously before allowing her eyelids to close themselves.

Despite many of its residents being sleeping or absent, the building’s as awake as ever. She hears the AC unit dutifully cool the room, the whirs and rumbles of an occasional elevator trip, the midnight frisbee game from the courtyard, footfalls and laughter from the hallways. Fifteen minutes after her awakening, the roommates in the neighboring room start to fight. Not loud enough to wake her bedmate but enough to make sure Hana wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon.

She reaches down and grabs her headphones, keeping them tethered to her phone. The cups over her ears don’t stop the noise from getting in, her mother refuses to get her noise cancelling headphones for fear that she’d never get her attention again, but seconds later it’s drowned out by a blissful guitar melody.

It’s not the music keeping her up, she’s fallen asleep with louder and more energetic on. She shifts from her back onto her side, but that just makes the cup dig into the side of her face. She settles for resting on her back, knowing she can’t sleep in that position but deciding it’s better than the alternatives.

Usually she tries masturbating when it’s late and she can’t get to sleep, and usually it helps. She calls up the image of Sombra fucking her in this very bed, trying to excite herself. Her fingers slide under her panties, over her soft pubes, and find the sweet spot between her thighs. She runs her fingers up and down her slit, trying to give herself to the music and stay in the memories of her sister. Sombra fucking her with the strap-on. The massage she’d given her after they’d gotten back together. Sleeping naked with each other. Showering together…  _ oh, we could do that here, couldn’t we? _ The memories and fantasies blend into each other, not letting her focus long enough on one or another.

Her hand slides out of her panties, still mostly dry. She’s not in the mood, and now she’s more awake than before. Lifting the headphones of one of her ears reveals that the fight in the other room is over, but she’s right in the middle of such a good song, she’ll try to go to sleep again once it’s over.

Nope, the next one’s good too. The next one, for sure… and nope, she loves that one too. She put a couple of just okay songs on her playlist for this very reason, why aren’t they playing.

There’s one. It’s closer to three when she tries to go to sleep again, the physical need for slumber consuming her body despite her mind insolently refusing to give in. She rests on her side again, facing away from her girlfriend this time and nuzzling into her. She gently takes one of Sombra’s arms and drapes it over her before closing her eyes again.

She feels her heartbeat again, and counts the beats as she breathes. Each inhale for four beats, each exhale for another. She counts to a hundred fifty two before realizing that no, this isn’t helping either. For a moment she’s struck by the thought that she wants to melt into Sombra, become one and sleep within the same body.

_ What the fuck _ , she thinks once the thought vanishes. She starts counting her heartbeats again.

_ Fuck this _ . With sleep refusing to take her, she decides it’s time to stop bothering. The headphones go back over her ears and she pulls up the YouTube app, scrolling mindlessly through her homepage to find something mindless. She’s half-startled by the door opening five minutes into the first video.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were here,” Moira murmurs. “Or awake.”

“It’s fine,” she whispers. “Just couldn’t sleep.”

“Doesn’t surprise me, these beds weren’t built for two.” She opens her desk drawer and pockets something from it, starts to close it, then reconsiders. She takes out a plastic bag as well. “Want one of these?”

“What is it?” She pauses the video and brushes the headphones down so they fall around her neck.

“Sleeping pills.” She takes a couple steps and offers the bag.

They’re so tempting. She feels her arm twitch toward it, but doesn’t reach out to grab it. “I’m not sure if I can take them, I’m on antidepressants.”

“Oh, yes, possibly not. Well, they’re here if you change your mind.” She tosses them on her desk before heading to the door. “Good luck.” The door locks behind her.

She does her best to forget about them as she returns to the video. She can barely keep her eyes open by the time the second video on the playlist starts, and she’s finally given the satisfaction of sleep at 3:30 in the morning. Next time she opens her eyes, it’s light out and the playlist is halfway over. Moira had returned at some point during the night, sleeping facing the wall on the opposite bed. She’s still tired, but at least it’s morning.

Now just to wait for Sombra to get up.

 

Angela wasn’t lucky enough to get the luxury of sleep that night, getting home from work at two only to open up her computer to do research her dissertation. She wants to stop, but the only thing better than sleep is the the title “Doctor Ziegler” and the promise of enough money to support her daughters that comes with it. She finally crashes around eight, half an hour after Hana wakes up, and sleeps soundly for four hours before being woken up by her alarm at noon.

She prays neither of her daughters will be swept up by a seemingly charming man or woman in their college years seeking only to steal their lives away from them.

 

“Oh my God, it’s so nice out,” Sombra says when they finally leave the building in the middle of the afternoon. They’d hooked up one of the consoles they’d taken from the house to the lounge TV and played Mario Kart for a couple hours, and Hana wishes they were still in there. It’s hot and muggy and she’s starting to get a headache (that can only be made worse with how inexplicably  _ loud _ Reinhardt talks), not to mention the solid six and a half hours of interrupted sleep she managed that can’t be helping. She wishes she and Sombra could just go back to her room and sleep for hours.

Instead, they’re holding hands and walking through a park. Hana wishes she could enjoy the day like Sombra does, but she just squints at the ground because everything’s far too bright. She used to love days like these when she was younger, but now it seems that Sombra’s the only one who still remembers how.

It sucks, it just sucks. She can’t sleep at night so she can’t enjoy the day, so she’s still moody even when she gets to be around her girlfriend and that just makes her miss her more when she doesn’t get to be with her.

_ Fuckin’ Jack, _ she thinks. This is all his fault, somehow. Every part of it, and she hates him for it.

She’s on autopilot for the rest of the afternoon, and she knows Sombra can tell. She does her best to be herself, but keeps getting pulled back into barely-her. She doesn’t “wake up” fully until the early evening, when a couple cups of coffee and Reinhardt’s roaring are finally enough to rouse her awake.

“Hey Rein, wanna show them the springs?” Brigitte asks once they’re finishing up dinner.

“Excellent idea!”

“Springs?” Sombra asks.

“My cousin graduated here last year, he showed us these natural hot springs that’re like a twenty minute walk from campus. Apparently not too many people know about them, so they’re usually empty.”

“Let’s fuckin’ go!” Sombra says. “Oh, uh, you wanna go?” she asks Hana.

Not really. “Yeah, sure, sounds fun.”

“Let’s fuckin’ go!” she repeats.

 

It’s cooled down a little and the sun’s fully set by the time they arrive. At first, Hana didn’t believe that something like this could be this close to a decently-sized university and not constantly be inhabited by students, but she understands when she sees it. It’s far off the beaten path and almost perfectly hidden from view, she doesn’t see it until Reinhardt booms “and here we are!”

It’s beautiful, clear water even in the darkness, the basin a couple yards across and about four and a half feet deep near the edges, dipping down to almost eight near the center. The rock around it has been smoothed down to the point of almost looking like concrete, and it’s smooth to touch. A couple of lanterns are bolted to the ground around the pool, casting a soft glow over the area.

Reinhardt kicks off his sandals and immediately sits down to dip his feet in the hot water. The girls follow suit, leaving their socks inside their shoes a couple feet away from the pool.

Hana expected the water to feel like a hot bath, but it’s so much better. It soothes her feet and the bottom of her calves, wrapping them in one of the warmest hugs of her life. Sombra sits right next to her, so they’re facing Brigitte and Reinhardt instead of spreading themselves out.

“Hey,” Sombra says. Everyone looks at her. “D’you…” she falters. “Do you mind if I get naked? I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable but it would just feel really good to get in deeper.”

Brigitte shrugs. “Go for it.”

Sombra grins. “Hana, I assume you don’t mind. Rein?”

“As long as you don’t mind if I do!”

“Hell yeah, man, go for it.” Sombra gets back up so she can start undressing.

Brigitte rolls her eyes. “Not like I haven’t seen it before.”

“Hana?” he asks. She’s a little surprised, she figured he’d have just gone for it.

“Um… sure, go ahead.” She stares at the middle of the dark water as the two of them start stripping. The silhouettes of their reflections are barely visible in the moonlight. They drop their pants, shirts, and underclothes next to their respective shoes as they shed them. Brigitte’s eyes dark back and forth between them and the water before they slide back in. Sombra practically moans as the water cocoons her body, relaxing every tense muscle and shooting warmth up her spine.

“Brigitte?” Reinhardt asks. “Will you be joining us?”

She looks at him and offers a small shake of her head.

“You’re missing out,” Sombra says, her eyes closed in ecstasy. She’s sitting so her breasts float just above the water’s surface and her head’s leaning against the smooth wall behind her, the tips of her hair grazing the water’s surface. “You too, Hana.”

“I’m good.”

“Maybe another time,” Brigitte says.

Rein widens his eyes in understanding. “Oh! They’re not going to mind, you can show them.”

“Show us what?” Sombra asks. “You got a tattoo or something?”

She shakes her head. “I’ll… I’ll tell you later.”

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” he says, leaning back in a similar pose to Sombra’s.

“Alright, fine,” she says. “Just… don’t freak out, okay?”

Hana scrunches up her eyebrows. What could freak her out? She watches as the tall girl gets out of the pool and faces away from them to undress. She lifts her shirt gracefully over her head and drops it to her side, then takes off her bra. Nothing on her back. She’s not wearing panties, so her bare butt is exposed to them when she drops her shorts.

She’s got a very nice butt, Hana decides, but nothing worth freaking out about. Her eyes widen, though, as Brigitte turns around to reveal a seven inch erection between her legs.

“Oh, woah!” Sombra says. “That’s cool!”

“Really?”

“Yeah!”

“A powerful tool for a powerful young lady!” Reinhardt exclaims. She rolls her eyes.

Hana hopes she doesn’t noticing her staring. She’s never had any disdain for penises, just a general apathy and slight distaste… but it looks good on her. Even without her preferred parts, Hana’s still sexually attracted to her. She supposes it could be her curves, she still has the body of a woman, and penis or not, she’s still Hana’s preferred gender…

Her fascination is cut short when she slides back into the water. She reminds herself that she’ll have plenty of time to explore this new facet of her sexuality later on with her computer.

“Oh, guess I broke the ‘no freaking out’ rule,” Sombra says. “Sorry.”

“Of all the freak outs I’ve seen, that was probably the least bad. Definitely wasn’t expecting such a positive reception.”

“Yeah, I got a little overexcited there. I just haven’t seen a girl’s dick in person before, it was a big moment for me.”

She smiles. “Well, glad I could be your first, I guess.”

“See,” Rein grins, “nothing to worry about.”

“Everything alright, Hana?” Brigitte asks.

She feels like she was jolted awake from a half-daydream. “Yeah, yeah. Just tired, sorry.”

“I think Hana didn’t expect to like it as much as she did,” Sombra giggles. Hana flushes. “Oh! I’m right!”

“Embrace it,” Rein says. “It’s a lot better when you don’t get hung up on the penis and embrace the fact that the  _ person _ is gorgeous.” Brigitte blushes a little.

“Besides, she’s hotter  _ with _ the d—”

“ _ Any _ way,” Hana cuts her off. “Who runs this place? It’s gotta be maintained by someone.”

“No idea,” Brigitte says. “We’ve never seen anyone around.”

“Should we be heading back soon? It must be getting kind of late.”

“Might as well,” Reinhardt says. “Have some beers in my room, if anyone’s interested.”

“Sounds good,” Brigitte answers, starting to get out of the water. Hana tries not to stare, her eyes half-curious and half-lustful.

“I think we’ll—” Hana tries to reject the invitation.

“Hell yeah!” Sombra says. Hana’s head snaps to her as she pulls her naked body out of the water, seemingly without a care in the world, unable to get the memory of seeing her older sister on a hospital bed hooked up to an IV out of her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to get the next chapter out before the event starts but if I don't manage that then I'll see you in May I guess have a good Uprising


	30. Remission Roulette, part one: prelude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ):

While Rein and Brigitte stride ahead, Sombra notices Hana lagging behind, and slows to catch her. “Hey, you weren’t weirded out with me staring at Brigitte, were you?”

She shakes her head. Her socks squelch uncomfortably in her shoes. “No it’s not that. I mean, she’s a knockout, I was staring too. I get it. It’s just… you’re not gonna drink, are you?”

“Well, yeah.”

“But… you…” the memory of rushing to the hospital on that February night blocks the words from leaving her mouth. “Don’t you remember last winter?”

“That was a year ago, I’m fine.”

“It was eight months ago and you were in the hospital and you could’ve died.” She’s speaking in hisses, not wanting the other two to overhear.

“Hana, I drank then because it hurt when I didn’t. It was the only thing that stopped me… the only thing that could deal with the guilt. It’s different now. I don’t need to drink so I don’t hate myself anymore. I just like it.”

“You don’t need to drink?” Sticks crack under their feet.

“Then don’t.” She crosses her arms.

“Don’t?”

“Yeah, just don’t. I don’t want you to.”

“What, now you’re telling me what to do?”

She almost rolls her eyes. “Fine. Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m doing. We’re not drinking.”

“ _ You _ can drink or not drink whatever you want.  _ I’m _ having a drink with my friends.”

“Fine.” She pulls out her phone and starts dialing.

“Who are you calling?”

“Mom.”

“What the fuck? Are you gonna tattle on me or something?” They can see the lights of campus just a few blocks away.

“Of course not! I’m asking her to meet me at the student center to take me home.”

“Are you trying to manipulate me?”

“No! Go, drink, have your fucking fun, I just don’t want to be around for it.”

“Are you fucking… fine. Fine! Guys!” she calls ahead to Rein and Brigitte.

“Yeah?”

“Hana and I actually need to back to my dorm for the night.”

“Aww.”

“Yeah, I’ll meet up with you soon though.” She turns to Hana. “Happy?”

“Exuberant.”

 

“Alright, Hana, what the hell?” Sombra kicks her shoes off and peels off her wet socks, throwing them in the general direction of her laundry bag.

“What do you mean, what the hell?”

“What’s your deal? Why the hell can’t I go drinking with my friends?”

“I  _ told _ you why! Last time you drank you passed out, smashed a bottle of scotch on the floor  _ right next to your head _ , and went to the hospital!” Hana peels off her similarly wet socks and tosses them on top of Sombra’s.

“That wasn’t the last time I drank.”

“It wasn’t?!”

Sombra peels off her wet shirt and throws it with the rest of the laundry. “Course not. I’ve gotten drunk plenty of times since school started.”

“Oh my God,  _ why _ ? If something sends you to the  _ hospital _ , isn’t that a good sign to stop doing it?!”

“It’s not like that anymore, Hana! I’m not getting wasted alone in my room anymore, I just have a beer or two with some friends!” She strides over to her drawer and grabs an oversized pajama shirt. “Seriously, don’t you trust me?”

“It’s not about trust!” Before she can continue, there’s a pounding at the door, and someone shouts through it.

“Hey, can you keep it down? I’m trying to study.”

“Bite me!” Hana shouts back.

“Alright, thanks.” He gives one last pound at the door before walking off.

“It’s not about trust?” She pulls the shirt over her head. “What is it then?” She reaches behind her and undoes her bra so she can pull it out under her shirt.

“It scares me, Sombra! If I see you with a bottle in your hand, all I’ll be able to think about is you in a hospital bed!”

“You want to talk about scaring people? You think I still don’t have  _ nightmares _ about finding you sobbing on the bathroom floor with an empty bottle of pills next to you?”

“Alright, if it bothers you, I won’t take painkillers again.”

“That’s not what I meant. If you have a headache or whatever you can take as many damn painkillers as you want.”

“Are you for real?” she asks, her voice flying into higher registers out of incredulity.

Sombra groans. “That’s not what I meant.” She brings a fist up to her forehead. “That’s not…” her fingers open, dragging themselves through her wet hair, “what I meant. I’m just saying, I know I can  _ trust _ you to take care of yourself, and—”

“I told you, it’s not about not trusting you! I don’t want you drinking because it  _ scares _ me!”

“But you don’t have anything to be scared of! I can control myself, I’m an adult!”

“You’re eighteen!”

“And that makes me an adult!”

“It doesn’t make you  _ invincible _ , and that’s not the point anyway!”

“No, the point is that you don’t trust me.”

“I told you, it’s not about trust!” she almost wails. “Aren’t you listening to me?! I trust you, okay? But all the trust in the world doesn’t matter when I just keep picturing you passed out on the floor or half-conscious in the hospital!” Her face is red and her eyes sting with tears she tries not to let fall.

“I’m listening, okay? I hear you. I just don’t think it’s fair that I’m not allowed to have fun just because of  _ your _ fears.”

“And  _ I _ don’t think it’s fair that I suffered for half a year because you fucked your ex!”

Sombra feels the blood drain from her face. Hana takes a step back, almost trying to disappear into the dresser behind her, in shock that she’d just used the nuclear option.

“How long have you been sitting on that?” she asks, her voice foreshadowing the tears that are about to flow.

“I wasn’t… I didn’t mean to… it just came out.”

“You either forgave me for that or you haven’t.” The misery on her voice is contagious.

“I did, Sombra, I did, I promise.” She’s fully crying now, not trying to hide it anymore. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up. I didn’t want to.” Before she knows it, they’ve run into each others arms, squeezing each other like they’re about to be torn apart forever.

“Okay,” Hana sniffs. “Let me start over.”

“Okay.” Sombra rubs her hand up and down her back.

“I know I can trust you. I’m sure if you say you’re fine, you’re fine. It’s just really really scary to me, and I don’t think I can be in a room with you and see you drink, it’s just gonna bring up those memories.”

“Okay,” she says, finally letting the words sink in. “I’m sorry for fighting you so hard on it… I guess I’m still growing out of being so stubborn.”

“It’s cute sometimes.”

“But not with you, never with you. I won’t even mention drinking around you until you’re more comfortable with it.”

“Thank you.” She takes her head of Sombra’s shoulder and kisses her.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“So… make up sex?”

Hana giggles. “Maybe later.” She hops on the bed. “Let’s just find something dumb to watch for now.”

“Sounds perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, this was a bit heavy and the next thing I've got planned is also pretty heavy, so I'm thinking the next chapter is pointless fucking to lighten the mood before the storm. Sound good? Good.


	31. Pointless fucking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what the chapter title said

Three 22-minute episodes later, Hana tilts her head up to kiss Sombra on the cheek. Then slightly further down her cheek, then her jaw, then the soft spot where her jaw meets her neck. Sombra smiles at the tingles and kisses her forehead.

“You’re ready?”

“Mm-hmm,” Hana moans in response, her lips reaching her girlfriend’s collarbone. She grabs the bottom of Sombra’s shirt and pulls it upwards, happy to see that her bare nipples are already hard.

“Door,” Sombra reminds her, and Hana quickly hops up to lock it. Sombra finishes pulling of her shirt and drops it to the floor. As soon as Hana’s within arm’s length, she grabs her by the shirt and pulls her in, locking their lips. She helps herself to her breasts under her shirt, squeezing them and feeling the weight in her hands, pinching and tugging at her nipples and basking in the moans she elicits.

Hana, meanwhile, runs her hands all over Sombra’s bare torso, not just over her breasts but also her shoulders, sides, stomach, fingers dragging along the old scars she’d left over herself. She’s so soft, so smooth, she could spend hours doing this…

Or she could follow Sombra’s lead and move on. Her hands leave her breasts and travel down to her pants, unbuttoning them and pulling them down her pale legs. She pulls them both into a lying position as Hana finishes the job, her pants dropping to the floor next to Sombra’s shirt. They end up with one arm underneath the other in a third of an embrace, fitting seamlessly against each other.

“Let me take care of you,” Sombra whispers, her hot breath sending shivers down Hana’s neck. With one hand she clumsily pulls down Hana’s panties, forcing them down to a point where she can easily kick them off.

After a brief brush with her jungle of soft pubes, her fingers plunge down between her thighs, her hand cupping around her vulva. The base of her palm applies light friction to her clit, sending tiny shivers of warmth through her, while her middle finger teases around her dampening entrance.

Her thumb and pinky drag up the sides of her pussy, between her lips and thighs, while her middle finger glides directly up her slit and finds her clitoris. Hana moans into the crook of her neck, sending hot euphoria where her breath makes contact. For a minute she’s content to just lie there quietly, one rubbing her girlfriend’s back and the other pleasuring her, her cheek against the top of her head (in turn resting against her neck and chest), feeling the moans vibrate through her torso and her thighs tighten and relax when she hits the right spot.

“Hey,” she almost whispers. “Know what I wanna do?”

“Mmm… what?”

“Once we get to move back home,” she says, murmuring the words directly into her ear, “in our own bed, the one we first fucked in,” her index finger rubs over her clit, her index and middle fingers massaging the sensitive area around it. “As soon as we have a night alone,” Hana’s twitching at her touch, breathing quick and gasping. “I’m gonna lay you down…” she kisses her, feeling her pleasure at the touch. “Strip you naked,” she grabs the hem of Hana’s pink shirt and slowly pulls it over her breasts. “I’m getting a new toy soon, did I tell you?” Before elaborating, she shifts herself so they’re face-to-chest, and wraps her lips around her left breast. Her tongue twirls around her hard nipple and areola, drawing a lovely string of excited gasps and squeals.

She pulls apart, and Hana immediately snuggles back against her, almost purring when her pussy’s stroked. Her head resettles into the crook of her neck with a happy sigh escaping her lips. “What toy?”

“Hitachi wand. And you know what I’m gonna do with it?” She picks up the pace slightly, fingers gliding over her clit.

“Masturbate?” She feels so peaceful, an endless spring of pleasure trickling from her girlfriend’s fingers, the girl she loves so close against her.

“Well, yes. But more importantly…” she’s dripping wet, and Sombra makes sure to coat her fingers in her sweet juices. “I’m gonna get on top of you,” she’s practically quivering, both from Sombra’s fingers and anticipation. “put the vibrator right between us, so we can both feel it,” she kisses the top of her head, wishing she could pull her even closer. “Lie there with you, kissing you, moaning with you as it pleasures us,” Hana’s at the point where she’s mostly quiet, making Sombra smile at an unexpected _ah-ah-ahh_ when she finds just the right rhythm. “Then you’ll cum.” She kisses her head again. “Then I’ll cum.” She angles herself so she can kiss her forehead. “And I’ll keep going,” she kisses her cheek. Hana gazes with widened eyes into hers. “Until neither of us can take it anymore.” Their mouths lock together, desperately trying to become one and reveling in the effort.

“You’re so beautiful when you’re about to cum,” she says. Her face is flushed, sweaty, pure. “You’re so perfect.” Hana presses herself closer against her, unable to control the twitching of all the muscles around her sex.

Sombra leans in so her mouth’s right against her ear. “Cum for me,” she breathes. As if she’d been waiting for the command, she lets loose a final cry as currents roll from her stomach and thighs to her pussy, her thighs trembling with ecstasy as her eyes roll halfway past her fluttering eyelids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was nice, wasn't it? Almost makes you forget that they've been kicked out of their own home... and all the stuff with their mom... and that the last chapter was literally called "remission roulette part one"... ~~and that I'm at the helm of this story with no map and no plan~~... and there's all that stuff with Lena...
> 
> really I should've just called this chapter "unhealthy coping mechanisms". Ah well. Next chapter coming eventually


	32. Remission Roulette, part two: slipping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals over, hopefully getting a semi-consistent update schedule yet
> 
> Also have a SomVa one-shot up called "Night Before a Frozen Day" in case the last 50k words weren't enough for you.

Hana wakes up sad, lonely, and sticky on an early-October Tuesday. Once again, she hadn’t been able to sleep the night before, so she’d tried jilling herself off to burn any energy, but she couldn’t make herself cum. She’d made an absolute mess of her panties, but after over three-quarters of an hour of fingering herself she’d passed out in front of her phone.

She tries not to groan as she gets up and walks to the shower. There’s days-old dark circles under her eyes that she doesn’t imagine will go away anytime soon, and her long hair’s knotted after days of unkemptness. Her eyes are dimmer and her lips are chapped and pale. When she takes her shirt off, she can see the outline of her ribs, which distracts her from the slowly deepening concavity of her stomach.

She peels her panties off her thighs and wraps them in her pajama pants so her mom doesn’t notice them when she does laundry, them steps into the shower. Immediately after filling her washcloth with body wash, she rubs it over her inner thigh, scrubbing off last night’s failure and disappointment, makes a quick pass over and through her vulva, then finishes the job on her other thigh. She can barely bring herself to make the effort of cleaning the rest of her, but she forces herself to finish.

After half an hour of standing half asleep under the lackluster stream of hot water, Angela knocks on the door. “Hana? We need to go soon.”

“Kay.” She shuts the water off and quickly wraps herself in a towel. The curtain traps in the heat and she doesn’t want to leave, it’ll be cold as soon as she opens it. For a second she’s overcome with a desire to lay down on the floor of the shower and use the towel as a blanket.

She doesn’t, however, and gets dressed after drying off. She hasn’t been this tired since the end of last year, and tries to sleep on the car ride to school. Just as she starts drifting off, they arrive.

As she walks in, she runs through her schedule in her head to steel herself for what’s to come. First up is history. That’s fine, all she has to do is copy down what’s on the slides. She can take notes for an hour, that’s easy. After that is physics, which should be fine as long as they’re not doing a lab. She doesn’t think they’re doing a lab.

It’s hard to stop herself from completely dropping her backpack on the floor and instead gently lower it under her desk. After that is precalc… with Fareeha. Can she deal with Fareeha today? Probably, if need be she can just listen to her talk for the entire hour. For lunch she can go outside and maybe get a cheap slice of pizza if she’s hungry enough, and find somewhere to eat it alone.

A girl whose name she barely knows sits next to her, as usual. She’s pretty, with short blonde hair and dark eyes accentuated with near-flawless makeup. If Hana looked a bit closer, she’d see a familiar exhaustion the girl’s trying to hide.

After lunch is graphic design. That’s easy, headphones go in computer, spend half an hour on the assignment, spend half an hour either doing homework or with your head resting in your arms on the desk. Next up is gym. Gym sucks. Gym always sucks. They’ll be inside, though, so she can hopefully just show up for attendance and sneak off somewhere else.

The bell rings and the slides go up. Their teacher has a nice enough voice, fortunately, the kind that doesn’t either annoy you or lull you to sleep while rambling about prohibition.

Last up is AP Lang. With Amelie. Maybe she’ll eat enough at lunch to make herself sick during gym, and either lie down in the nurse’s office or go home early… no, because if she throws up then she’ll  _ have _ to go home, and they’ll call her mom and she’ll have to cancel whatever she’s trying to do to make the eighty-minute round trip an hour earlier than she expected. Avoiding Amelie isn’t worth that. She’s actually pleasant, a lot of the time, but she’s constantly worried one of them will bring up something she doesn’t want to think about and just the thought of seeing her stresses her out.

An hour later, she rolls the forming cramp out of her wrist and walks out of the classroom. Okay, one hour down. She can do this. Just get through today, then she can go home… do homework… mope on the couch… watch YouTube videos and wish she had the energy or drive to do  _ something _ … come back the next day…

She spends all of physics wishing she could pull her beanie down over her head and go to sleep. They were assigned fifteen problems. She managed four.

 

Sombra has an hour to kill between classes, so she sits at a table outside her next lecture hall doing calculus. Her phone buzzes a little after eleven, and she gladly takes the distraction.

_ Hana: Sombraaaa _

_ Hana: Come home _

_ Sombra: Tonight? _

_ Hana: Forever _

_ Hana: I hate it without you _

_ Hana: Even last year when everything sucked at least you were still *here* _

_ Sombra: Hana I wish I could _

_ Sombra: I have classes and clubs _

_ Sombra: I’ll come home Friday night, how about that? _

_ Hana: Thank you _ _  
_ _ Sombra: We can stay with mom or over here, whichever you prefer. _

_ Hana: I still can’t believe we’re going to be apart for 2 years before I go to college with you _

_ Hana: And then we only have another 2 years before you graduate and I’m left behind again _

_ Sombra: Hana no one’s going to leave you behind _

_ Sombra: Once I graduate we’ll get an apartment together _

_ Sombra: Right near campus so you can commute with no problem _

_ Hana: But what if you get a job far away?? _

_ Sombra: I won’t. _

_ Sombra: It’s a year and a half until you graduate. _

_ Sombra: I’ll be home for the summer by then _

_ Sombra: When school starts we’ll live on campus together _

_ Hana: I don’t want a year and a half _

_ Hana: I can’t do it _

_ Sombra: Okay _

_ Sombra: It’s nine weeks until winter break _

_ Sombra: I’ll be home for almost a month _

_ Sombra: We’ll celebrate the holidays tomorrow _

_ Sombra: Cuddle under a blanket every day _

_ Sombra: Can you make it nine weeks? _

_ Sombra: I’ll see you every weekend until then. _

_ Hana: I think so _

_ Sombra: Text me whenever you need to _

_ Sombra: Call me in the middle of the night if you get lonely _

_ Sombra: I love you _

_ Hana: I love you too _

“Excuse me,” a voice says. Sombra pockets her phone and looks up.

“Hi.”

“Are you in the same Project Management class that I’m in? Section 3?” She talks like she’s reading off a script, stands with perfect posture, and looks above Sombra’s head.

“Umm…” she hasn’t taken it upon herself to memorize all her course numbers. “I’m in the Monday/Wednesday one from 10 to 11:30.”

“With Professor Ravassa?”

“She’s the one.”

“Do you have a group for the midterm project yet?”

“Yeah, four of us.”

“Are you looking for a fifth, or do you prefer the minimum requirement of four?” There’s something a little off with her in a strangely compelling way.

“We’ll take a fifth, yeah. Are you looking?” It’s not just the way she speaks, but the way she carries herself, it’s like she carefully studied a guide to how humans should have a conversation instead of studying actual humans having a conversation.

“Looking?”

“To join a group,” she prompts.

“Yes. I had to leave my old one.”

“What happened?”

She seems to struggle, her fingers twitch and her eyes start flicking across the wall. “I couldn’t get along with them,” she says after a pause three times as long one would expect.

“Well, you can join ours, if you want.”

“I appreciate it,” she says. “How are you coordinating? Messenger? Discord? Google?”

“Messenger. What’s your name? I’ll add you to the chat.”

Her black eyes lighten, and a tension Sombra didn’t notice leaves her face. “Satya Vaswani. Spelled: sierra-alpha-tango-yankee-alpha, victor-alpha-sierra-whiskey-alpha-november-india.”

“Wow, I see why you go by Satya.”

She blinks a couple times. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s, uh, a joke.”

“Ah. I hope I’ll be hearing from you soon.”

“Sure will. I’m Sombra, by the way.”

She closes her eyes in a half-flinch and nods. Sombra’s not sure how to interpret it. “Right. Nice to meet you. Goodbye.”

“You too. Bye.”

 

“Hey, Hana,” Orisa says, sitting next to Hana in graphic design.

“Hey.” Her lungs feel like icy rivers flow through them, meanwhile her head feels hot and rough.

“Hat in Time comes out in a few days, you gonna get it?”

She’d completely forgotten about it. “Uh, yeah, probably.” She tries to figure out the politest way to ask her to shut up and let her listen to music.

“I can’t wait, Yooka-Laylee was eh so I hope this one’s a lot better.”

“Yeah, yeah, looks like it will be.” She plugs her headphones into the computer’s audio jack and queues up the Pokemon Red and Blue soundtrack.

“You look tired,” she observes.

“Didn’t get much sleep.”

“Lot of homework?”

“No, just insomnia.”

“Oh.” She can’t think of a response, and Hana uses the uncomfortable silence to slip on her headphones and hit play. She feels a little bad ditching her like that, but at the moment she can’t do anything but work on the assignment and listen to music.

She has to switch over to something else within a couple minutes. The Pokemon themes give a sense of a grand adventure she’s too tired to even think about.

 

“Are you coming to game club after school, Hana?” Amelie asks.

She shakes her head. “Can’t, um, I’ve got something after school.”

“Aww. Try to come soon, Jesse and I really miss you.”

Just thinking about Jesse makes her feel bad. After she and Amelie had started dating, she’d started to leave Jesse behind. Amelie made time for him because  _ she’s _ so perfect and flawless, but Hana barely saw him throughout her entire sophomore year. He probably doesn’t even want to see her, why would he, she’s been a shitty friend and he probably doesn’t even think about her anymore.

“Oh! Are you doing anything over the weekend?”

“Sister’s coming back from college, I was gonna hang out with her.”

“Alright, well, I finally picked up the new destiny, if you guys want to try it out let me know, I could have you and a few others over.”

“Alright, I’ll let you know.” For a second she’s certain she wouldn’t take her up on the offer… but maybe she will.

“Great!”

A minute later, they’re told to open up their copies of  _ The Grapes of Wrath _ . It’s her second time opening the book, she’d tried to do the assigned reading over the weekend but had to stop a few pages in. Even if she had no mental health problems bogging her down, she only would’ve been able to get a few pages further. Like the rest of the class, she’d gotten her information from Shmoop and Sparknotes.

“Worst fuckin’ Steinbeck book ever,” Amelie grumbles. “Could’ve had us read  _ East of Eden _ , but nooooo, we need four hundred pages of dust and sad farmers—”

“Something you’d like to share with the class, Ms. Lacroix?”

“Um…” she pales. “I was just, um, hoping Hana could… um…”

“Do I need to separate the two of you?”

She’s surprised to find she’s resistant to the idea. As stressful as she finds every possible future conversation with her ex, it’s better than getting moved around or put next to someone she doesn’t like.

“No, it’s fine,” Hana insists.

“Alright,” he says with a distrustful glance.

 

Angela’s exhausted. She’s been on the phone with a lawyer for three hours, but she thinks she’s finally got everything she needs to divorce her husband. All that’s left is to start the proceedings. Despite how mentally taxing the call was, she’s finally confident that something’s going to go right.

Then she hears sobbing. She runs out of her room to find Hana hiding under a blanket, face buried in the couch.

“Hana,” she sits next to her, puts her hand on her back, feels her trembling. “Hana, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” she chokes out, words flooding into each other. She was doing fine just a few minutes ago, listening to music and relaxing, and she’d just been overcome.

“Can I do anything?” she asks, running her nails up and down her back.

She shakes her head. If nothing’s wrong, what can she fix?

“Do you need… hot chocolate?”

“No.” It feels like the intense pressure in her head is trying to escape through her eyes and nose.

“Mac and Cheese?”

“No.” She’s so cold, even though she’s wrapped in a blanket.

“Movie?”

“No.” Her legs are uncomfortable but she can’t summon the energy to move them.

“Go for a drive?”

“Don’t you have work?” It sounds like she whined every word and she can’t stand it.

“Sweetie, I’m not leaving you alone like this.” The promise of not spending another dark night alone with her thoughts makes her feel a little better, just for a second. “Come on, let’s go drive around. See if we can’t find anything to help you feel better.”

 

Nothing does.


	33. Remission Roulette, part 3: erosion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy OW anniversary you godless heathens

Two weeks of October slog miserably by. Hana feels like she’s trying to climb a mountain where the peak just gets further and further away, and if she tries to go faster to keep up the mountain’s growth just speeds up. Energy is barely a memory, she lives in complete exhaustion.

The third Friday of the month is bitterly cold, and the wind tries to bite her through her jacket as she waits outside for her mom. The song playing through her headphones is too slow and somber for her liking, she wants something intense and booming to warm her soul a bit, but she doesn’t want to take her fingers out of her pockets.

Angela’s running late, and the cold weathers away at her. The wind carries hateful whispers into her mind. “You spent the whole day alone…” it reminds her. “You’re alone now… if your mother ever comes to get you, she’ll just bring you home and retreat to her room, even she doesn’t want to spend time with you…”

_ No, that’s not true _ , she tries to convince herself.  _ She’s busy, she’s got classes and a job and a divorce. _

She flinches as another harsh gust attacks. “And she can’t make the time to spend with you, her daughter? If she wanted to, she would. She never did like you, either of you, she spent five years basically ignoring you until you got all pathetic and she sent you to the hospital so you’d stop bothering her.”

_ She loves me, _ is all she can come up with.

The next gale threatens to freeze her wet eyes. “That’s debatable,” it whistles, “but she never liked you.”

The song finally switches, but the high-stress dark orchestral theme is the last thing she wants to listen to. The tense opening feels like tethers to a reality she doesn’t want to enter.

“And your sister,” the wind starts again.

_ No. Please, don’t. _ The foreboding violin and ominous percussion in her ears are suddenly refuge from her surroundings.

Before another angry, violent gust can tear her to pieces, her mom’s car pulls up. She sprints towards it, the wind turning to white noise with her speed. The warm car’s heaven against her icy face, and she can finally change the song to something lighter.

“Sorry I’m late, there was an accident on the highway.”

“That’s okay,” she says. It doesn’t feel okay, but it’s not like she can do anything about it.

“Home or Sombra?” she asks.

“Sombra.” She hates having to choose, she misses having Sombra at home. Break can’t come soon enough.

 

As usual, Hana waits in the student center for Sombra to get out of class. It’s more comfortable than she expected, there’s just the right amount of motion and ambient noise that’s distracting but not overwhelming. It’s still a lot better once Sombra arrives.

“Hey!” she says, providing a welcome distraction from Hana’s homework. “Got something fun planned for tonight.”

“You mean ‘new toy’ fun or ‘go out and do something’ fun?”

“Shit, I keep forgetting I want to check out the toy store again. But the second one, there’s a meteor shower hitting its peak tonight and the astro department’s hosting a viewing at the observatory.”

“Isn’t it a bit cold to sit outside and watch the sky?”

“No, no, it’s all inside the observatory. We’re gonna watch from in there, and it’s only a few minutes away from the dorms.”

“Alright,” she says, hoping it won’t go too late.

“It starts at ten, so do you want to go mess around a bit beforehand?” Sombra tilts her head a little when she doesn’t answer. “Hana?”

“I want a hot shower,” she says. She’s staring through the window now at the gray outdoors.

“Alright, we can go do that.” She takes her hand and leads her to her dorm, fighting the winds on the way over. Hana’s face is a bright, icy red, and just the freezing walk over tired her out.

“Let’s warm up a bit in my room first,” Sombra suggests. “Don’t want to take a hot shower when we’re this cold.”

“Alright,” Hana says, down for anything where she doesn’t have to move.

Moira’s gone by the time they arrive, and they quickly throw off their shoes and coats and gloves and retreat under her comforter.

“God, I hate winter,” Hana says.

“It sucks,” Sombra agrees, even though she loves sledding and snowmen and fresh snow.

“It’s not even actually winter yet,” she groans. “We’re only a month into fall, it’s gonna suck.”

“Hana, there’s a hurricane further south, we’re just getting hit by the winds. It’ll be over in a few days.” It wouldn’t, actually, they’re near the beginning of one of the worst hurricane seasons in recent history, but neither of them could know that.

“It’s just so miserable, it’s always cold and it gets dark earlier and everything starts dying…” She buries her hand between her pants and panties, trying to warm up her fingers with body heat without freezing herself. “I wish it was was warm all the time.”

“Okay, once we’re older we’ll move to Hawaii.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Or somewhere else, if you want.”

“Anywhere where there’s no winter.”

Sombra would miss parts of winter a bit, but if endless summer makes Hana happy, she’d deal.

“Oh! I’ve got an idea.” She jumps out of her bed, and Hana curls up a bit to compensate for her body heat leaving. There’s a rustling as she opens one of Moira’s drawers and takes out a hair dryer.

“She won’t mind us using her stuff?” Hana asks.

“Not this, no.” She plugs it into an outlet on her side of the room, and turns it on, pointed at her hand. “Ohh, that’s nice.”

“Get me, get me,” Hana requests. Sombra points it at her face, and she moans as the hot air washes over her. It’s oasis on her skin as Sombra runs the hot air all over her body, providing short-lasting relief from the residual cold. She turns it on herself next, blasting her face with the soothing heat.

“Want to take that shower now?” she asks, giving Hana another blast of hot air.

“Maybe later,” she says. “I think I might fall asleep.”

“Alright,” she says, going over her own hands and arms one last time. “Sweet dreams.” Her lips brush Hana’s forehead as her eyes turn heavy and close.

 

_ Brigitte: Viewing’s cancelled _

_ Sombra: ??? _

_ Moira: To be fair, it’s been cloudy for the entire day _

_ Brigitte: ^^^ _

_ Brigitte: Also supposed to start pouring tonight _

_ Mei: Aww :( _

_ Sombra: Lame _

_ Brigitte: Can we just come over to your place? _

_ Brigitte: @Sombra @Moira _

_ Moira: I don’t see why not _

_ Moira: Presumably Sombra’s girlfriend is here as well _

_ Sombra: She is lol _

_ Sombra: But yeah come over this evening! _

_ Brigitte: Meme _

 

Icy rains pound against the window to a well-lit dorm room inhabited by five young women. Sombra and Hana cuddle up on one bed, Moira lounging out on the other. Brigitte and Mei borrow their desk chairs, sitting between the beds.

“Hey, Sombra, did you also spend all afternoon working on our project management assignment?” Brigitte asks.

“Decent chunk of it,” she sighs.

“I thought that wasn’t due for weeks,” Hana says. Sombra’s surprised she remembered.

“Yeah, we have this girl Satya in our group who finished her part on Wednesday and then kept going,” Brigitte explains, “and we felt bad that she was doing all the work so we got a jump on our stuff.”

“Normally I’d wait until maybe a day or two before it’s due to get started,” Sombra says, “but I didn’t want her to do all of it. She probably would’ve, too.”

“I can’t imagine that,” Moira says. “I always just do my part, and if someone doesn’t do theirs I take their name off the project.”

“I do admit, it’s kind of nice not having it hanging over me,” Brigitte says.

“Yeah,” Sombra agrees. “We can’t make a habit out of this.”

“Agreed. Doesn’t suit us.”

“I always finish early,” Mei says. “I hate working under pressure.”

“Hana, this is Mei,” Sombra says. “She’s the tryhard of our little group.” Mei smiles sarcastically and waves.

“Don’t listen to her,” Hana says, “I’m the same way. Usually.”

“I don’t even know why I’m taking ‘project management’ anyway,” Brigitte says.

“What’s your major?” Moira asks.

“No idea.”

“Well, what do you want to do?” Mei asks.

“When I was younger I wanted to be a knight, but then I figured out I was a girl so that didn’t pan out.”

“Hey, it’s 2017, girls can be knights.”

“Alright, so I guess I’ll graduate then become a squire for a few years. What about you?”

“I dunno,” she says. “Majoring in computer science, of course, I’m not interested in much else. Some companies hire hackers to break into their own systems so they can fix any gaps they find, might end up doing that. Job title’s the best part, though.”

“Yeah?” Mei asks.

“‘Penetration expert’.”

“You’re kidding,” Moira says.

“I plan on spending the next four years learning as much about penetration as possible,” she smirks. Hana blushes. If the two were alone she’d be red with sexual excitement, but because the other girls are around she’s a bit embarrassed.

“And what about you two?” Brigitte asks, looking towards Mei and Moira.

“Major in physics, take whatever research I can get, go to grad school, see where it leads me,” Mei says.

“Same but with biochem,” Moira shrugs.

“Maybe teach.”

“Not that.”

“Man, you guys all know what you want to do, I don’t even know what to major in.”

“Me neither,” Hana says.

“Yeah, but you’re in high school, you still have time to figure it out. I’ve got a year, and I should at least have an idea by the time I have to register for classes next semester.”

“I assume you need a degree before you’re qualified to be a… penetration expert,” Moira smirks. “Any idea what you’ll do until then?”

“Hmm…” she thinks. “I could be a camgirl.”

“Woah!” Brigitte grins.

“Wasn’t expecting that,” Moira says, a corner of her mouth still quirked upwards.

“I’d be a stripper but there aren’t any clubs around.”

“Yeah, we checked,” Brigitte confirms.

“Also I’d rather work from the comfort of my own bed.”

“I think you’d be pretty good at it,” Mei says.

“Alright, I’ll let you know when I get started, you can come watch.”

“Looking forward to it,” she says with a goofy smile. Hana can’t tell whether or not she’s joking.

“Oh, once Hana’s old enough and you can get her on with you you’ll make  _ serious _ bank,” Brigitte says.

“Why?” Hana asks.

“Demand doesn’t get much higher than ‘young, hot, interracial lesbian sex’.”

“Really?”

“Really,” both Mei and Brigitte answer.

“Well, if this is something you want to pursue, just give me a heads-up,” Moira says. “So I can decide whether or not I want to be here.”

“I’d give it a try myself,” Brigitte says, “if it weren’t for… you know,” she gestures to her crotch.

Sombra almost snorts. “Yeah, like there’s not a market for that.”

“What?” She seems genuinely confused.

“You… you really don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Horny teenagers like naked trans girls,” Moira says.

“Exactly,” Sombra says. “Not as big a market as ‘standard’ porn, but just as thirsty.”

“Wait, really?”

“Of course,” Mei says.

“Come on, even sweet little Hana’s figured it out already,” Sombra says. It’s true, after she’d seen her naked when they’d gone skinny dipping, she’d gotten curious and found the internet’s unsurprisingly massive repository of trans girl porn. And liked it. “You seriously didn’t know?”

“Seriously had no idea.”

“You could totally get into it,” Sombra says. Mei nods in agreement. “Imagine how great it would be, getting paid to stroke your dick on camera for horny onlookers.”

“Maybe…” she says, giving it serious thought. “I think I’d want to make my boobs a bit bigger first.”

“Really?” Moira asks.

“I think so, yeah. Less busty girls are hot too, don’t get me wrong, but when I was starting my transition and figuring out what I wanted my body to look like, I always pictured myself as a lot more top heavy than I am now.”

“I mean, I’d never do it, but whatever makes you happy,” Sombra shrugs. “Definitely wouldn’t hurt if you end up camming, too. Hot girl with big tits  _ and _ a huge dick? You’ll dominate whatever site you end up on.”

“Does she really have a big dick?” Mei asks.

“Top 5%,” she says.

“Wait, really?” Sombra asks. “I mean, I know it was big, but…”

“95% of dicks are six and a half inches or smaller. I’m  _ just _ under seven inches, putting me in the top… three or four percent, maybe.”

“Wow,” Mei says.

“Well, let me know if you decide to get started,” Sombra says. “Hana and I will be watching.”

 

“Hey,” Hana says, once everyone’s gone. “Were you serious earlier, about being a camgirl?”

“Well, maybe,” she says. “I mean, I was mostly joking around, but it’s not like I wouldn’t do it. Why, would you not want me to?”

“No, no, if you wanted to do it, I wouldn’t stop you. It’s your body, I can’t tell you what to do with it.” She’s not sure if she’s telling her the truth, trying to convince herself, or just saying vague platitudes to fill the gap of a fully-formed opinion.

“Would you do it with me? When you’re older, of course.”

“I don’t know. I mean, maybe I’ll be comfortable with it, maybe I won’t, but what if someone that knows us sees? Like, someone from our school sees me naked, making out with you on the internet, and just shows everyone?”

“You’ll be here by then. High school will be over.”

“But we’ll still live in town! We’ll still know people we went to school with! And what if it gets over here somehow? What if it gets to mom?”

“Yeah, because mom’s known to tread in high school gossip circles.”

“Be serious!”

“Come on, what are the odds that someone from our school is going to find us, recognize us, and even care enough to show people?”

“It only takes one.” She won’t even be eighteen for almost two years, and already it feels like a very real problem taxing her already exhausted mental energies.

 

She’s exhausted and sick on Monday, head aching and stomach doing yoga, and Angela has her stay at the motel. Amelie, still desperately wanting to make nice, convinces Jesse to check on her after school.

“Amelie, she’s been blowing you off for weeks. I understand wanting to check on her, but don’t you think buying her ramen is a bit overboard?” His concerns fall on deaf ears, and she pays the H Mart cashier and has Jesse carry the bag to her car.

“She’s our friend, she’s sick, so we’re getting her soup. It’s what you do.”

“Our friend??” he asks. “Look, I like her as much as you do, I  _ want _ to be friends with her again, but it’s pretty clear she just doesn’t want to hang out with us. Take the hint.”

“There’s no ‘hint’, Jesse, she’s just busy. And now sick.”

“Amelie, I know you feel bad, but you’ve done everything you could. If she wanted to be friends with us again, she would be.”

“I haven’t—”

“If you were out sick, would she be bringing soup to you?” he asks.

She doesn’t talk to him for the rest of the drive. Once they arrive at her house, she’s ready to march up and deliver the ramen herself, and she’s a little surprised to see him get out of the car with her.

Jack answers their knock. “Oh, uh, hi, Mr. Morrison,” she says. She’s only seen him a few times, and he’s consistently intimidating. “Is Hana here?”

“No,” he almost growls.

“Oh,” she frowns, trying to figure out where she could possibly be. “Um, will she be home soon?”

“No idea. Hasn’t been here for weeks.”


	34. Was the life we once were allowed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is shorter than I thought it was gonna be oops

Hana’s phone buzzes, and she takes a couple deep breaths to prepare herself when she sees it’s Amelie. “Hello?”

“Hana!” she shouts. “Are you okay??”

“Yeah, I’m just sick.”

“Where are you?”

“Home.”

“No you’re not! We just went there and your dad said you haven’t been there in weeks!”

_ Oh fuuuuck no fuck fuck no no no fuck fuuuuck nooo. _

“Hana, what’s going on?”

“Okay… okay…” she tries to calm herself down. “So you know how my dad left in the middle of last year?”

“Yeah.”

“No,” she hears Jesse’s voice, and almost goes into another panic from the startle. She wasn’t expecting him.

“Jesse?”

“Hey, Hana. Been a while.” There’s the slightest touch of resentment, and she feels terrible. “Where are you?”

“In a motel a few miles away,” she admits. “Dad came back in September, so mom and I have been living here since.”

“Did he kick you out or something?! Or, like, chase you away?”

“No, no, I don’t really know exactly what happened, I was visiting Sombra when he came back, and mom came the next morning and brought me here.”

“But you’re alright?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” she assures them.

 

“I still can’t believe she didn’t tell us,” Amelie says. After Hana recounted the past two months to them, they’d gone to Amelie’s house to ensure the ramen didn’t go to waste.

“It’s hard to talk about,” Jesse says. “I mean, how do you walk up to someone and say ‘hey, I’m gonna be living out of a motel for the next few months while my mom files for divorce because my dad’s such a deadbeat that we can’t stand to be around him’? And what would you even say in response to that? I honestly can’t blame her for avoiding it.”

“Still, I wish we knew.”

“I guess this is why she hasn’t been hanging around. Her mom has to drive her forty-five minutes every day and can’t really plan around her staying late.”

“God, how’d we miss it, it was so obvious. She hasn’t been staying late, she’s been distracted and kinda moody—”

“Amelie, you’re not seriously suggesting we should’ve  _ guessed _ that she’s been living out of a motel room since September?”

“I just feel bad. She used to be one of the most important people in my life, now I don’t even know what’s going on in hers. It’s even worse with Lena, I haven’t even tried in over a month because she doesn’t answer.”

“It’s not your fault,” he reminds her.

“That doesn’t make it not suck.”

 

It’s almost four thirty on Friday and Hana’s still not at the student center. Sombra’s a bit worried, but does her homework and drinks her coffee while she waits.

“Uh-oh,” a familiar voice says. “Is Hana a no-show?” Mei sits down across from her.

“Looks like it.”

“Traffic bad?”

“Don’t think so, usually she’s here before I get out of class, traffic wouldn’t make her that late. Maybe she had to stay after school or something.”

“Maybe.”

“So how’s physics going?”

“Great! It’s a bit slow, I already know a lot of the stuff, but labs are fun. How’s computer science?”

“I’m in the same boat. I taught myself most of the stuff junior year, but I’m a little rusty because I didn’t do much senior year,” she no longer even mentally flinches when she recalls what she spent senior year doing, “so I guess it’s a nice refresher.”

“Did your AP tests get you out of the basic classes?”

“Nope. School didn’t offer AP comp sci so I gotta do it all from scratch. And yes, that does involve Scratch.”

“Gross.”

After another ten minutes of talking with Mei and compulsively checking her phone, Sombra sees Satya glancing at them from across the room. She looks away when Sombra makes eye contact, but starts walking over.

“Hello.”

“Hey, Satya. What’s up?”

“You?” she returns, neglecting to answer the question before posing it.

“Nothing much.”

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Of course.”

She glances back and forth between Sombra and Mei instead of speaking.

“Want to sit down?” Sombra prompts.

“Thank you.” She sits on the third side of the table between them.

“So what’s up?”

“How do you ask out a girl?”

“Aww,” Sombra half squeals. She doesn’t notice her eye twitch slightly. “Do you have a crush on someone?”

“Yes.” She answers plainly, not sure how to respond to the teasing so she just ignores it.

“Well, who is it?”

“Brigitte.”

She gasps excitedly and dramatically, grinning like a madwoman. Mei indulges her, smiling back widely. Satya watches passively, waiting for them to finish.

“Do you think it’s a good idea?” she asks. Sombra just chuckles, thinking she’s being sarcastic.

She regards her sincerely, waiting for an answer. “Yes, it’s a good idea,” she composes herself.

“How did you ask out Hana?”

She feels herself starting to go pale.  _ Okay, underdeveloped improv skills, don’t fail me now _ . “Well, we knew each other for a while beforehand, we grew up in the same neighborhood. After I realized I was starting to get a crush on her, I went to her house and asked her on a date.” She does her best not to outright lie, but there’s only so much she can dress up “one day after our parents left I asked her if she wanted to make out”.

“Where’d you ask her to?”

“Just out to dinner. I took her to an Italian restaurant by our house,” fortunately, they don’t notice the slip-up, “which sadly doesn’t exist anymore.” They did go there a few times before it closed, but their first date hadn’t actually involved leaving their house.

“So where should I ask her?”

“Not the dining hall, or here. A restaurant’s always a good choice, but there’s not too many good spots on campus.”

“If it’s nice out you could walk down second avenue, there’s a few good places to eat there,” Mei suggests.

“It helps if you have a car.”

“I don’t have a car.”

“Alright, so looking for some restaurants within walking distance on google maps would be a good place to start. When you find somewhere that looks good, ask her if she wants to get dinner with you there.”

“That night?”

“Go for Friday or Saturday night,” Sombra suggests.

“If it’s Friday morning, you can go for ‘tonight’,” Mei says. “But don’t spring it on her an hour before you want to go. Give her time to get ready.”

“And yourself, too. Dress nice, do your hair and makeup—”

“I don’t have makeup.”

“Really?” Sombra asks, squinting at her. “Wow.”

“What?”

“You just look really good, it’s just hard to believe you don’t wear makeup.”

“Ah.”

“Anyway, when you’re on the date, try to make a bit more eye contact. Like, right now, you’re just kind of staring at the table, try to look at her a bit more.”

“But don’t stare and make her uncomfortable,” Mei chimes in.

“I’ll try.”

Sombra sees Hana come in, and eagerly waves her over.

“Thanks for the advice,” Satya says, starting to get up.

“No problem. And hey, once you decide on somewhere to go and when I can give you some more help if you need it.”

She nods “Thank you,” and walks away.

Hana slips in seconds later, kissing Sombra as she sits down. “What happened?” Sombra asks.

“Mom had to finish up with the lawyer before she could drop me off,” she almost sings.

“Really?”

“She wouldn’t tell me the details, but she was in a pretty good mood. Things could be back to normal soon!”

 

Her optimism starts to dissipate an hour after Sombra falls asleep and she’s still lying awake. She falls into the same rhythm she always does. Count her heartbeats into the mid-hundreds before shifting and starting over. Listen to the ambient noise of the courtyard and the footsteps in the hall. Toss and turn to find a comfort that isn’t there. Enviously regard her sleeping girlfriend.

Sleep is merciful that night, though, and her subconscious eventually takes her. It crafts a pleasant dream for her, a memory from when she was seven. It’s evening, she’s at the park with her mom and dad and sister. They’d eaten pizza for dinner and had just gotten ice cream, and eat as they walk along the riverside. She can feel the warmth of the ending day on her, and her mind creates a sunset even more gorgeous than what must’ve been there.

Her dad gives her a piggyback ride once her ice cream’s gone and she declared herself too tired to keep walking. The present part of her brain that says the idea of contact with her dad should be upsetting her doesn’t exist yet, she just loves him like most kids love their parents. Like she used to.

They’re home suddenly, and going to bed. She hugs Sombra before they’re sent to their separate rooms, and Jack goes to tuck her in. He kisses her on the forehead and leaves the door slightly open so light from the hallway can bleed in, and she goes to sleep happy.

Back in the real world, tears silently leak from Hana’s closed eyes onto her pillow, and it feels like her insides are being wrung out like a wet towel. It feels like the only thing that will make her feel better is going back to a home that just doesn’t exist anymore.


	35. Testing the Waters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm back  
> I finally got off my lazy ass and found a job but it doesn't leave me enough time to write porn  
> But at least I can fuel my gaming addiction! Which also doesn't leave me enough time to write porn...  
> I'd better come up with something good soon

“Hey Moira,” Sombra says when her roommate arrives. “Which one of these cameras do you think would work best?”

“Are you really serious about this?” she asks, her curious tone ever-present. She takes the laptop from her and starts clicking through camera options on amazon.

“I’m still not really sure. I’d be willing to do it, but I’m not really sure if I want to. It’s a big commitment, I’d have to stream often to build up any kind of following, and it would take a while before I get any real money off it. And what if I never do? What if I just stay at the bottom of whatever site I choose until I have to give up because no one wants to watch me?”

Moira just shrugs, not one for support. “It could happen.”

“Exactly!”

“Or you could become massively popular. I’m sure part of it is just chance, but there’s got to be some key to success.”

“I still think Hana doesn’t really want me to.”

“Is this the part where I’m supposed to say ‘it’s your body, you get to make your own decisions, not your girlfriend’?”

“I know, I know, but I love her, if it makes her uncomfortable for any reason I don’t want to do it. She said she was fine with it, but she didn’t really seem like it.”

“Well, that’s on her, is it not?” She tabs off the Amazon page Sombra was on and goes to another site. “If it really does make her uncomfortable, then she should’ve told you otherwise.”

“I guess.” She has trouble finding the words to argue that Hana might not have wanted to tell her what to do, even if she did want to tell her what to do.

“Try this one,” Moira says, circling a webcam on the screen with the mouse.

“This site looks really sketchy.”

“It’s fine.”

“I’m scared to click on anything, I think I might get a virus.”

“Funny, that line accompanies sites usually associated with  _ your _ potential line of work.”

“I mean  _ me _ , this looks like it might give me the flu somehow.”

“Are you making excuses not to buy a webcam so you can’t start camming so you don’t have to worry about upsetting your girlfriend?”

“I’m making excuses not to order anything from this place, I don’t trust it in the slightest. I’ve never heard of it before and it looks amateur as hell, I mean,  _ I _ could design something better than this.”

“That makes a lot less of a statement when it’s coming from a computer science major. And the website’s just fine. Look how cheap it is, you’re not gonna get a camera like that for that price anywhere else.”

“That’s part of what worries me, there’s no  _ way _ they can sell anything functioning for that cheap.”

“Well, it’s your decision,” Moira shrugs. “Don’t forget that.”

 

Brigitte returns from class that Friday evening to find her room empty, so she locks the door behind her and tosses her backpack under her desk.  _ Okay _ , she tells herself.  _ I’m gonna sit down and do my homework. No distractions _ .

She opens up her computer and navigates to lo-fi hip hop beats to chill and  study to on YouTube, not even checking her notifications in case something interesting was posted. Her eyes scan over her desk until she finds the textbook she needs, and she opens it to the right page to find the assigned questions.

It’s not long before she starts to space out and start gazing out the window, and has to snap herself back to her homework.  _ Come on, I just gotta get through this then I’m free for the weekend _ . But she can’t stop her eyes from drifting to a particular window in the dorms across from hers.

_ Fuck _ . She was hoping the room would be empty, but nope, the especially amorous couple that live there are already on second base. As hard as she tries to focus on her work, she keeps glancing at the couple not 20 yards away from her, waiting for something more.

After pumping fifteen minutes of work into a problem that should’ve taken two, the boy she’s watching starts undressing his girlfriend, slowly exposing her body. They’re a bit far away, but her eyesight is fantastic and she can manage to make out the lace on her bra.

She takes his shirt off, exposing his medium pecs and slowly-forming two pack. Brigitte’s thumb traces over the denim covering her cock, which twitches at her touch. An uncomfortably familiar blush covers her face when the boy takes the girl’s bra off, and she can make out her soft breasts and pale nipples.

_ Alright, Brigitte, that’s enough _ , she says, but her thumb keeps rocking back and forth over her crotch. It’s not the first time she’s seen this, watched them make love through her window and thrown every excuse at herself to keep watching. She’d promised herself the previous time would be the last, same with the time before that, and the time before that…

Once again, she forces her eyes down to her homework, and draws out an integral sign and puts two numbers on it before snapping back up to watch them. The boy’s taking off his pants, revealing boxer briefs that tightly hug him. His girlfriend’s not wearing anything but a black thong and a mischievous smile filled with affection, and she can’t stop staring at her breasts. She’s almost fully erect at this point, her penis struggling against her jeans.

She’s constructed a flimsy and arbitrary set of rules for perving on her neighbors, trying to justify it to herself. She’s just looking out her window, it’s not her fault if she sees something interesting, it’s not like she’s actively looking with a pair of binoculars. More importantly, she’s not allowed to jerk off to them, but her definition of what counts as “jerking off” had changed. The first time she saw them, she’d been so entranced that she dropped her panties and furiously masturbated until she came, and despite having one of the best orgasms of her life, she was overwhelmed with waves and waves of shame that she was almost too guilty to sleep.

The base of her palm drags down the crotch of her pants, her cock loving the pressure. The boy’s underwear come down, revealing his tight, muscular glutes, and Brigitte almost moans. The girl squeezes them, and Brigitte looks on with an expression of 15% envy and 85% ashamed arousal.

After that, she’d never gotten herself off while watching, although she has occasionally brought up the memory of them while jerking off. Her rules for what she is or isn’t allowed to do change depending on how horny she is. Sometimes she just touches herself over her pants, but she’s gone as far as undressing and edging while ogling them. Right now, she’s willing to go as far as undoing her pants and playing with herself over her panties, her fingers putting pressure on the base of her cock while her thumb plays with her tip.

_ Oh my God, just get up and move somewhere else! _ she tells herself. Her legs want to stay in the chair, though, and even though she has the energy to move, she can’t summon the willpower.  _ Just close the blinds! _ Can’t do that either, her cock demands the attention of her hand, so she sits there staring at them, making up justifications for what she’s doing, wishing that masturbating while watching didn’t feel so much better than normal.

Suddenly, there’s a rapping at the door. “Oh thank God,” she whispers, finally having a concrete reason to get up, and she jumps from the chair, buttons her pants, and closes the blinds.

The door creaks as it’s opened. “Hey, Satya. What’s up?”

 

“Hey, thought I’d let you know, I ordered a webcam earlier,” Sombra says. She and Hana are snuggled up in her bed, picking up where they’d left off the last weekend in their quest to catch up on all the Marvel movies before  _ Ragnarok _ comes out next week.

“Oh, really?” She’s a little surprised, she didn’t think she’d actually go through with it. Her emotions are giving her trouble, she’s not sure how she really feels about it, but her stomach feels a little like she’s suspended in midair.

“Yeah, Moira found me a cheap one so I figured I’d go for it.”

“So you’re really doing this?”

“Well, I don’t have anything else planned out, so I still don’t know yet. I think so.” She’s not sure how to progress. Should she ask again if she’s really okay with it, or wait for her to bring it up? Maybe she’ll ask again, and she’ll double down on “of course I’m fine with it” and dig herself a hole she feels she can’t escape. And what if she asks again, she changes her mind and says “no, I don’t want you to”, and then she’s locked off from it forever, or forced to start a fight about it?

“Okay,” she says, nothing else coming to mind.

“Anyway, what do you want to do tonight?”

She sighs, she hates that question, she never has the slightest idea. “I don’t know.” Does she even want to do anything? Dinner, of course, but there’s not much to do on a college campus that she’s even interested in. Parties, concerts, bars, and even most club events don’t interest her, not that she has access to the latter.

“Hang out with Rein and Brigitte? It’s pretty mild tonight, we could go for a walk.”   
“Sure, sounds good.” Just hopefully not for too long.

An idea forms in her head, forming a question that dances along her tongue but stops at the back of her lips. It waits there for a few minutes, waiting for her to get ready to ask.

“Hey, I wanna try something.”

“Yeah?” Hana asks.

“Like, in order to ‘test the waters’, could you take a picture of my boobs and I’ll post it online.”

“Umm, yeah, sure, we can do that.” For some reason, she finds the idea of a simple nude pic of her girlfriend floating around much less unappealing than a whole cam show.

“Awesome!” she double checks to see if the door’s unlocked while Hana reaches for Sombra’s phone.

“Okay, just get my boobs and the bottom half of my face,” she says.

“Alright.” She opens up the camera, and Sombra pulls up her shirt and bra to expose her breasts.

An open grin appears on her face when Hana takes a few pictures. “Hold on,” she says when she lowers the phone, stopping Sombra from breaking the pose. Sombra waits for her to hop onto the bed and stand on her knees, letting her get the picture from an upwards angle. “There we go!” The result turned out a lot better than Hana thought it would, and they end up with a nice picture for Sombra to post.

“So where are you putting this?” Hana asks.

“Hmm…” Sombra messengers the picture to herself so she can get it on her computer, and quickly deletes the message after the picture is downloaded. “How about…” she goes to r/gonewild and creates an account with a generic username.

“Wow, that’s a lot of naked girls,” Hana comments.

“It’s supposed to be for men and women, but Reddit’s got a pretty obvious female bias,” Sombra says.

“Yeah, I can see that.”

She navigates over to the “post” tab and uploads the picture, leaving the tab open so she can check it compulsively throughout the afternoon. “And now we wait.”

 

Less than half an hour later, there’s a familiar knock on the door. First one tap, then another three, then another three. “It’s Satya,” Sombra says, hopping up and hitting pause. Hana sits up to watch what happens.

“Hey,” Sombra opens the door. Satya strides in immediately, leaning forward and tapping her fingers aggressively against her hip. “How’d it go?”

“Fine,” she says, voice a bit strained. Her steps are abnormally long as she paces back and forth across the room.

“Really?” she asks. “You seem a bit upset.”

“She said yes, we’re going to a dinner a couple blocks off campus tomorrow night.”

“That’s awesome!”

“But now what? I was so worried about how to ask her I didn’t think of what to do when she said yes.”

“Well, you go on the date.”

“There’s too much to consider! What do I wear? What do we talk about? Do I pay for it? How long should we stay after we finish eating? What do we do after?”

“Sweetie, you’re overthinking this. You don’t need some big plan, I’ll help you pick out an outfit and then all you have to do is go to dinner with her. You’ll figure it out.”

“No, no, I need a plan, I hate it when I don’t have a plan.”

“Um, okay,” Sombra takes a deep breath. “How about an outline?”

“Why can’t we have a plan?”

“It’s not romantic that way.”

“I don’t—”

“Also,” Hana jumps in, “outlines are more flexible, if a plan fails then you’ve got nothing, at least with an outline you can try to stick with it.”

Satya considers it. “Okay. Okay, I can try that.”

“So you’ll go pick her up…”

 

The next evening, Satya knocks on Brigitte’s door at exactly 6:30. She’s wearing a light blue blouse that Sombra picked out and dark pants, and her hair is tied uncomfortably. She refused to wear much makeup, only wearing a thin coat of lipstick and some eyeliner.

“Hi!” Brigitte greets her excitedly. She’s dressed similarly, with a light gray blouse and a darker skirt, her hair tied in a ponytail and light makeup.

“Ready to go?” Satya asks.

“Yep!” She locks the door behind her, and surprises Satya by taking her hand as they leave the building. It’s cool against her warm skin, and the unexpected move threatens to set her in a panic. She fights it, though, and wraps her fingers around her hand.  _ Just relax and have a good time _ , she hears Sombra’s voice in her head.  _ The date will take care of itself _ . She hopes she’s right.


End file.
